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#160166 - 06/06/07 07:59 AM just for the record
indygal Offline
Member

Registered: 06/22/06
Posts: 439
i'm reading yet another book - ghosts in the bedroom this time - yeah it's excellent yada yada yada -

he mentions something early on about how it's good for partners to know they aren't alone and there are so many other partners (of survivors) out there just like them...wtf???

well for the record i just want to say i am not that comforted by knowing you all and i are all in the same boat. quite frankly i think it sucks big time i hate the fact i'm on this website so much, i hate the fact he was abused and i hate the fact even more that the kind, courageous and wonderful folks on this website are also either survivors or fnf of them, and even, horribly, both!! \:\(

and that at this very moment even the same situation still exists, that is, children are still being hurt....

no, i DON'T and WON'T take comfort in not being alone...i hate it and hate the reason for it all!! i hate that my bf and i are in such a dsyfunctional state because of his trauma

this is not meant to be any disrespect to anyone here i just needed to get this off my chest...

sorry...
indy

_________________________
my avatar is one of the Battle Angel characters, fighting the good fight.

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#160192 - 06/06/07 09:11 AM Re: just for the record [Re: indygal]
EGL Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 06/19/04
Posts: 7821
I can understand that, Indygal. It's like the club that no one wants to be a member of. If there's any solace from being in that club it's knowing that others understand the difficulties with it, rather than them being so ignorant of why "he just can't get over it". I appreciate you and your presence here at MS.

_________________________
Eddie

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#160218 - 06/06/07 10:32 AM Re: just for the record [Re: EGL]
shadowkid Offline
WARNING from ModTeam, September 2013: user "Shadowkid" was exposed as a hoaxer. His entire online persona and stories of sexual abuse were fiction. We encourage you not to become emotionally concerned by anything you see in any of his posts. Thank you
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/18/05
Posts: 2437
its an exclusive club for sure and the dues are a son of a bitch to pay. on the surface its kinda like a club where everybody is hurt and broken ,but think about it ,we get to belong not because we all got hurt ,but because we all chose not to give up ,is this place really just about abuse?or is more about surviving with some kind of sanity? people see m.s. and think poor people,such terrible things happened and some days i feel like that ,but most days i see people who are so different from the NORMALS,stronger more compassionate,loyal ,loving ,giving .i think our culb is two things ,one of them is bad, our stories, but the other is good our struggles to be better than our perps have made us better than even the normals we so wanna be like.when i came here at first i saw only pain and hurt cause all i knew was pain and hurt,but now i see the good thats here so much more than the pain,im glad to be in this club and im really glad that everybody else is here cause ms is not about just bad stuff in fact i dont think its about bad stuff at all. maybe the show is kinda worth the price of admission. i can find only one good thing that came from my abuse or from my life for that matter,i earned my way in here. ms is the beginning ,not the end for me. shadow

_________________________
its not hard to fall
when you float like a cannonball - damien rice

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#160219 - 06/06/07 10:36 AM Re: just for the record [Re: shadowkid]
shadowkid Offline
WARNING from ModTeam, September 2013: user "Shadowkid" was exposed as a hoaxer. His entire online persona and stories of sexual abuse were fiction. We encourage you not to become emotionally concerned by anything you see in any of his posts. Thank you
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/18/05
Posts: 2437
maybe thats why its called male survivors insted of male victims?

_________________________
its not hard to fall
when you float like a cannonball - damien rice

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#160220 - 06/06/07 10:41 AM Re: just for the record [Re: shadowkid]
pain4ever Offline


Registered: 04/05/01
Posts: 1032
Indy,

its good to vent and I am glad you could but it was a huge releif for me to know I wasnt alone. It entirely and utterly sick that I am not alone but hey the world is a sick place.

Like SK said its expensive and our dues are earned with blood it seems sometimes but I would not trade this place for the world...the support is immense.

Just my two cents
Brian

P.S. by the way I too share your disgust if you didnt notice.

_________________________
Peace and Tranquility all depends on your frame of reference.

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#160250 - 06/06/07 02:12 PM Re: just for the record [Re: pain4ever]
indygal Offline
Member

Registered: 06/22/06
Posts: 439
maybe i am experiencing even more growing pains -

yet while i feel like a different person, having grown and learned so much this past year (thanks to many of the survivors on this site and of course fnf) sometimes i just think about how it was before i knew, and even tho i DON'T want to go back there, well, ignorance can be bliss sometimes...

i think it's time for someone to figure out how to share a cyber-beer ? or cup of herbal tea for those who don't indulge sigh...

thanks guys i needed that
indy

_________________________
my avatar is one of the Battle Angel characters, fighting the good fight.

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#160252 - 06/06/07 02:16 PM Re: just for the record [Re: indygal]
pain4ever Offline


Registered: 04/05/01
Posts: 1032
Glad you feel a little better....

Maybe you are experiencing a bout of what we do...the rollercoaster? The ups and down of recovery? The wish we could just forget everything or ignore it.

You need to vent though...you have every right to be frustrated and angry. We are all hear to listen!

Brian

_________________________
Peace and Tranquility all depends on your frame of reference.

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#160263 - 06/06/07 03:09 PM Re: just for the record [Re: pain4ever]
healingpartner Offline
Guest

Registered: 04/04/07
Posts: 407
Shadow once again put it perfectly.

True trials bring out the best in people...I have seen and met more high quality people who I am proud to know than any other single place.

And this is a place to heal...I wish it didn't need to exist, but oh so thankful that it does. It gives hope.


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#160741 - 06/08/07 07:47 PM Re: just for the record [Re: healingpartner]
SAR Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/07/03
Posts: 3310
Loc: USA
Indy,

My partner said almost exactly what you said in your original post when I first suggested to him that it might be helpful for him to look at this site and see that he was not alone.

"Oh you mean lots of people were abused and I am nothing special?"

\:D


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#160748 - 06/08/07 08:21 PM Re: just for the record [Re: SAR]
indygal Offline
Member

Registered: 06/22/06
Posts: 439
that's just it Sar - and what gets me sometimes - so MANY people are survivors of csa, it can be quite distressing/overwhelming sometimes

i was talking once w/my ob/gyn about animal abuse and she said something about did i think it would ever stop and i'm like, hey, we as a society can't even stop child abuse - how are we ever going to stop animal abuse?

she just frowned and didn't say anything; that sort of ended the conversation.

i didn't mean to be negative w/my post, i've just learned over time one is rarely EVER alone that usually something one experiences happens to more than one person, period.

i do respect the survivors here, however, who have felt comfort in knowing THEY are not alone and are able to heal with this knowledge as part of their journey.

all the best,
indy

_________________________
my avatar is one of the Battle Angel characters, fighting the good fight.

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#160784 - 06/08/07 10:35 PM Re: Caution Cussing! [Re: indygal]
Smilensammy Offline
New Here

Registered: 05/17/07
Posts: 8
Loc: Iowa
Thank you for putting out the words I too have vented to my so many friends. The anger is sooooo Huge! and the shitty part is one has to be careful of "who" they get to share with.... thats why this site is so important to me as a survivor and a partner!
God I get soooo fucking mad! I get the fall out of what that fucking asshole did to him!
Even tho I know no marriage is perfect when he takes me to this "new found family" his co workers and I see them raising their kids... I get so fucking mad at the perfection! The big houses, the harleys & 3 Big cars & so fucking happy with great I mean GREAT parents supporting them.... I know its jealousy, tho even his boss told him she was sexually abused as a child... I got to thinking and I can only count 2 female friends that have Not been sexually abused as little girls..... what the fuck is with that?
Well gotta go.... more later!
Hugs for a Great group!
Sammy

_________________________
I used to be "Wifey1" , I'm back again and am grateful for yet another day.

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#160822 - 06/09/07 06:51 AM Re: Caution Cussing! [Re: Smilensammy]
sweet-n-sour Offline
Member

Registered: 10/03/06
Posts: 409
Loc: chicago
Dear Sammy:

It's very positive you're letting the anger out! None of what you face is easy and I understand how you must feel about what everyone appears to have around you. When a person is emotionally kicked it is hard not to be angry at those that seem to have more. Please keep in mind that even though some appear to have advantages, it may just be an illusion. I believe most are just better at putting on a brave mask and pretending.


S-n-S

_________________________
"As long as he continues to try, I will meet him in that determination and commitment."

cm 2007

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#160825 - 06/09/07 07:10 AM Re: Caution Cussing! [Re: sweet-n-sour]
sweet-n-sour Offline
Member

Registered: 10/03/06
Posts: 409
Loc: chicago
Dear Indy:

How the perp's have harmed the little boys within the men we love and how this has effected them, our children and our world today is senseless.
What is very difficult for me to cope with is that we must come face to face with my husband's brother-abuser at different times and he seems to have it all. A new wife, his own successful business, the family standing behind him even after my husband disclosed the truth.
I am very grateful to have a place to vent these feelings and I know it'll be understood. I'm regretful that we all must meet under such circumstance but the support here has truly made a difference.

S-n-S

_________________________
"As long as he continues to try, I will meet him in that determination and commitment."

cm 2007

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#160846 - 06/09/07 11:23 AM Re: Caution Cussing! [Re: sweet-n-sour]
indygal Offline
Member

Registered: 06/22/06
Posts: 439
sns -

i hope i didn't offend you or anyone else i didn't mean to; i am also very grateful for all the support i've received here

i just wish it wasn't necessary, that's all

thanks for your comment

indy

_________________________
my avatar is one of the Battle Angel characters, fighting the good fight.

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#160847 - 06/09/07 11:27 AM Re: Caution Cussing! [Re: sweet-n-sour]
Smilensammy Offline
New Here

Registered: 05/17/07
Posts: 8
Loc: Iowa
Gang,
I agree most folks are good at putting on a brave face.. after all I know for my own self and hell even my own hubby we do this. I also know that much of frustration at seeing "whole families" comes from my own childhood issues & my situation now with my hubby... plain old jealousy.. and I know those families have their own dysfunctions in many ways also.
Sometimes I wonder tho if I carry around some sort of a red flag that other women pick up & can see that they can trust me with their secrets?? I don't know what character I posses that they can pick up or sense that they feel they can tell me their past secret? I certainly dont make this the topic of my discussions, nor share mine unless one shares with me.
S n S -- I too have gotten so freaken angry about how Hubby had to quit one job because the bastard that raped him showed up employed on his job. Hubby came home & ASKED me if he could quit this job.. OF COURSE I supported him to quit & he was re employed in less than a day.
The awful shitty part tho that added to that carrer is the fact that this fuck would show up at the schooling he would be taking to get his PHD with FORD Co. So Hubby had to sit thru classes with the bastard right across the table from him.
I was supportive of Hubby going back to school to get his degree in electronics & now is no longer in a field of work where he would run into the asshole.
I cant count how many times the 2 of us would sit and just talk about ways to do harm to our abusers ... It was just fantasy talk, but he would never tell me where the asshole lived mostly I think because he could not trust me, and truthfully I am not sure even today with the problems we are having that I wouldn't just SNAP & kill the asshole for ALL the problems he has caused us.
WE both have agreed tho IF we ever acted out anything it would only go to prove for the pedophile bastards to "win" yet again. So the best way to get back at those that abused us is to live the best way we can... even if we are struggling right now, I still harbor the feelings of anger & hate about how much this one particular person could intervene and fuck up a perfectly beautiful and innocent child.
Trying to remain an Adult when one is onslaughted by having to see these shits is probably the most difficult. As to my adoptive parents ... We shared information with our daughters age appropriate as they grew up, I even had to take them to court to get them to leave us alone... but my adoptive mother just kept sending cards & shit like that. My attorney could not get us into court to fight it out there, sadly I found a loop hole in our laws... now I AM NOT RECOMENDING ANYONE DO THIS!
We were so frightened that my adoptive parents may try to take them from school one day with some BS story... so I broke into their house & took some BS small stuff & of course they reported it to the cops... but what they didnt realize is that the law stated THEY could not make contact with ME after that. I told the cops WHY I did what I did, returned the shit I took and said I was sorry to the Judge, paid restitution & did community work (which I have always done so that was a piece of cake) -- and had nothing to do with them for about 6 yrs.
Now the relationship with them is strained, but we set a 2 hour rule, unless I decide or Hubby decides they are being too much of assholes for us , they we come up with a sudden case of not feeling go and have to leave.
My T helped me to figure out WHY they wouldnt come to our house... even drive one block right past it ... It was fine as long as we were on HER territory, she felt safe as if I wouldnt still have the guts to take the opportunity to talk and call out the truth no matter WHERE we were. But she didnt feel safe being on OUR territory... Hey, I dont miss them if they dont show & have an older friend who is a GREAT surrogate mother to me now anyway.
Took a lot of soul searching and one hell of a strong supportive Spouse (yes he has great qualities too, they are just hidden or changed out some how now) -- but my T helped me thru the point of accepting to the best as I can right now.
Our son in law & daughters were told as they grew age appropriate to let them know who was safe & who was not. My son in Law said he would Kill the fuckers if he could get away with it also... and I know that little tiny tyke will never get a hand laid on him.
What is shitty is the fact that even Hubbys father cannot be trusted as he too molested his step daughters... WE often wonder IF his own daughters had grown up in his household IF he would have molested them....
Tho Hubby was abandoned by being tossed into a private school several states away from him, growing up he hated not being able to be with & see his father at will (we found court papers of his dad trying to access the H & his sis's several times) He now feels that it was the best thing in the world for him. On a couple of levels. 1) he moved away from his abuser who was a teen that lived a couple doors away 2) He & Sis's were probably saved from being abused by a step Gparent & possibly his own dad.
I have run into the new wife of one of my abusers who would abuse my adoptive sister & I together @ the same time.... she went pale as she saw us as 30 yr old women holding hands & skipping down the street together in tiny town we grew up in. It was a sweet day, but sadly our relationship as young teens & adults is not what it could have been ...
I did have the opportunity to confront THAT asshole after SHE had married him.... he thot I wanted $.... HAHAHAHAHAHA, nope just in that place that only the Great Creator has for people who intentionally Sexually Abuse others.
Damn! Sorry for the long rant....
The scarey thing about being in the Survivor & Partner of Survivor club is seeing exactly HOW BIG the world is full of Perps...
I get so incensed over this "war" , & the supposed "war on drugs" -- when the REAL war should be on the fucking Perps!!

May We all find Peace,
Sammy




Edited by Smilensammy (06/09/07 11:33 AM)

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