You know all is not lost & there is hope. You know & admit that the abuse DID happen. You know it was NOT your fault in any way. That's a lot to know and it's powerful knowledge to experience!
Remembering all this is not only what can take us survivors a long way on that "Recovery Road" we're hauling ass down (I like that, BTW--By The Way!). When things get rough, it may be all we have go keep us ON the road! But its still a whole lot!
Now this is a heck of an insight after just one therapy session!: You already realize your wife is also a victim in this, feeling some of the same sorts of things you felt as a victim, like the mistrust.
I hope you have the chance to share this with her. If so she certainly should be able to forgive you IMHO (In My Humble Opinion), tho of course that's her decision to make.
I mean, if you can forgive your perp!...After all, you haven't sexually abused her like your perp abused you.
Of course I don't know if you've told your wife yet since you just found out yourself. But if she's anything like my wife she's probably sensed things from you. She had in lots of ways been feeling the pain of my abuse all along.
And once I remembered my abuse & told my wife what I knew, she was able to help bring things to light I couldn't or wouldn't face on my own.
Of course you have to be able to tell her, and she has to be willing & able to listen & to deal with it. She ought to be able to see that you are no loser--you are a survivor! My thots & hopes are with you in this.
As you "haul ass down the road to recovery," there is no doubt there will be obstacles. Sometimes in this last year they've seemed more than I could get thru or around. But I've gotten thru them, even the worst of them I think & hope.
The only speed limits have been for my own safety, to deal with the road hazards, the re-construction of my life, the times I've just needed to slow down & take a break.
Good drivers on the same road with you? Sometimes good drivers, sometimes just drivers!
(I'm speaking for myself there!). I think there are a lot of good drivers here. I think you're on the right road with a good convoy, fellow male survivor brother. WTG (Way To Go)!
Well, as you can see, I love a good metaphor, and tend to get a little :rolleyes: carried away with them at times!
Just like the initials. And BTW, yes, SA = Sexual Abuse here. It threw me at 1st too. In the past I've been in some forums (of a different emphasis of course) where SA = Sex Addict/Addiction. (Yes I do have one. It seems to often go with the territory of having been sexually abused. But that's another story...).
Take Care Mark