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#160351 - 06/07/07 07:43 AM I'm back....
Jaysen Offline
Member

Registered: 06/14/06
Posts: 680
Hey guys, it's been a while...

I just got back into town last weekend. I spent the winter out in California working the Pismo shop.

Wasn't sure if I was coming back here or not but I don't mind the summers in New England so what the hell. My mother was at least happy to see me, the old man still won't speak to me... his loss. The roommate is still a dick, work and the band are still good.

I liked being out in Cali. A lot of pretty girls and one or two hot guys too. I gave up the booze/drugs for a long time but sort of fell off the wagon a month or so ago. I haven't been in therapy for a long time so I'm looking to see if my old doc. will take me back. Not much about me has changed really... happy that I didn't have to store my bike this past year. Pretty much still an emotional wreck but real good at hiding it!

It's nice to be back here... looks like a lot of changes and a lot of new people... a good thing and a bad thing.

Anyway, I just wanted to say hello and I hope you're all doing well or at least working on getting well.

Jay


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#160354 - 06/07/07 07:51 AM Re: I'm back.... [Re: Jaysen]
buzz_key Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/31/07
Posts: 635
Loc: USA
Hi Jay. I am new, but...

Welcome Back!


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#160355 - 06/07/07 07:55 AM Re: I'm back.... [Re: buzz_key]
Jaysen Offline
Member

Registered: 06/14/06
Posts: 680
Hi Buzz - thanks and welcome!

J


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#160361 - 06/07/07 08:13 AM Re: I'm back.... [Re: Jaysen]
Trevor Offline
Member

Registered: 06/05/06
Posts: 778
Loc: Rhode Island
hi j
wb \:\)

_________________________
My lamb and martyr, this will be over soon. You look so precious.

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#160364 - 06/07/07 08:17 AM Re: I'm back.... [Re: Trevor]
Jaysen Offline
Member

Registered: 06/14/06
Posts: 680
Thanks Trev, glad to see you.

J


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#160381 - 06/07/07 09:36 AM Re: I'm back.... [Re: Jaysen]
FormerTexan Offline
Site Administrator
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 09/12/04
Posts: 11176
Loc: Denver, CO
Hi Jaysen.

I've seen you around before, but I don't think we've talked yet.

Welcome back.

_________________________
List of things ain't nobody got time for:

1. That


If I could meet myself as a boy...

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#160382 - 06/07/07 09:45 AM Re: I'm back.... [Re: FormerTexan]
Paul1959 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/17/06
Posts: 525
Loc: NYC
Jaysen,
I was just looking at a pm from you the other day as I was cleaning out my box. Good to see you. wondered what happened. Glad you're back.
Paul


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#160383 - 06/07/07 09:50 AM Re: I'm back.... [Re: FormerTexan]
Jaysen Offline
Member

Registered: 06/14/06
Posts: 680
Hi FT, yeah I've seen you around too but we haven't had the opportunity to talk yet.

Looking forward to it!

Jay


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#160384 - 06/07/07 09:52 AM Re: I'm back.... [Re: Paul1959]
Jaysen Offline
Member

Registered: 06/14/06
Posts: 680
Hey Paul, great to see you!

Nothing happened to me as you can see. Just spent the winter with a lot of sun, girls and beer! Put a ton of miles on my bike which is unfortunate... you know if you want to own a Harley you better know how to fix a Harley right? lol

How you doing these days?

Jay


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#160421 - 06/07/07 01:29 PM Re: I'm back.... [Re: Jaysen]
Still Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 6602
Loc: FEMA Region 1
HEY Jay!

I'm new. From NH...so I bet you ride that Harley in my no-helmut turf!

Welcom back to Boston (if that's where you are). They kicked me out of Mass a long time ago.

Robbie

_________________________
I'm "that guy."

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#160425 - 06/07/07 01:36 PM Re: I'm back.... [Re: Still]
Jaysen Offline
Member

Registered: 06/14/06
Posts: 680
Hey Robbie!

Listen... I like my brains right where they are. With my luck my head would hit the pavement and I'd suffer some kind of brain damage... I don't want to end up with some ugly ass nurse changing my diapers ya know what I'm saying?

I head up to Laconia a lot.

Thanks man it's good to be back.
Why'd they kick you out of MA?

Jay


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#160440 - 06/07/07 03:26 PM Re: I'm back.... [Re: Jaysen]
Still Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 6602
Loc: FEMA Region 1
I made them uncomfortable.

_________________________
I'm "that guy."

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#160444 - 06/07/07 03:30 PM Re: I'm back.... [Re: Still]
Jaysen Offline
Member

Registered: 06/14/06
Posts: 680
Yeah I make them uncomfortable too... maybe that's why they look at me funny when I'm roaring down the street on my extra loud fatboy lol

J


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#160452 - 06/07/07 04:22 PM Re: I'm back.... [Re: Still]
Chain Breaker Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/21/07
Posts: 376
Loc: Michigan
Hi Jay,

I'm new since you left, too, but welcome back! I look forward to getting to know you.

Cheers,
A guy who wishes he had a Harley.

_________________________
My name is Joe. I am a survivor and a good man. You can count on me.

CB

"[Insert your name here], I am [Chain Breaker]. Do you see that I am your friend? Can you see that you will always be my friend?"
--Wind In His Hair, Dances With Wolves

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#160454 - 06/07/07 04:24 PM Re: I'm back.... [Re: Chain Breaker]
Jaysen Offline
Member

Registered: 06/14/06
Posts: 680
Hey CB, thanks... nice to meet you.
Stop wishing go fishing...

J


Top
#160467 - 06/07/07 05:26 PM Re: I'm back.... [Re: Jaysen]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Jay,

Hey welcome back. Looks like you left right about the time my asthma was getting really bad. Sorry I didn't answer your PMs, bro. I didn't see them until I came back this spring.

I was wondering how you were doing and I'm glad to see you in good spirits. Don't tear yourself up about falling off the wagon. I did that so many times it felt like the wagon ought to have a "Larry basket" off the back end - would have saved me a lot of trouble lol.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#160468 - 06/07/07 05:28 PM Re: I'm back.... [Re: roadrunner]
Jaysen Offline
Member

Registered: 06/14/06
Posts: 680
Thanks Larry,
Hey if there were a Jay basket at the back end of my wagon it wouldn't be as much fun falling off. I mean the fall is the good part right? Once you hit the ground it's all over... I'm just hoping I land on a level surface this time... don't really want to go rolling down that hill again if you know what I mean.
And I do believe you know what I mean!

Jay


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#160473 - 06/07/07 05:41 PM Re: I'm back.... [Re: Jaysen]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Jay,

Originally Posted By: Jaysen
Hey if there were a Jay basket at the back end of my wagon it wouldn't be as much fun falling off. I mean the fall is the good part right? Once you hit the ground it's all over...


That's cool you can have a sense of humor about it. That helped me too. I used to fall off again - usually in a spectacular way - and tell myself, well, at least I'm in a familiar place. \:D I think that helped to avoid getting down on myself before I climbed back on again.

I can tell you that after 32 years clean the drugs still call out to me - every day, especially if I'm feeling stressed or down. I still try to be careful, REAL careful, but man, I would never go back.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

Top
#160490 - 06/07/07 07:00 PM Re: I'm back.... [Re: Still]
EGL Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 06/19/04
Posts: 7821
Welcome back to MS, Jaysen. Glad to see you back.

_________________________
Eddie

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#160491 - 06/07/07 07:14 PM Re: I'm back.... [Re: Jaysen]
Still Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 6602
Loc: FEMA Region 1
Originally Posted By: Jaysen
Yeah I make them uncomfortable too... maybe that's why they look at me funny when I'm roaring down the street on my extra loud fatboy lol


How bout Revere beach?

_________________________
I'm "that guy."

Top
#160600 - 06/08/07 08:12 AM Re: I'm back.... [Re: Still]
Jaysen Offline
Member

Registered: 06/14/06
Posts: 680
LOL - Only time I go to Revere Beach is when I want a Kelly's roast beef sandwich and that's usually at around 2 in the morning ya know?

J


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#160606 - 06/08/07 08:24 AM Re: I'm back.... [Re: Jaysen]
Trevor Offline
Member

Registered: 06/05/06
Posts: 778
Loc: Rhode Island
i cant beleve u eat that shit

\:\)

_________________________
My lamb and martyr, this will be over soon. You look so precious.

Top
#160608 - 06/08/07 08:33 AM Re: I'm back.... [Re: Trevor]
Jaysen Offline
Member

Registered: 06/14/06
Posts: 680
I can't believe you don't! \:\)

J


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#160851 - 06/09/07 11:52 AM Re: I'm back.... [Re: Jaysen]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
I think you should both stuff it. I mean, really, FFS...Rhode Island and Boston? What do you know about food up there? I don't know ANYONE in New England who can make a decent groundhog pie...

L.

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

Top
#161088 - 06/11/07 09:39 AM Re: I'm back.... [Re: roadrunner]
Jaysen Offline
Member

Registered: 06/14/06
Posts: 680
It's all about the Italian food in the North End Larry.
And the Burrito cart on Washington Street.

Jay


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#161109 - 06/11/07 12:02 PM Re: I'm back.... *DELETED* [Re: Still]
krayoss Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/18/01
Posts: 112
Loc: west
Post deleted by krayoss


Top
#161121 - 06/11/07 01:39 PM Re: I'm back.... [Re: krayoss]
Jaysen Offline
Member

Registered: 06/14/06
Posts: 680
Thanks Kray - my biggest problem is when I do fall off it's not like I drink and drug then sober up the next day, it's more like a 5 or 6 day binge ya know?

String them all together... I like that!

Jay


Top
#161153 - 06/11/07 04:44 PM Re: I'm back.... [Re: Jaysen]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Jay,

Originally Posted By: Jaysen
It's all about the Italian food in the North End Larry.
And the Burrito cart on Washington Street.


Yep, in all seriousness I do remember some great Italian food in Boston! Amazing stuff.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

Top
#161154 - 06/11/07 04:46 PM Re: I'm back.... [Re: roadrunner]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Jay,

Perhaps the key here is to think what the binge gives you that you might be able to provide to yourself in safer ways. Any thoughts on this one?

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

Top
#161246 - 06/12/07 07:26 AM Re: I'm back.... [Re: roadrunner]
Jaysen Offline
Member

Registered: 06/14/06
Posts: 680
Well the key is that when I do drink I'm fully aware of what the end result is going to be. I go into it willingly and knowing that once I'm smashed nothing much matters anymore. It's dangerous and stupid but sometimes I just don't give a fuck. I could think of a million safer ways Larry but none of them are going to get me to where I want to be.

Jay


Top
#161282 - 06/12/07 09:12 AM Re: I'm back.... [Re: Jaysen]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Jay,

Originally Posted By: Jaysen
I could think of a million safer ways Larry but none of them are going to get me to where I want to be.


Do you really know where you want to be? Where do you think that is? And why do you want to be there?

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

Top
#161284 - 06/12/07 09:30 AM Re: I'm back.... [Re: roadrunner]
Jaysen Offline
Member

Registered: 06/14/06
Posts: 680
Yeah, drunk Jay wants to be treated like shit and hurt physically because it's familiar and comfortable and actually makes me feel safe. Why do I want to be there? Well because at the end of the day that's just how it's always been. I already know how to play that game and I'm good at it. It makes me feel like I'm useful and valuable and I can take it, the pain and some guys love that and when drunk Jay walks into a room everyone knows it's going to be a fucking great party. Everyone likes him, everyone wants a piece.

Sober Jay hates drunk Jay. It's all bullshit and it's wrong and I don't need to pursue that kind of thing because I'm worth a lot more then that. Sober Jay wouldn't mind finding a nice girl \:\) he knows they're out there somewhere.... Sober Jay doesn't want to treat women like shit, he wants to have a family someday and a lot of other nice things too...

J


Top
#161309 - 06/12/07 11:21 AM Re: I'm back.... [Re: Jaysen]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Jay,

If you look at what you've said I'm sure you can see a big difference between the two. Drunk Jay isn't really esteemed or respected, is he? He's a laugh to have around at a party because everyone's getting wasted anyway, but who else would want to live like that or be him? Yep, everybody wants a piece, but what's in it for Jay? Nothing. Does Jay as a person count as something valuable in these equations? Nope.

Sober Jay looks at this and I wonder if he really hates drunk Jay. Maybe he hates what drunk Jay chooses to miss in life. Maybe sober Jay just wants what we ALL want from life: to be loved, to be special, to see some purpose in what we do, to make sense of things, to trust a special someone, to have that trust returned to us.

Drunk Jay needs to know he isn't shameful or guilty or deserving of hate or ridicule. He needs to know he can turn things around, but that no one can do it for him. Drunk Larry can assure him of that one 100%.

Much love for both Jays,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

Top
#161341 - 06/12/07 01:41 PM Re: I'm back.... [Re: roadrunner]
Jaysen Offline
Member

Registered: 06/14/06
Posts: 680
Maybe drunk Jay and drunk Larry can get together and discuss it over a few beers...

J


Top
#161344 - 06/12/07 02:17 PM Re: I'm back.... [Re: Jaysen]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Or even better: Sober Jaysen and Sober Larry can discuss it! \:\) I imagine they might make better sense of things, though yes, Drunk Jaysen and Drunk Larry would have been a sight to behold.

Much love,
Sober Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

Top
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