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#161123 - 06/11/07 01:59 PM Broken heart - Trigger
Jaysen Offline
Member

Registered: 06/14/06
Posts: 680
Trigger












Lungs feeling heavily saturated from the moisture in the air in this place.

Strained eyes desperately searching for a glimpse of something but blinded by the darkness. Strained ears desperately listening for a sound but deafened by the madness.

Clinging to life… and you don’t even know why.

Sometimes you can hear breathing, a slight shuffling of feet, a low and quiet laugher… or maybe it’s just the tortured mind playing tricks again.

Sometimes you think you can see a face directly in front of you, almost feel the hot breath on your throat… but maybe not.

Arms stretched wickedly above, hands are numb and blood trickles down. It tickles.

The fire burns on your back, your legs. Throat is dry… you’re terrified.

What day is it?
What time is it?
Where am I?

Terrified by what might be standing before you. Afraid to breathe, afraid and alone and wondering… what did I do?

Hang here and wait and imagine… mind wandering wildly, trying to be somewhere else. Crying quietly, tasting salty tears in your mouth. Tasting blood on your lips.

Consumed by the pain.

Strong hands around your throat holding firm and steady but not choking and the first hit comes… from somewhere on the right.
Then another from behind. Suddenly your body is attacked with vicious hurtful punches from every direction. Battered relentlessly without reason.

You feel the wetness of blood, welts, broken bones and the sting from the belt as you drift away…

Feeling helpless, feeling small and unimportant, feeling like an object rather than a human being, feeling like it’s your fault and you deserve this, wishing you were dead, feeling such intense shame, humiliation and hatred of yourself, feeling violated.

Alone again.

Listening and waiting for the next attack. Not sure when, not sure by whom or how many.

Listening to the beating of your own heart as it breaks…


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#161926 - 06/16/07 08:46 PM Re: Broken heart - Trigger [Re: Jaysen]
healingpartner Offline
Guest

Registered: 04/04/07
Posts: 407
I don't know what to say...your way with words is amazing. My heart aches for you as I read this.


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#161940 - 06/16/07 09:29 PM Re: Broken heart - Trigger [Re: healingpartner]
shadowkid Offline
WARNING from ModTeam, September 2013: user "Shadowkid" was exposed as a hoaxer. His entire online persona and stories of sexual abuse were fiction. We encourage you not to become emotionally concerned by anything you see in any of his posts. Thank you
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/18/05
Posts: 2437
jay sounds like you been in my closet, so many things you say are like the way my life was ,so many feelings that have to be felt but cant be explained. its weird how much alike the things we thought and did to s=rvive are ,our minds reacted almost exactly the same way ,all i know is yes it sucks but reading your stuff has shown me that what i thought and felt does not make me different from everybody in the world. i hate that you know but knowing you do helps me. hope that dont sound selfish shadow

_________________________
its not hard to fall
when you float like a cannonball - damien rice

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#161947 - 06/16/07 11:13 PM Re: Broken heart - Trigger [Re: shadowkid]
froggy12 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/12/06
Posts: 527
Loc: Marlboro, MA 01752
We think we are unique with our experieces, and here we discover we are not. The pain may vary as do the things that were done to us. Here we learn that there is hope but where to find it? Where is the door or window that I can peek in? It will show when least expected. SO Jaysen, keep your seatbelt tight (on a Harley?) and keep riding. Just don't spit in the wind.

Jyasen, I am here in Naples, Maine - Blues Festival and Bikers. Albeit mostly sissy bikers and those ain't bike chicks, but discretion prevents any other de>
_________________________
??

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#161962 - 06/17/07 02:51 AM Re: Broken heart - Trigger [Re: Jaysen]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Jay,

Originally Posted By: Jaysen
Listening to the beating of your own heart as it breaks


Sometimes a poem opens ways to express the agony tearing at our souls, ways that don't seem to exist in other ways of writing. Thanks for your courage and for trusting us with this.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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