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#160964 - 06/10/07 09:06 AM Re: Beating Kids (*****triggers*****) [Re: roadrunner]
Alexander Offline
Member

Registered: 10/17/06
Posts: 223
Loc: The Netherlands
I don't know what part was worse. Waiting until you would get abused or actually getting abused.
After a while I didn't mind getting hit so much anymore as you get used to it I guess. But then whit the boiling hot water, he had a powerful tool again... He could make me so so scared by just mentioning it.. Always afraid he would do it again.
He would sometimes use a belt but made sure that if he did he would hit on the spots he had hit me on before so I wouldn't get to much scars.

Alexander

_________________________
Come on, oh my star is fading
And I see no chance of release
And I know I'm dead on the surface
But I am screaming underneath

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#160971 - 06/10/07 10:45 AM Re: Beating Kids (*****triggers*****) [Re: Alexander]
TJ jeff Offline

Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/07/04
Posts: 3354
Loc: Northern Wisconsin
Alexander,

for me... - the never knowing what might set mother off was the worst - living a life of walking on eggshells - always trying to be as quiet and unnoticable as possible

yeah, the stick hurt - but it was hurt that faded within a few hours or days at the worst - the consant level of awareness that another "discipline session" was comming was a hurt that was there 24/7 as a kid

_________________________
Who will cry for the little boy? - I will... - Antwone Fisher

Abuse happens in silence/isolation - Recovery happens only when that silence/isolation is broken...

TJ's History

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#161100 - 06/11/07 10:55 AM Re: Beating Kids (*****triggers*****) [Re: TJ jeff]
Xavier91 Offline
Guest

Registered: 06/11/07
Posts: 84
Originally Posted By: TJ jeff
Alexander,

for me... - the never knowing what might set mother off was the worst - living a life of walking on eggshells - always trying to be as quiet and unnoticable as possible


I so agree whit that. My 'mother' was so unpredictable... You never knew when she would come to hit us.

As the oldest brother I was the one taking care of my younger brothers... Like getting them clean, trying to fix something to eat, bringing them to school etc.. Even when we were as young as 2 or 3 whe knew we had to be as quiet as possible so maybe she wouldn't notice us. So maybe she wouldn't hit us today.
I tried to protect my brothers from her... And I would feel worst if I didn't succeed.
I wasn't a kid back then.. I was a 5,6,7,8 year old adult trying to protect and take care of my younger brothers.

Xavier

_________________________
Rather laugh about what has been
Then fear what still comes, perhaps
Rather loving a big ghost
Then hating something that you canít see

You are gone, but closer then ever

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#161103 - 06/11/07 11:22 AM Re: Beating Kids (*****triggers*****) [Re: roadrunner]
Chain Breaker Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/21/07
Posts: 376
Loc: Michigan
Rick,

I don't think you should feel guilty about a mild tap. If you had just pulled your niece away, she might have been curious again and tried again. Either way, she was going to feel some pain. Better the mild pain you gave her that a possibly disfiguring or maiming injury that she could have received had she gotten burned. I don't see a problem with mild corporal punishment in connection with a safety issue. The problem is when it doesn't have to do with the child's safety, it is more than mild, or it's administered in anger.

I spanked my son twice, with my bare hand. Both times were gentle swats when he was getting ready to run into the street. I remained calm and cool on both occasions. He never repeated that behaviour, and I never had any desire to spank him again. I think spanking is usually unwarranted, and my son only received two spankings from me (trousers up). Same with my daughter, only think I only spanked her once.

It's just not worth the bad memories and lack of trust that will come with doing any more than that.

_________________________
My name is Joe. I am a survivor and a good man. You can count on me.

CB

"[Insert your name here], I am [Chain Breaker]. Do you see that I am your friend? Can you see that you will always be my friend?"
--Wind In His Hair, Dances With Wolves

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#161104 - 06/11/07 11:24 AM Re: Beating Kids (*****triggers*****) [Re: Chain Breaker]
Chain Breaker Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/21/07
Posts: 376
Loc: Michigan
Xavier,

That's tough having to be an adult when you're supposed to be a kid. For me, childhood ended with my sexual abuse when I was either nine or ten.

I'm glad now that it's over.

--Joe

_________________________
My name is Joe. I am a survivor and a good man. You can count on me.

CB

"[Insert your name here], I am [Chain Breaker]. Do you see that I am your friend? Can you see that you will always be my friend?"
--Wind In His Hair, Dances With Wolves

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#161106 - 06/11/07 11:33 AM Re: Beating Kids (*****triggers*****) [Re: Chain Breaker]
Xavier91 Offline
Guest

Registered: 06/11/07
Posts: 84
Yeah it was, but I didn't know any better...
When we finally got away from there when I was 8, I did learn to let most of that go and just be a kid again, but I still do feel responsible a lot for my brothers.

Xavier

_________________________
Rather laugh about what has been
Then fear what still comes, perhaps
Rather loving a big ghost
Then hating something that you canít see

You are gone, but closer then ever

Top
#161155 - 06/11/07 04:52 PM Re: Beating Kids (*****triggers*****) [Re: Xavier91]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Xavier,

Originally Posted By: Xavier91
I tried to protect my brothers from her... And I would feel worst if I didn't succeed.
I wasn't a kid back then.. I was a 5,6,7,8 year old adult trying to protect and take care of my younger brothers.


Right here is a priority to aim for on your first day with us. If you could not succeed in protecting your little brothers that was never your fault - for the simple reason that it is never a kid's responsibility to be the protector of his siblings from his mother!

Your comment about being an 8-year-old adult reflects something that's so common in guys like yourself - the problem of stolen youth. It's one of the worst things that can happen to a teenager, in my opinion.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#161204 - 06/11/07 10:23 PM Re: Beating Kids (*****triggers*****) [Re: roadrunner]
Xavier91 Offline
Guest

Registered: 06/11/07
Posts: 84
Yeah I guess so Larry, it just isn't so easy.

_________________________
Rather laugh about what has been
Then fear what still comes, perhaps
Rather loving a big ghost
Then hating something that you canít see

You are gone, but closer then ever

Top
#161270 - 06/12/07 08:34 AM Re: Beating Kids (*****triggers*****) *DELETED* [Re: roadrunner]
krayoss Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/18/01
Posts: 112
Loc: west
Post deleted by krayoss


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#161290 - 06/12/07 09:55 AM Re: Beating Kids (*****triggers*****) [Re: krayoss]
Xavier91 Offline
Guest

Registered: 06/11/07
Posts: 84
Once one of my 'mothers' boyfriend used a bycicle chain on me.
I didn't know what was up and what was down anymore after that one.
But esp. knifes trigger me a lot. I've got many scars from that time, when i was 8, including a big one on my face, it got me in the hospital for 2 months and then a year of in and out of the hospital all the time... But at least then we got away from her. And we got adopted \:\)

Xavier

_________________________
Rather laugh about what has been
Then fear what still comes, perhaps
Rather loving a big ghost
Then hating something that you canít see

You are gone, but closer then ever

Top
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