Newest Members
JHNebraska, mike42069, JACKL, Personman, SiegmundNYC
12490 Registered Users
Today's Birthdays
kb8715 (114), rom2057 (57), terrapin (51)
Who's Online
1 registered (1 invisible), 23 Guests and 4 Spiders online.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Forum Stats
12490 Members
74 Forums
64158 Topics
447702 Posts

Max Online: 418 @ 07/02/12 07:29 AM
Twitter
Topic Options
#161205 - 06/11/07 10:28 PM Questions
WesQ Offline
Guest

Registered: 06/10/07
Posts: 31
Loc: Norcross, Georgia, USA
Do you ever feel that even though someone or others say they love you, you still wonder why they do? Do you think that they are just saying that to make you feel good? How do you deal with this?

_________________________
" You gotta make your own kind of music
Sing your own special song
Make your own kind music
Even if nobody else sings along"

From "Make Your Own Kind of Music" by Mama Cass Elliott of the Mamas and Papas

Top
#161226 - 06/12/07 02:34 AM Re: Questions [Re: WesQ]
Scoutvictim Offline
Guest

Registered: 06/04/07
Posts: 434
Loc: St. Louis, Missouri
Wes,

Boy do I ever, but it is a basic trust problem.

I unfortunatly havn't figured out the solution.

Maybe being here, we can figure it out toghether.

Luv ya,
Carl

_________________________
Shawn and Ben will always be in my heart....

Happiness is like peeing your pants; Everyone can see it, but only YOU feel the warmth.

Peebles, Ohio WOR alumni, Oct. 2007

Top
#161253 - 06/12/07 07:58 AM Re: Questions [Re: Scoutvictim]
markgreyblue Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/19/03
Posts: 5400
Loc: Pasadena, CA
wes - i used to think that - but now when i hear it -

i take it!

i love you - is a rare and great phrase!

when it's used too much -by someone - then it feels - watered down

but from some - who's words are carefully chosen -

and consistently kind - i'd say - it's heap good chief.

-

_________________________
"...do not look outside yourself for the leader."
-wisdom of the hopi elders

"...the sign of a true leader is service..." - anonymous



Top
#161255 - 06/12/07 08:00 AM Re: Questions [Re: markgreyblue]
markgreyblue Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/19/03
Posts: 5400
Loc: Pasadena, CA
i try and reserve it - cause when i feel it - i
really want to say it -

i try not to say anything that i don't mean -

i think when i realize i do love someone -

maybe - in a friend way - or maybe in a more way -

i get really excited -

_________________________
"...do not look outside yourself for the leader."
-wisdom of the hopi elders

"...the sign of a true leader is service..." - anonymous



Top
#161257 - 06/12/07 08:01 AM Re: Questions [Re: markgreyblue]
markgreyblue Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/19/03
Posts: 5400
Loc: Pasadena, CA
but it is also scary - since - if they don't return it

it can hurt -

i guess we all hope others will feel the same way -

but that is outside of this post

_________________________
"...do not look outside yourself for the leader."
-wisdom of the hopi elders

"...the sign of a true leader is service..." - anonymous



Top
#161259 - 06/12/07 08:04 AM Re: Questions [Re: markgreyblue]
pain4ever Offline


Registered: 04/05/01
Posts: 1032
Wes,

Yes I wonder all the time because as a kid any male had ulterior motives. So yes it is a problem but I look at it like this. I have grown up...I have survived and now I have to start trusting. BUT NOT Blindedly...smart. Take time and "feel" people out. You have to build trust over again, something taht is extremely hard.

_________________________
Peace and Tranquility all depends on your frame of reference.

Top
#161360 - 06/12/07 04:30 PM Re: Questions [Re: pain4ever]
Patrick63 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/03/07
Posts: 26
Loc: Knoxville, Tennessee
My partner and I tell each other we love each other every day. When I leave for work, he mumbles I love you and I kiss him on the forehead. (I go to work at 245 AM) He calls me a couple of times during the day to see how I am doing and if co-workers are present will tell me "shut the door" which is bad French for "I love you".

That part of our relationship works just great, its just the sex part that is screwed up!

_________________________
I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandmother. Not screaming in terror like her passengers

Top
#161365 - 06/12/07 04:51 PM Re: Questions [Re: Patrick63]
MemoryVault Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/01/07
Posts: 693
Loc: NJ
"Shut the Door" = "Je t'adore"? That's very sweet!

David


Top
#161367 - 06/12/07 05:18 PM Re: Questions [Re: MemoryVault]
mack Offline
Guest

Registered: 03/07/07
Posts: 101
Loc: new mexico
I find that when people say "I love you" to me, I tend to discount the words. But when people say it and SHOW it in some small way, its easier for me to accept.
Not talking gifts or anything real. Maybe just a touch or a look.

_________________________
mack

Top
#161377 - 06/12/07 06:16 PM Re: Questions [Re: mack]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Wes,

That feeling of disbelief towards any expression of genuine affection or love is typical of a survivor still struggling with basic issues of self-esteem and trust. Self-esteem because we can't imagine that we are worth loving, and trust because abuse taught us that kind words often led to betrayal. We just have to keep working on this crap, Wes, and eventually those feelings will pass.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

Top


Moderator:  ModTeam 

I agree that my access and use of the MaleSurvivor discussion forums and chat room is subject to the terms of this Agreement. AND the sole discretion of MaleSurvivor.
I agree that my use of MaleSurvivor resources are AT-WILL, and that my posting privileges may be terminated at any time, and for any reason by MaleSurvivor.