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#160898 - 06/09/07 06:55 PM Re: lonely [Re: roadrunner]
MemoryVault Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/01/07
Posts: 693
Loc: NJ
Wow...yeah! You graduate, and suddenly there's no plan. In first grade, you know you're going to be a senior in twelve years, but you graduate college, and you don't know where the hell you're going. That's when I got that feeling that everyone else got a rule book for life that I didn't get. I really had no idea what I was doing. It was horrible. It seemed like other people had been learning how to live while they were doing school, and I all I'd had was school.

So I went to grad school. \:\(

David


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#160949 - 06/10/07 05:46 AM Re: lonely [Re: MemoryVault]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
David,

My thought - for reasons I have never been able to figure out - was that I would just continue and see what life looked like when I was 25. The age of 25 seemed so magically mature to me. But then when I reached that age I was disappointed. I had my MA, but still no idea what I would do with the rest of my life, or more specifically, how I could continue to function while I was still so deep into a downward spiral of alcohol and drugs to numb out. That became my first priority - coping with the drinking and drugs. Once I dealt with that, of course, everything else became a lot easier for me to handle.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#160977 - 06/10/07 12:01 PM Re: lonely [Re: roadrunner]
Still Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 6399
Loc: 2.5 NATO Nations
David,

That rule book we never got...I began to see that SO fkg vividly in Jr High. I could not believe what I was seeing. Peers whom had engaged parents...peers whom already had life-paths...peers whom already knew what they were doing academically...and in sports.

...and I realized...there were NO peers for this lonely little space alien.

_________________________
Wishing You Were Here!

The Aftermath Video

The Water Buffalo Song

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#160978 - 06/10/07 12:21 PM Re: lonely [Re: Nate]
WesQ Offline
Guest

Registered: 06/10/07
Posts: 31
Loc: Norcross, Georgia, USA
Nate

*big hugs to you*

I am very similar to you in that I was the "good boy" growing up. I was the only child from a very right winged fundementalist family. I was expected to grow up, have kids, be married, etc. All the life of a typical hetero person. BUT, I was not. I came out when I was 17 to my mother first. She cried and wondered what she did wrong. 3 years later, I told my dad. He was very upset and placed me in Aversion Therapy with a group called Exodus International.

But, after 8 months in the program, my sexuality didn't change. I still knew I was gay. I still had feelings for other guys.

You are not alone in the lonely feelings. I still have them myself even thought I have two wonderful partners who love and adore me everyday.

Big hugs to you.

Oh!!! Congrats on your graduation! Very proud of your accomplishments.

Wes

_________________________
" You gotta make your own kind of music
Sing your own special song
Make your own kind music
Even if nobody else sings along"

From "Make Your Own Kind of Music" by Mama Cass Elliott of the Mamas and Papas

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#161581 - 06/14/07 12:12 PM Re: lonely [Re: Nate]
zen-boy Offline
New Here

Registered: 01/23/07
Posts: 35
I, too, feel like I have missed out on the "plan." Was life supposed to be this way? Here I am, at age 43, and I sometimes feel like I have been living someone else's life.


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