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#161557 - 06/14/07 07:58 AM These devils - Trigger
Jaysen Offline
Member

Registered: 06/14/06
Posts: 680
Trigger









I must have been one hot 16 year old to catch the interest of these devils.It was a cold and ashen Friday when they came in, at just about four, a quiet knock. Possessing extraordinary sex appeal, no wonder they couldn’t keep their hands off. The things that waited there were dark, tools with my name on them. I was definitely asking for it and I should have known better. What could I make of this? I got the calling card stood aside and let them in. They were totally justified in breaking my bones
I should have known better then to cry when you ripped off my clothes and yeah, I was completely deserving of the blackened eyes and bruises. How did they know that I wanted to be left alone in a pool of my own blood? It was great getting to know them as they ripped me open and defiled my body. I’d neither flinch nor hesitate and they’re so proud that I did what they told me to. It was so thoughtful of them… I considered a moment as the sky shook as thunder rolled.

A curiosity and nothing more…

As hands tear at my flesh and maggots devour my brain, and I am suffering this contingence, as it were, without pain. Fangs pierce the skin, endless agony, forever together in this fight, rejected by darkness in this hellish dream.


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#161558 - 06/14/07 08:01 AM Re: These devils - Trigger [Re: Jaysen]
pain4ever Offline


Registered: 04/05/01
Posts: 1032
J...

You never asked for what was done. You did nothing wrong, please dont blame yourself. You never deserved any of the black eyes or bruises. Were here for you man. Its good you can get it out.

Much respect,
Brian

_________________________
Peace and Tranquility all depends on your frame of reference.

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#161564 - 06/14/07 08:56 AM Re: These devils - Trigger [Re: pain4ever]
Jaysen Offline
Member

Registered: 06/14/06
Posts: 680
You're right, I didn't ask for most of it... but some of it...

Thanks,
J


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#161565 - 06/14/07 09:02 AM Re: These devils - Trigger [Re: Jaysen]
pain4ever Offline


Registered: 04/05/01
Posts: 1032
Keep yourself out of those situations...that is controllable...dont give others the control!

Brian

_________________________
Peace and Tranquility all depends on your frame of reference.

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#161570 - 06/14/07 09:40 AM Re: These devils - Trigger [Re: pain4ever]
Jaysen Offline
Member

Registered: 06/14/06
Posts: 680
But it feels good to give others control sometimes... it feels normal and comfortable, who gives a damn about the consequences. And actually it's the consequences of my actions that drive me to keep doing it...

J


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#161572 - 06/14/07 09:58 AM Re: These devils - Trigger [Re: Jaysen]
pain4ever Offline


Registered: 04/05/01
Posts: 1032
J...

While I dont share your like to give up control, the consequences of your actions are dangerous and very hindering to your healing. Dont do that to yourself. You are worth more then what you are lead to beleive by others. Don't revictimize yourself.

B

_________________________
Peace and Tranquility all depends on your frame of reference.

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#161605 - 06/14/07 04:53 PM Re: These devils - Trigger [Re: pain4ever]
froggy12 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/12/06
Posts: 527
Loc: Marlboro, MA 01752
Hey, Welcome to the club of Masochists non-anonymous. So used to pain we are, can't live without it, afraid to know what normal is like. Might like it. Maybe not. Pain is addictive, like dope. Give up my control over me, no more decisions, let me hurt, know my place and grovel in my own piss. And when the air is clean, my head awake I scream. I don't want to decide.

froggy who knows the dance too well.

_________________________
??

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#161692 - 06/15/07 07:27 AM Re: These devils - Trigger [Re: froggy12]
Jaysen Offline
Member

Registered: 06/14/06
Posts: 680
Yes Froggy, I belong to the Massachusetts chapter of MNA. In fact, wasn't that you at the last meeting?

J


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#161929 - 06/16/07 08:55 PM Re: These devils - Trigger [Re: Jaysen]
healingpartner Offline
Guest

Registered: 04/04/07
Posts: 407
This precious 16 year old had no idea what was coming...how could he ask for it? He was lonely...he had his reasons, but not to be beaten within an inch of his life. He got enough of that.

He is so much more


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#163105 - 06/24/07 10:11 AM Re: These devils - Trigger [Re: healingpartner]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Jaysen,

Sometimes we think that because we were older we should have known better, but it can never be the victim's fault, no matter what his age. When you don't see the choices then you don't have those choices; it really is that simple.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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