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#160514 - 06/07/07 09:21 PM Beating Kids (*****triggers*****)
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Guys,

I have been involved in a discussion elsewhere that drifted, not really by intent, into the area of physical violence in the home, and in particular the pain and trauma suffered by guys who were badly beaten as boys. The discussion has been frank and terribly painful, but important all the same. I thought it might be useful to raise the subject here. It has come up from time to time on the discussion board, but I don't recall it receiving any attention as a topic in its own right.

My experience over the past week is that this one can be very triggering if it's something you have experienced yourself, and perhaps even if it isn't. Please don't read on if you have any doubts.

The starting point for that other discussion was a poem that a teenager (now 17, and not a member or user here) showed me from his blog. Just after Thanksgiving last year, when he was 16, his friend, also 16, had been with some pals at the mall. On a dare he grossed out the Santa - I will spare you the details - and the whole group of course got thrown out by security staff. His father, an alcoholic who weights about 400 pounds, heard of the incident from drinking buddies who teased him about it at a local bar, so he came home drunk and angry and thrashed his son in his room with a leather belt. The boy was so badly injured that he had to be taken to the hospital. The emergency room doctors are of course mandatory reporters, so they reported his injuries and the father was arrested. He was eventually charged, tried, and jailed, and so far as I know he's still incarcerated. The beaten boy was too ashamed to go to school and too badly injured to sing in the school chorus at Christmas, and is now too afraid to even enter the family home. He lives nearby with his grandmother.

His friend was almost hysterical about all this and I suggested he write a poem about how he felt. It seemed to me that this kind of outlet would allow him to really express his feelings about what had happened. The result is this poem, which I asked him if I could share here.

This is how the issue looks to him, and yes, there is a history of cruelty and violence in his own home as well. I myself have no personal experience with this sort of thing, so reading this was an important moment for me. It gave me an insight into a terrible world from which I was fortunately spared.

For a Beaten Boy

I don't get it why grownups go for the belt.
They're going to win anyway, they always do.
So why the belt? - because it's the worst.
Because a kid would rather be kicked in the head
Than get the belt and everything the belt means.

Piss me off? Okay, look what I can do to you.
See how easy it slides off as you watch it.
Feel how much rage and agony one grown man
Can put behind a slender strip of tanned leather.
No hope, no rescuer, as I show you your worth.

Listen to it sing to you as you wait for it, helpless
And terrified as the warm wetness spreads.
I'm curled up in a ball, I can't do more,
Except wonder will I get beaten unconscious
This time, or feel every burning blow.

I wonder how many people know a belt can
Tear the shirt off a kid and scar his back for life.
Did they ever see a boy strapped cross the face and
Figure out how much it hurts to talk, to eat?
Please don't even look at me, I am so ashamed.

Defend yourself and put up a hand? Sure, try it.
You won't be able to hold anything for a week.
Ask how he sleeps with open red welts all
Over him, or how he washes or gets dressed.
Ask was he scared of losing the eye this time.

Last night my friend was waiting and told me
He had been beaten again in his own home.
And we sat gazing into each other's eyes,
Not hesitating to show the tears and the fear
We both know, and the pain that never ends.

But I am not as powerless now as the times when
I was hit, even if I cannot make his father stop.
We have each other and I hold him as he trembles.
This is not your fault and it never could be;
You are as beautiful as before, and as innocent.

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#160517 - 06/07/07 09:42 PM Re: Beating Kids (*****triggers*****) [Re: roadrunner]
EGL Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 06/19/04
Posts: 7821
Thanks for posting this here, Larry. It is so chillingly familiar each time I've read it. And each time I read it, it just leaves me with that same empty, useless feeling from back then. It was like nothing in my life would ever be different, that was just the way it was and I just had to suck it up and live with it. Because the old man was what he was, and nothing was going to change. This poem really captures that.

_________________________
Eddie

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#160518 - 06/07/07 09:44 PM Re: Beating Kids (*****triggers*****) [Re: roadrunner]
mogigo Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/24/07
Posts: 1331
Loc: Colorado
This is a scary post for me, had a couple of flash backs. I can remember the pain of the belt, I can also remember foolishly trying to put my hands in the way and realizing it would hurt less elsewhere.

The pain of belt though hurt far less than the look in my Mother's eyes and what the intention of the beatings seemed to mean to me then. It was the ultimate betrayal, the ultimate confusion from someone I thought was person who would stop that kind of pain from ever being brought upon me. If she was the one to bring the pain how could I ever expect not to be beaten by everyone, if the person who was suppose to love and protect me the most was the one bringing it why would strangers ever do less to me. The trust evaporated that first time and was reinforced more times than I can count. I couldn't trust my Mother that means I cannot trust anyone. I learned my lessons well. I remember the day she hit me and it didn't hurt anymore, I laughed at her and she tried even harder. It just didn't matter anymore she had already beaten my soul out of me so there was nothing left to learn, nothing left to feel. She failed me as a Mother and now my life is a battle to retrieve my soul. The belt is an ugly word with ugly thought's. It will destroy souls.

Stay strong
Mike

_________________________
Thriving

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#160520 - 06/07/07 09:55 PM Re: Beating Kids (*****triggers*****) [Re: mogigo]
EGL Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 06/19/04
Posts: 7821
Man, thinking about this some more, I was thinking that wasn't it bad enough we were getting fucked/raped/etc., and then we have to have this kind of shit on top of all that? God, how did we stay sane? I just shake my head at times because looking back on it collectively and in all its ugliness, it just amazes me that we all didn't kill ourselves.

_________________________
Eddie

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#160559 - 06/07/07 11:50 PM Re: Beating Kids (*****triggers*****) [Re: EGL]
TJ jeff Offline

Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/07/04
Posts: 3362
Loc: Northern Wisconsin
Wow Larry - that poem hits hard

I hated the stick my mother used - but I've got to agree with Mike - what I remember even more than the pain of the blows she inflicted was the look in my mother's eyes - the look that said: you are unloved / unwanted / worthless / inferior / ect... - just plain "less" than any other living thing - the look that said "I own you"

I find it kind of strange thinking back - the fact that my mom actualy did'nt like using a belt - she liked the stick - she felt she could get in better blows with the stick - but... - thinking about it - I'd rather of had the stick than the belt - the stick would pretty much stay on target (which after a while that area would just go numb) - the belt would hit all over the place

_________________________
Who will cry for the little boy? - I will... - Antwone Fisher

Abuse happens in silence/isolation - Recovery happens only when that silence/isolation is broken...

TJ's History

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#160563 - 06/08/07 12:41 AM Re: Beating Kids (*****triggers*****) [Re: TJ jeff]
WalkingSouth Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/30/05
Posts: 16264
That poem really hits home, Larry. I remember the red welts in the shape of the belt end. I remember being so ashamed and unable to participate in anything that would force me to expose any flesh that below my waist.

Thankfully my parents realized at some point how wrong that kind of behavior was. Unfortunately before that happened, the shame and need for affirmation and affection sent me into other unsafe areas which ended in the SA.

It hurts a lot and I have been processing these things this last few days about this very thing, brought about by my fathers failing health and my thoughts regarding his nonexistent relationship with me.

I've shed buckets of tears and cried rivers. I've also typed pages and pages of memories, good and bad, including the beatings. I've ranted and raved and begged him to love me.

I've come out the other side of this with a sense of peace that I am OK, will be OK, and always was OK, and that I am not responsible for the hurt and pain in his live or that of my mothers. I have my life as it stands now, and it is mine to make of what I will. I choose to make it the best life I can, and hopefully I will be more kind and loving than the generation before me.

Thanks again for sharing this, Larry.

Hugs to all my brothers here,

John

_________________________
“Life’s journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting ‘Holy ____…! What a ride!’” ~Hunter S. Thompson

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#160565 - 06/08/07 01:03 AM Re: Beating Kids (*****triggers*****) [Re: WalkingSouth]
mack Offline
Guest

Registered: 03/07/07
Posts: 101
Loc: new mexico
Belt, extension cord, switches, anything within reach. I had put these memories way in the back of my mind. Everyone who respnded to this post has already said the things I want to. Just felt the need to tell you all that I am in that club too.

_________________________
mack

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#160569 - 06/08/07 01:39 AM Re: Beating Kids (*****triggers*****) [Re: WalkingSouth]
Derdlecar Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/08/05
Posts: 1314
Loc: Ogden Utah, USA
Larry,

I've felt the sting of the belt, though not to the extent of this young man. I can say however that this poem does better job of painting a picture of the pain and shame of this kind of treatment than anything else I have ever seen. I can remember one time my little brother had to lay across one arm of the love seat (I find the name love seat to be a bit ironic) and I had to lay across the other. Dad took off his belt and started swinging his belt through the air in a big sideways figure 8. I was on one end of the figure 8 and my brother was at the other. That was the trashing that to me was the worst be cause my little brother was getting it too. It was almost too much to handle.

Wow, this is starting to bring back some memories that are, well I think are kinda good. Yes, they involve being beat with a belt but the part I'm seeing is of me and John after the fact when we both got it. The memory is still in a bit of a cloud, but what I'm seeing is a bit of a tender moment between the two of us. Maybe it was on the night I told about above maybe not, just not too sure at this point. The last verse of the poem is what is triggering this memory.

Thanks for sharing.

Love ya
Darrel

_________________________
If a man would get his life on track, he must first go back to the place where it was derailed.

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#160570 - 06/08/07 01:57 AM Re: Beating Kids (*****triggers*****) [Re: Derdlecar]
Chain Breaker Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/21/07
Posts: 376
Loc: Michigan
Larry, this is a very powerful poem from a young man who surely has been under the belt. Thank-you for sharing it in all its raw emotional power.

***more triggers***

I never got the belt, and my mother confined her corporal punishment to my arse. But she was imaginative. She used paddles specifically made for beating kids, spatulas both metal and rubber, sticks, her shoes, coat hangers, her bare hand, wooden spoons, etc. The worst part of it was the humiliation as she shouted at us, totally out of control, and told us how awful we were, sometimes making us pull our underpants down so she could have access to our bare bottoms. I also got my mouth washed out with soap for being cheeky. Maybe that's not so unusual, but it's still abusive by today's standards.

While this stuff is disturbing and triggering, it's also good to think about once in a while.

Joe

_________________________
My name is Joe. I am a survivor and a good man. You can count on me.

CB

"[Insert your name here], I am [Chain Breaker]. Do you see that I am your friend? Can you see that you will always be my friend?"
--Wind In His Hair, Dances With Wolves

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#160582 - 06/08/07 05:37 AM Re: Beating Kids (*****triggers*****) [Re: Chain Breaker]
sabata Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/08/06
Posts: 1948
my mom had a horse buggy wip...which she used without a thought


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#160595 - 06/08/07 07:59 AM Re: Beating Kids (*****triggers*****) [Re: sabata]
Stefan012 Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 12/18/06
Posts: 281
Loc: The Netherlands
Yeah.. wow. Heavy stuf.

My father would just hit me whit whatever was close enough... or just him hitting and kicking me and when I was younger throwing me against the wall...
There was nothing you could do about it... Nothing you could do to prevent it either, he didn't need a reason.. Just tried to protect my head.
Some memories i vividly remember esp... Like the one time when I was 6 he used a car jack... spent almost two months in the hospital that time.

So many times he hit me so hard I had to be taken to the hospital, getting hit was normal to me.
What I wonder now, why did nobody step in and get the police or youthcare or something involved back then? It must have been so obvious. Why only now, that I'm 17?
That's just wrong.

Stefan

_________________________
You lost the things that you thought you would never miss.
You let them out and miss them while they're gone
But there's memories down here and they will always live down here
No they can't take them away, so they won't

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#160597 - 06/08/07 08:01 AM Re: Beating Kids (*****triggers*****) [Re: Stefan012]
Jaysen Offline
Member

Registered: 06/14/06
Posts: 680
Yup I have those memorys too.
Funny thing is the physical abuse bothers me way more than the SA. I'm not sure why. It just makes you so damn angry...

J


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#160599 - 06/08/07 08:10 AM Re: Beating Kids (*****triggers*****) [Re: Jaysen]
shadowkid Offline
WARNING from ModTeam, September 2013: user "Shadowkid" was exposed as a hoaxer. His entire online persona and stories of sexual abuse were fiction. We encourage you not to become emotionally concerned by anything you see in any of his posts. Thank you
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/18/05
Posts: 2437
when you combine the two its a total mindfuck,sex becomes about pain ,love becomes about pain ,life becomes about pain.everything else just disappears till all that left is pain.ok he got really mad this time so i'll spend the next year in the hospital and the rest of my life trying to heal from it.how far is going too far?

_________________________
its not hard to fall
when you float like a cannonball - damien rice

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#160607 - 06/08/07 08:31 AM Re: Beating Kids (*****triggers*****) [Re: shadowkid]
Jaysen Offline
Member

Registered: 06/14/06
Posts: 680
As far as I'm concerned, hitting me just once was going too far.
A
nd the bastard still wants to get into it with me, to this day. I go over to see my mother and he starts. Only difference now is I'm not a defenseless kid anymore... now I can hit back.

Yes, this topic makes me very angry.

Jay


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#160609 - 06/08/07 08:36 AM Re: Beating Kids (*****triggers*****) [Re: Jaysen]
pain4ever Offline


Registered: 04/05/01
Posts: 1032
My dad used to use belts...particularly is huge weightlifting belt but ot me and maybe I am alone here....but the physical aubse was nothing compared to the psychological and mental abuse.

I have said this before to one of my ex's...hit my if you want (which I didnt let him because I knocked him out when he tried)...just dont demean me. The physical...I took it for years and I can take it but the mental abuse hurts far worse than any other abuse.

_________________________
Peace and Tranquility all depends on your frame of reference.

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#160611 - 06/08/07 08:50 AM Re: Beating Kids (*****triggers*****) [Re: pain4ever]
Jaysen Offline
Member

Registered: 06/14/06
Posts: 680
I'm sure you're not alone in feeling worse about the psychological abuse than the other things.

The mind games suck and it hurts bad to be screwed with psychologically. I don't really think any one kind of abuse is better or worse than the other. It just effects us differently, we all have various memories associated with different kinds of pain. Some was bad, some wasn't so bad.

Jay


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#160612 - 06/08/07 08:56 AM Re: Beating Kids (*****triggers*****) [Re: pain4ever]
Still Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 6376
Loc: 2.5 NATO Nations
I was beaten all too frequently. My father would go in to a psychotic rage that would scare the shit out of anyone..adults too. I'd get kicked.

Not just a normal kick...these were kicks to the rectum. I would feel my rectum defined as it resonated with pain. I use to think "God...with what the older boys do to me there, combined with dad...I'm gonna die."

He was SO scary that I kept my .22 rifle (loaded) under my bed or behind the door...ready to defend my life.

His psycho rages were so bad i was convinced that if I ever fell asleep, I would never wake up again. So I use to stand in the middle of my bedroom floor...away from any chair or the bed so as to not be tempted to sit or lie down and then fall asleep. I'd stand ALL NIGHT...one postition. I could not even shift my weight because if I did, the floor would creak and he'd hear it..and that would mean even MORE violence.

i think I must have seen about 150 sunrises that way....standing in the middle of my bedroom floor...facing east..looking for that sun.

Its a wonder I survived

_________________________
Jesus Loves The Hell Outta Me!

Still's Globs

New Video

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#160615 - 06/08/07 09:06 AM Re: Beating Kids (*****triggers*****) [Re: Still]
Jaysen Offline
Member

Registered: 06/14/06
Posts: 680
That's the kind of thing nightmares are made of, it is a wonder that you survived. It's a wonder that any of us did. I think your dad and my dad should get together for a few beers. Let them get out of control angry and kill each other.

Jay


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#160618 - 06/08/07 09:10 AM Re: Beating Kids (*****triggers*****) [Re: Jaysen]
Still Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 6376
Loc: 2.5 NATO Nations
Last week, I woke up standing in the middle of my bedroom floor.

_________________________
Jesus Loves The Hell Outta Me!

Still's Globs

New Video

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#160620 - 06/08/07 09:20 AM Re: Beating Kids (*****triggers*****) [Re: Still]
pain4ever Offline


Registered: 04/05/01
Posts: 1032
Robbie...I am so sorry...crying...

_________________________
Peace and Tranquility all depends on your frame of reference.

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#160625 - 06/08/07 09:37 AM Re: Beating Kids (*****triggers*****) [Re: pain4ever]
Still Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 6376
Loc: 2.5 NATO Nations
I use to think..."If Viet Nam POW's could go through things like that....and they were all beaten too...I could too...cuz i was young and well-fed...they were starved." But I use to wonder why I had to go through that.

I use to hope the mother ship would return for me...me, the abandoned space alien....cuz I surely did not belong on this planet.

I use to talk to ME in the mirror (another reason mirrors are so hard for me) and convince myself to stay alive for just one more day. An 8 year-old should not have to do that.

_________________________
Jesus Loves The Hell Outta Me!

Still's Globs

New Video

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#160627 - 06/08/07 09:42 AM Re: Beating Kids (*****triggers*****) [Re: Still]
Still Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 6376
Loc: 2.5 NATO Nations
...and now the fun part guys......

I'm meeting with him today regarding some estate business.

And my little confrontation with him about the beatings...he's pretty much forgetting about it all...made comments to my sister like "Robbie need to get over this crap."



_________________________
Jesus Loves The Hell Outta Me!

Still's Globs

New Video

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#160629 - 06/08/07 09:51 AM Re: Beating Kids (*****triggers*****) [Re: Still]
Jaysen Offline
Member

Registered: 06/14/06
Posts: 680
You know what Rob, I hate your father.

J


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#160633 - 06/08/07 10:00 AM Re: Beating Kids (*****triggers*****) [Re: Jaysen]
Jaysen Offline
Member

Registered: 06/14/06
Posts: 680
This topic is really getting to me.

J


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#160636 - 06/08/07 10:14 AM Re: Beating Kids (*****triggers*****) [Re: Jaysen]
Still Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 6376
Loc: 2.5 NATO Nations
I gotta keep in mind, while I meet with him...I use to pee my pants when he'd slap me or kick me. I'd shit myself with the right kick. But like so many others here...I learned to not cry eventually.

I could have put a bullet in him at any time as a kid. I had more compassion for him than he did for me...I know I would never have gone to jail...I would never have allowed it.

Its strange what will keep you alive in my sick little family.

_________________________
Jesus Loves The Hell Outta Me!

Still's Globs

New Video

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#160643 - 06/08/07 10:34 AM Re: Beating Kids (*****triggers*****) [Re: Still]
Jaysen Offline
Member

Registered: 06/14/06
Posts: 680
You should have.

J


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#160651 - 06/08/07 11:34 AM Re: Beating Kids (*****triggers*****) *DELETED* [Re: pain4ever]
buzz_key Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/31/07
Posts: 635
Loc: USA
Post deleted by buzz_key


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#160654 - 06/08/07 11:57 AM Re: Beating Kids (*****triggers*****) [Re: buzz_key]
pain4ever Offline


Registered: 04/05/01
Posts: 1032
Oh ggod guys...I am so sorry...
Rob...becareful bud...be safe... iam right there with you...crying mad eit worse.

(((((((((((Buzz)))))))))))))(((((((((((Rob)))))))))))))

_________________________
Peace and Tranquility all depends on your frame of reference.

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#160657 - 06/08/07 12:21 PM Re: Beating Kids (*****triggers*****) [Re: Stefan012]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Stefan,

Originally Posted By: Stefan012
What I wonder now, why did nobody step in and get the police or youthcare or something involved back then? It must have been so obvious. Why only now, that I'm 17?
That's just wrong.


It sure is wrong, bro. This is another reason, I think, why we should be pleased when a survivor tells his story in print. Society at large doesn't want to know about such things; they show how rotten things really are and they challenge people to stop being so complacent. And of course people like being complacent - they need to maintain the fantasy of the cool safe world they think they live in. When these stories are told - over and over again - the cruelty becomes more difficult to ignore.

I don't know about the Netherlands, Stefan, but in the USA, the UK and Germany, doctors of all kinds are mandatory reporters; they must report signs of physical or sexual abuse when they find them. But that's the law and reality is something else. My understanding is that there are still massive numbers of cases that go unreported in the USA.

I have heard different reasons for this, but I try to put myself in the position of a doctor who's examining a beaten kid and recognizes that all this is from abuse. How the hell can he live with himself after he sends this kid home for more of the same?

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#160659 - 06/08/07 12:25 PM Re: Beating Kids (*****triggers*****) [Re: Jaysen]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Jay,

Originally Posted By: Jaysen
Funny thing is the physical abuse bothers me way more than the SA. I'm not sure why. It just makes you so damn angry...


Maybe the guy who wrote the poem already has the answer for that one - because getting beaten like that gives the boy the idea that he just isn't worth being treated any better than this. Hell, most people wouldn't beat an animal like some kids are beaten.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

Top
#160660 - 06/08/07 12:29 PM Re: Beating Kids (*****triggers*****) [Re: Still]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Rob,

I am so sorry to hear all this. It's a childhood from hell, that's for sure.

Originally Posted By: Robbie Brown
...and now the fun part guys......

I'm meeting with him today regarding some estate business.

And my little confrontation with him about the beatings...he's pretty much forgetting about it all...made comments to my sister like "Robbie need to get over this crap."


You know, you don't have to let him into your life if this is all he has to offer. He sounds as bad as any of the other toxic monsters we hear about here.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

Top
#160688 - 06/08/07 02:29 PM Re: Beating Kids (*****triggers*****) [Re: roadrunner]
Still Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 6376
Loc: 2.5 NATO Nations
.



Edited by Robbie Brown (06/08/07 02:37 PM)
_________________________
Jesus Loves The Hell Outta Me!

Still's Globs

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#160689 - 06/08/07 02:33 PM Re: Beating Kids (*****triggers*****) [Re: Still]
pain4ever Offline


Registered: 04/05/01
Posts: 1032
Rob how did it go???

Whats going on...you okay?

_________________________
Peace and Tranquility all depends on your frame of reference.

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#160690 - 06/08/07 02:33 PM Re: Beating Kids (*****triggers*****) [Re: Still]
Still Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 6376
Loc: 2.5 NATO Nations
This thread's getting into some really dark stuff (for me). I'm done.



Edited by Robbie Brown (06/08/07 02:48 PM)
_________________________
Jesus Loves The Hell Outta Me!

Still's Globs

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#160698 - 06/08/07 03:06 PM Re: Beating Kids (*****triggers*****) [Re: Still]
Chain Breaker Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/21/07
Posts: 376
Loc: Michigan
Robbie and Buzz,

I hear you both. I'm sorry for the cruelty to which you were subjected. It was so, so wrong! I love you guys, and I wish I could have protected you, but I was just a kid myself and didn't know you back then.

Stefan,

Your father's abuse was absolutely dreadful. Why nobody took you away from your father much earlier is a mystery to me, too. The doctors who never turned him in should hang their heads in shame. I'm glad you're safer now.

Take care, guys. You're all in my prayers.
Joe

_________________________
My name is Joe. I am a survivor and a good man. You can count on me.

CB

"[Insert your name here], I am [Chain Breaker]. Do you see that I am your friend? Can you see that you will always be my friend?"
--Wind In His Hair, Dances With Wolves

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#160736 - 06/08/07 07:25 PM Re: Beating Kids (*****triggers*****) [Re: sabata]
emptydreamer Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/19/07
Posts: 276
Loc: Midwest USA
Powerful poem! It did trigger memories that had not surfaced for quite some time. My father used many tactics to terrify us, starting with his foul, degrading mouth, screaming at the top of his lungs, veins popping, temples pulsing as he backed us into the corner, towering over us like a giant. Then, as the cussing and yelling increased, the sound of that belt popping through each loop as it was ripped off, and then, trying my best to protect my face, the one place that nothing could hide the marks, and wondering how long it will last, this time. My mother preferred a paddle, I remember "ol sizzler" very well. His name was burned into the wood the paddle was made of. I probably deserved some of the paddle from her, but never the beatings that my father was so good at. I know that everyone is different, but it is frightening how much of the same type of shit many of us had to endure. I really like the poem, even with the unwanted effects of reading it, I read it again. Best wishes, and warmest regards to you all. Scott

_________________________
I'm here for a reason. Failure is not an option.

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#160764 - 06/08/07 09:06 PM Re: Beating Kids (*****triggers*****) [Re: emptydreamer]
Joseph25 Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 12/04/06
Posts: 76
Loc: Canada
It is quite a poem...

I used to hide, sabotosh, or break the things that i was beaten with that hurt the most. That was a good personal victory at 6 yrs old. By the time I was 10 most of the time I no longer felt it. Once I even laughed during a beating and paid for it. I paid for it a long time. After that I would always remember to scream when it didnt hurt as much otherwise it would intensify until i did. Again I take that as a victory because i could sometimes control how vicious they were. Fuckin Bitch. I didnt know I could feel so sad and angry just writing this.


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#160772 - 06/08/07 09:23 PM Re: Beating Kids (*****triggers*****) [Re: Joseph25]
Stefan012 Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 12/18/06
Posts: 281
Loc: The Netherlands
Sometimes I wouldn't really feel it either when it was happening. After it was over I would though.. Hurted enough then for sure. I would like 'be there, but not really'. I knew it was happening to me, but it was like my mind was seperate from my body or something. Not sure how to explain. Rotten thing though that after it was over it would all still hurt anyway.

In the summer or whenever I would get an invitation for a swimming party it would create problems, as the scars fresh and old would be visible in just swimming clothes.. Or whit gym at school, changing. But the showers at highschool don't work so at least that wasn't a problem.

I'm not sure about reporting rules here. Guess my father was good at 'telling them what had happened'.

Stefan.

_________________________
You lost the things that you thought you would never miss.
You let them out and miss them while they're gone
But there's memories down here and they will always live down here
No they can't take them away, so they won't

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#160781 - 06/08/07 10:02 PM Re: Beating Kids (*****triggers*****) [Re: Stefan012]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Stefan,

Originally Posted By: Stefan012
I would like 'be there, but not really'. I knew it was happening to me, but it was like my mind was seperate from my body or something. Not sure how to explain.


What you describe is called "dissociation". When really awful and traumatic things happen to a boy he will sometimes defend himself by pretending that he isn't "there"; that is, he convinces himself that the abuse really isn't happening to him because he's no longer in that body.

When I was 10-14 my version of that was to "go" to a picture or something else on the wall, and then continue on to a corner of the ceiling, where I would curl up in a ball trying not to listen to what was happening to the boy in the room below me. All a fantasy of course, but it's a common way for a child to seek safety.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#160795 - 06/08/07 11:40 PM Re: Beating Kids (*****triggers*****) [Re: roadrunner]
OKIE MIKE Offline
Member

Registered: 02/13/04
Posts: 979
Loc: HULBERT OK
There is no reason to "Beat" A child . I am not against spanking on the butt . Though there are limits that You should not go Beond

_________________________
MICHAEL

"I HAD NO SHOES THEN I SAW A MAN THAT HAD NO FEET"

"All I can do is be me, whoever that is"

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#160802 - 06/09/07 01:36 AM Re: Beating Kids (*****triggers*****) [Re: OKIE MIKE]
Joseph25 Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 12/04/06
Posts: 76
Loc: Canada
Stefan, i can relate to what you and most others here have said.


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#160821 - 06/09/07 06:35 AM Re: Beating Kids (*****triggers*****) [Re: OKIE MIKE]
Alexander Offline
Member

Registered: 10/17/06
Posts: 223
Loc: The Netherlands
The s.abuse would usually be combined whit also physical abuse... thankfully mostly 'just' bruises wich would fade away and almost no permanent scars. There were some broken bones though.. And once boiling hot water, you can still see that.

Alexander

_________________________
Come on, oh my star is fading
And I see no chance of release
And I know I'm dead on the surface
But I am screaming underneath

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#160843 - 06/09/07 11:11 AM Re: Beating Kids (*****triggers*****) [Re: Alexander]
MB57 Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 03/24/05
Posts: 15
Loc: IA, USA
I remember as 5-6 yr old we were scered of father, go to sleep/pretend sleep when he is home. Shit scared to face him. The beatings were terrible. Watching him abusive on elder brothers and mom and other employees was very traumatising. The beating with the belt is so terrorizing, traumatic. It is so cruel. Then after about 9-10 My elder brother about 8 yr old started physically abusing in the same fashion that was more humiliating. My mom was help less. he was mean and agressive.It was terrifying experience, the helpless ness, hope less ness and the power less ness was overwhelming. All we got from help less mom is that it was KARMA. I guess that was kind emotional abuse.

I do not know if the physical abuse is better than the psycological/verbal abuse. My mom had 4 sibbling dead/partial births after me. I still vaguely remember 5 yr old being blamed for it by father/mother/brothers as i was bad luck/evil my horoscope/stars are bad. This thing continued all my child hood. My bad luck was blamed for any finacial problem in the family. I still remember an incidence when my mom was sick i was sitting in the corner whike whole family was sitting by mom, i was crying and self loathing, afraid of mom may die because of my bad luck/karma. Imagine a kid growing up always blaming him self and afraid of some thing bad going to happen. I am crying now.

Ofcourse i gotten into CSA for over a decade or more. May be as result of emotion/physical/verbal abuse. Now I donot no which one caused me more damage. After 35 yrs after never existed child hood, I always blamed my luck horoscope , kept on screwing up my life by going in circles , pretty well defined self sobotaging pattern. I do not know which was the casuse is it emotion- physical or CSA. I am sick of anxiety, depression and hopelesness.

I wished god/ family should have killed me when i was a child, instead of putting me through life of hell.
I was some how attracted to sprituality,god,relegion at a very young age like 10. Now i wonder that was my minds trick to handle all the crap. Because of my spirituality i can not give up my self keep trying. After a self assesment i feel empty and my belief in god has become questionable. I do not know what to thing any more.

Sorry for boring you guys.


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#160845 - 06/09/07 11:19 AM Re: Beating Kids (*****triggers*****) [Re: MB57]
WalkingSouth Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/30/05
Posts: 16264
MB

Please don't think you are boring us. You have a story to tell and it is something you need to tell. The telling and the tears can be very healing. I am so sorry those things happened in your life, in all our lives. We didn't deserve that as little guys. It was criminal.

I wish you the very best. You deserve it!

Lots of love,

John

_________________________
“Life’s journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting ‘Holy ____…! What a ride!’” ~Hunter S. Thompson

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#160848 - 06/09/07 11:36 AM Re: Beating Kids (*****triggers*****) [Re: WalkingSouth]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
MB57,

I am so sorry to hear about all the things that happened to you. As John said, it's just criminal - no two ways about it.

But you know what? Take your post and put someone else's name in there and see what you think. Would you blame him? I bet you wouldn't. You would be trying to reassure him of his innocence, just as we are trying to reassure you.

It's damn hard to let go of these bad feelings about ourselves and it doesn't happen in a day, that's for sure. We have been programmed too long to recognize easily how false all those feelings are. But hang in there. You were as defenseless and innocent as all the other boys whose ives were wrecked by someone else's cruel or indifference.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#160875 - 06/09/07 04:49 PM Re: Beating Kids (*****triggers*****) [Re: roadrunner]
MB57 Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 03/24/05
Posts: 15
Loc: IA, USA
Larry & John
Thanks for your support. The Topic Just opened the emotional flood gates. I will try to gather myself. My case is freaking complicated with all abuses and superstetious believes ( social abuse), I am afraid the T's will get confused. I am working out of this mess for over couple years now. This site is very helpfull.

Thanks and with the help of you guys and God i will be OK


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#160897 - 06/09/07 06:53 PM Re: Beating Kids (*****triggers*****) [Re: MB57]
WalkingSouth Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/30/05
Posts: 16264
Hold on tight, MB and don't be afraid to tell the T what you need to tell him/her. It's what you're paying them for. It will also help them know better how to help you. And of course you always have the guys here. We'll believe in you when you find it difficult to believe in yourself. I know the guys here have done that for me on occasion.

Lots of love,

John

_________________________
“Life’s journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting ‘Holy ____…! What a ride!’” ~Hunter S. Thompson

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#160903 - 06/09/07 07:46 PM Re: Beating Kids (*****triggers*****) [Re: WalkingSouth]
RICK57 Offline
Member

Registered: 12/31/03
Posts: 1611
Loc: ENGLAND
It's a few weeks since I've been here & I presume that means I'm making progress & don't need the support so much. To some extent I feel selfish going out and doing the things that I need to do now!

When I first came here, I remember making a post, where I said I didn't know which was worse, being groomed and abused, or attacked and physically beaten into being abused. I concluded that there wasn't a better way to be abused because it's all wrong!

I was never abused within the family, either physically or sexually & can't imagine what that must feel like - being let down by those who should protect you more than anyone.

I remember being caned once at school (7 years old) - it was one strike on the hand ( which bruised 3 fingers)! Reason - you weren't allowed to be in the school buildings at break times. I went in to wash my hands because I had been working in the school gardens & wanted my hands clean before I ate. This was the first time I didn't understand 'adults / rules'.

I don't ever remember being hit by either of my parents - if we did something wrong, usually the tone of voice was enough. When I was 8, we moved town & my brother and myself stole some of my parents money to buy things to impress the other kids. My mother worked out what was happening & I just remember that mortified expression on her face! It was the same expression I saw again when I told her that nobody loved me - this was just after the abuse stopped, and I had realised what had actually happened (I'd been conned big style). She didn't know why I said what I did!

Where am i going with this! Well I remember one day I was looking after my niece who was about 4 at the time. She went towards the gas fire, and tried to grab the flames. I had to move quickly to stop her, and gave her a mild tap at the time because I was shocked at what could have happened and didn't want her going near the flames again, She was mortified and ran home (9 doors away screaming that I had hit her - there were no marks, she was just as shocked as I was). I wish I could have just grabbed her away from danger without resorting to smacking her as well. I've never smacked another child/person since & that was 21 years ago - she can't even remember it!

I feel guilty because I did it once & yet some of you suffered every day of your young lives.

MB57 - you don't have to believe in anything else, just believe in yourself!

Best wishes ...RIk

_________________________
*Never look down on anybody unless you're helping them up.
*I was seeking a way of expressing my anger - I found hope!
*There are many battles before the war is won! It can be won!

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#160915 - 06/09/07 09:26 PM Re: Beating Kids (*****triggers*****) [Re: RICK57]
demonboi Offline
Member

Registered: 05/14/05
Posts: 228
Loc: East Coast
When I read the poem it made me really sad.

I got hit when I was little, with switcheds (thin branches pulled from trees and you have to take the leaves and things off them so they're just thin) sometimes a belt. It was just a part of life. All my friends got switched too, it was just apart of our lives.

I never really considered it getting beat or anything like that. My dad was the one who mostly switched us, sometimes my mom did but not very often. I still love my dad tons and I've never really hated him for it. Guess my enviroment de-sensitized (sp?) me to getting beat...or something.

Sorry. I'm not making much sense.

_________________________
Every corner, every city
There's a place where life's a little easy
Little Hennessy, laid back and cool
Every hour, cause it's all good
Leave all the stress from the world outside
Every wrong done will be alright
Nothin but peace, love
And street passion, every ghetto needs a thug mansion

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#160916 - 06/09/07 09:49 PM Re: Beating Kids (*****triggers*****) [Re: demonboi]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Nyjah,

You make all the sense in the world. A lot of kids think it's normal and okay to get hit like this, but as you say, all your friends thought the same thing. You didn't have anything to compare with.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

Top
#160964 - 06/10/07 09:06 AM Re: Beating Kids (*****triggers*****) [Re: roadrunner]
Alexander Offline
Member

Registered: 10/17/06
Posts: 223
Loc: The Netherlands
I don't know what part was worse. Waiting until you would get abused or actually getting abused.
After a while I didn't mind getting hit so much anymore as you get used to it I guess. But then whit the boiling hot water, he had a powerful tool again... He could make me so so scared by just mentioning it.. Always afraid he would do it again.
He would sometimes use a belt but made sure that if he did he would hit on the spots he had hit me on before so I wouldn't get to much scars.

Alexander

_________________________
Come on, oh my star is fading
And I see no chance of release
And I know I'm dead on the surface
But I am screaming underneath

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#160971 - 06/10/07 10:45 AM Re: Beating Kids (*****triggers*****) [Re: Alexander]
TJ jeff Offline

Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/07/04
Posts: 3362
Loc: Northern Wisconsin
Alexander,

for me... - the never knowing what might set mother off was the worst - living a life of walking on eggshells - always trying to be as quiet and unnoticable as possible

yeah, the stick hurt - but it was hurt that faded within a few hours or days at the worst - the consant level of awareness that another "discipline session" was comming was a hurt that was there 24/7 as a kid

_________________________
Who will cry for the little boy? - I will... - Antwone Fisher

Abuse happens in silence/isolation - Recovery happens only when that silence/isolation is broken...

TJ's History

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#161100 - 06/11/07 10:55 AM Re: Beating Kids (*****triggers*****) [Re: TJ jeff]
Xavier91 Offline
Guest

Registered: 06/11/07
Posts: 84
Originally Posted By: TJ jeff
Alexander,

for me... - the never knowing what might set mother off was the worst - living a life of walking on eggshells - always trying to be as quiet and unnoticable as possible


I so agree whit that. My 'mother' was so unpredictable... You never knew when she would come to hit us.

As the oldest brother I was the one taking care of my younger brothers... Like getting them clean, trying to fix something to eat, bringing them to school etc.. Even when we were as young as 2 or 3 whe knew we had to be as quiet as possible so maybe she wouldn't notice us. So maybe she wouldn't hit us today.
I tried to protect my brothers from her... And I would feel worst if I didn't succeed.
I wasn't a kid back then.. I was a 5,6,7,8 year old adult trying to protect and take care of my younger brothers.

Xavier

_________________________
Rather laugh about what has been
Then fear what still comes, perhaps
Rather loving a big ghost
Then hating something that you can’t see

You are gone, but closer then ever

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#161103 - 06/11/07 11:22 AM Re: Beating Kids (*****triggers*****) [Re: roadrunner]
Chain Breaker Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/21/07
Posts: 376
Loc: Michigan
Rick,

I don't think you should feel guilty about a mild tap. If you had just pulled your niece away, she might have been curious again and tried again. Either way, she was going to feel some pain. Better the mild pain you gave her that a possibly disfiguring or maiming injury that she could have received had she gotten burned. I don't see a problem with mild corporal punishment in connection with a safety issue. The problem is when it doesn't have to do with the child's safety, it is more than mild, or it's administered in anger.

I spanked my son twice, with my bare hand. Both times were gentle swats when he was getting ready to run into the street. I remained calm and cool on both occasions. He never repeated that behaviour, and I never had any desire to spank him again. I think spanking is usually unwarranted, and my son only received two spankings from me (trousers up). Same with my daughter, only think I only spanked her once.

It's just not worth the bad memories and lack of trust that will come with doing any more than that.

_________________________
My name is Joe. I am a survivor and a good man. You can count on me.

CB

"[Insert your name here], I am [Chain Breaker]. Do you see that I am your friend? Can you see that you will always be my friend?"
--Wind In His Hair, Dances With Wolves

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#161104 - 06/11/07 11:24 AM Re: Beating Kids (*****triggers*****) [Re: Chain Breaker]
Chain Breaker Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/21/07
Posts: 376
Loc: Michigan
Xavier,

That's tough having to be an adult when you're supposed to be a kid. For me, childhood ended with my sexual abuse when I was either nine or ten.

I'm glad now that it's over.

--Joe

_________________________
My name is Joe. I am a survivor and a good man. You can count on me.

CB

"[Insert your name here], I am [Chain Breaker]. Do you see that I am your friend? Can you see that you will always be my friend?"
--Wind In His Hair, Dances With Wolves

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#161106 - 06/11/07 11:33 AM Re: Beating Kids (*****triggers*****) [Re: Chain Breaker]
Xavier91 Offline
Guest

Registered: 06/11/07
Posts: 84
Yeah it was, but I didn't know any better...
When we finally got away from there when I was 8, I did learn to let most of that go and just be a kid again, but I still do feel responsible a lot for my brothers.

Xavier

_________________________
Rather laugh about what has been
Then fear what still comes, perhaps
Rather loving a big ghost
Then hating something that you can’t see

You are gone, but closer then ever

Top
#161155 - 06/11/07 04:52 PM Re: Beating Kids (*****triggers*****) [Re: Xavier91]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Xavier,

Originally Posted By: Xavier91
I tried to protect my brothers from her... And I would feel worst if I didn't succeed.
I wasn't a kid back then.. I was a 5,6,7,8 year old adult trying to protect and take care of my younger brothers.


Right here is a priority to aim for on your first day with us. If you could not succeed in protecting your little brothers that was never your fault - for the simple reason that it is never a kid's responsibility to be the protector of his siblings from his mother!

Your comment about being an 8-year-old adult reflects something that's so common in guys like yourself - the problem of stolen youth. It's one of the worst things that can happen to a teenager, in my opinion.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#161204 - 06/11/07 10:23 PM Re: Beating Kids (*****triggers*****) [Re: roadrunner]
Xavier91 Offline
Guest

Registered: 06/11/07
Posts: 84
Yeah I guess so Larry, it just isn't so easy.

_________________________
Rather laugh about what has been
Then fear what still comes, perhaps
Rather loving a big ghost
Then hating something that you can’t see

You are gone, but closer then ever

Top
#161270 - 06/12/07 08:34 AM Re: Beating Kids (*****triggers*****) *DELETED* [Re: roadrunner]
krayoss Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/18/01
Posts: 112
Loc: west
Post deleted by krayoss


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#161290 - 06/12/07 09:55 AM Re: Beating Kids (*****triggers*****) [Re: krayoss]
Xavier91 Offline
Guest

Registered: 06/11/07
Posts: 84
Once one of my 'mothers' boyfriend used a bycicle chain on me.
I didn't know what was up and what was down anymore after that one.
But esp. knifes trigger me a lot. I've got many scars from that time, when i was 8, including a big one on my face, it got me in the hospital for 2 months and then a year of in and out of the hospital all the time... But at least then we got away from her. And we got adopted \:\)

Xavier

_________________________
Rather laugh about what has been
Then fear what still comes, perhaps
Rather loving a big ghost
Then hating something that you can’t see

You are gone, but closer then ever

Top
#161315 - 06/12/07 11:38 AM Re: Beating Kids (*****triggers*****) [Re: krayoss]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Krayoss,

Originally Posted By: krayoss
Ironicly I now care for my 83 year-old mother who has had a stroke, diabetes and Parkinson's, sometimes I hear her old evil deep down self but I answer her back with the compassion I never got - this is helping me conquer the ghosts, to deal with the painfull past and the truths I had spent my adult life trying to get away from to anesthetize myself out of knowing what I know.


This is the kind of thing we need to credit ourselves for a lot more than we do. We all have choices. The abusers did, and we have choices now. I keep seeing time after time after time how survivors make the compassionate and decent choices, even with the ones who tormented and hurt them. Good for you.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

Top
#161324 - 06/12/07 12:33 PM Re: Beating Kids (*****triggers*****) [Re: Xavier91]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Xavier,

A fucking bicycle chain. Man does that push my hot buttons! We're not supposed to threaten harm on the discussion board, but perhaps the mods would allow me to ponder, for a moment, the sweet image of this guy meeting an adult armed with a similar bicycle chain.

Much satisfaction,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

Top
#161335 - 06/12/07 01:19 PM Re: Beating Kids (*****triggers*****) [Re: roadrunner]
Leosha Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/18/03
Posts: 3614
Loc: Right here
My avatar picture is my younger brother, who did not survive life in our family to grow up at all. And like Stefan, my father 'told them what happened' to cause his death.

To much bad thoughts and memories.

Leosha

_________________________
Avatar photo in memory of my younger brother Makar.

"Human salvation lies in the hands of the creatively maladjusted."~~~Martin Luther King Jr., 1963

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#161349 - 06/12/07 02:46 PM Re: Beating Kids (*****triggers*****) [Re: Xavier91]
Chain Breaker Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/21/07
Posts: 376
Loc: Michigan
Krayoss,

You're a good man! Thanks for sharing about your care for your mother. It means a lot.

Joe

_________________________
My name is Joe. I am a survivor and a good man. You can count on me.

CB

"[Insert your name here], I am [Chain Breaker]. Do you see that I am your friend? Can you see that you will always be my friend?"
--Wind In His Hair, Dances With Wolves

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#161350 - 06/12/07 02:51 PM Re: Beating Kids (*****triggers*****) [Re: Chain Breaker]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Leosha,

I remember the tragic story of your younger brother. i'm so sorry, and I hope you do have some good memories of him.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

Top
#161351 - 06/12/07 02:52 PM Re: Beating Kids (*****triggers*****) [Re: Xavier91]
Chain Breaker Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/21/07
Posts: 376
Loc: Michigan
Xavier,

I am right with Larry on this one. I remember how horrified I was when I learned that one of my mom's special-ed students had been thrown against the wall whilst an infant. This bicycle chain shit ranks right up there, and so do the knives. I'm just glad you're still alive. I've always wondered how someone could do these horrific things to children. I've always thought of children as precious. For someone to do that is a crime of the darkest kind, and a horror.

I'm so glad you're here, Xavier. You truly do know what it means to be a survivor.

Hugs,
Joe

_________________________
My name is Joe. I am a survivor and a good man. You can count on me.

CB

"[Insert your name here], I am [Chain Breaker]. Do you see that I am your friend? Can you see that you will always be my friend?"
--Wind In His Hair, Dances With Wolves

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#161358 - 06/12/07 04:13 PM Re: Beating Kids (*****triggers*****) [Re: sabata]
reality2k4 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/06/04
Posts: 6838
Loc: Stuck between water, air, and ...
Larry, I remember so much about feeling so small and vulnerable as a kid.
I certainly got more than my fair share of beatings, mainly at school for being late, and 'daydreaming'!

Such luxury was not available to me, so I got whacked,

ste

_________________________
Whoever stole the Sun, put it back and we'll drop all the charges!

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