Yeah.. wow. Heavy stuf.

My father would just hit me whit whatever was close enough... or just him hitting and kicking me and when I was younger throwing me against the wall...
There was nothing you could do about it... Nothing you could do to prevent it either, he didn't need a reason.. Just tried to protect my head.
Some memories i vividly remember esp... Like the one time when I was 6 he used a car jack... spent almost two months in the hospital that time.

So many times he hit me so hard I had to be taken to the hospital, getting hit was normal to me.
What I wonder now, why did nobody step in and get the police or youthcare or something involved back then? It must have been so obvious. Why only now, that I'm 17?
That's just wrong.

Stefan

Yup I have those memorys too.
Funny thing is the physical abuse bothers me way more than the SA. I'm not sure why. It just makes you so damn angry...

J

when you combine the two its a total mindfuck,sex becomes about pain ,love becomes about pain ,life becomes about pain.everything else just disappears till all that left is pain.ok he got really mad this time so i'll spend the next year in the hospital and the rest of my life trying to heal from it.how far is going too far?

As far as I'm concerned, hitting me just once was going too far.
A
nd the bastard still wants to get into it with me, to this day. I go over to see my mother and he starts. Only difference now is I'm not a defenseless kid anymore... now I can hit back.

Yes, this topic makes me very angry.

Jay

My dad used to use belts...particularly is huge weightlifting belt but ot me and maybe I am alone here....but the physical aubse was nothing compared to the psychological and mental abuse.

I have said this before to one of my ex's...hit my if you want (which I didnt let him because I knocked him out when he tried)...just dont demean me. The physical...I took it for years and I can take it but the mental abuse hurts far worse than any other abuse.

I'm sure you're not alone in feeling worse about the psychological abuse than the other things.

The mind games suck and it hurts bad to be screwed with psychologically. I don't really think any one kind of abuse is better or worse than the other. It just effects us differently, we all have various memories associated with different kinds of pain. Some was bad, some wasn't so bad.

Jay

I was beaten all too frequently. My father would go in to a psychotic rage that would scare the shit out of anyone..adults too. I'd get kicked.

Not just a normal kick...these were kicks to the rectum. I would feel my rectum defined as it resonated with pain. I use to think "God...with what the older boys do to me there, combined with dad...I'm gonna die."

He was SO scary that I kept my .22 rifle (loaded) under my bed or behind the door...ready to defend my life.

His psycho rages were so bad i was convinced that if I ever fell asleep, I would never wake up again. So I use to stand in the middle of my bedroom floor...away from any chair or the bed so as to not be tempted to sit or lie down and then fall asleep. I'd stand ALL NIGHT...one postition. I could not even shift my weight because if I did, the floor would creak and he'd hear it..and that would mean even MORE violence.

i think I must have seen about 150 sunrises that way....standing in the middle of my bedroom floor...facing east..looking for that sun.

Its a wonder I survived

That's the kind of thing nightmares are made of, it is a wonder that you survived. It's a wonder that any of us did. I think your dad and my dad should get together for a few beers. Let them get out of control angry and kill each other.

Jay

Last week, I woke up standing in the middle of my bedroom floor.

Robbie...I am so sorry...crying...