I agree most folks are good at putting on a brave face.. after all I know for my own self and hell even my own hubby we do this. I also know that much of frustration at seeing "whole families" comes from my own childhood issues & my situation now with my hubby... plain old jealousy.. and I know those families have their own dysfunctions in many ways also.
Sometimes I wonder tho if I carry around some sort of a red flag that other women pick up & can see that they can trust me with their secrets?? I don't know what character I posses that they can pick up or sense that they feel they can tell me their past secret? I certainly dont make this the topic of my discussions, nor share mine unless one shares with me.
S n S -- I too have gotten so freaken angry about how Hubby had to quit one job because the bastard that raped him showed up employed on his job. Hubby came home & ASKED me if he could quit this job.. OF COURSE I supported him to quit & he was re employed in less than a day.
The awful shitty part tho that added to that carrer is the fact that this fuck would show up at the schooling he would be taking to get his PHD with FORD Co. So Hubby had to sit thru classes with the bastard right across the table from him.
I was supportive of Hubby going back to school to get his degree in electronics & now is no longer in a field of work where he would run into the asshole.
I cant count how many times the 2 of us would sit and just talk about ways to do harm to our abusers ... It was just fantasy talk, but he would never tell me where the asshole lived mostly I think because he could not trust me, and truthfully I am not sure even today with the problems we are having that I wouldn't just SNAP & kill the asshole for ALL the problems he has caused us.
WE both have agreed tho IF we ever acted out anything it would only go to prove for the pedophile bastards to "win" yet again. So the best way to get back at those that abused us is to live the best way we can... even if we are struggling right now, I still harbor the feelings of anger & hate about how much this one particular person could intervene and fuck up a perfectly beautiful and innocent child.
Trying to remain an Adult when one is onslaughted by having to see these shits is probably the most difficult. As to my adoptive parents ... We shared information with our daughters age appropriate as they grew up, I even had to take them to court to get them to leave us alone... but my adoptive mother just kept sending cards & shit like that. My attorney could not get us into court to fight it out there, sadly I found a loop hole in our laws... now I AM NOT RECOMENDING ANYONE DO THIS!
We were so frightened that my adoptive parents may try to take them from school one day with some BS story... so I broke into their house & took some BS small stuff & of course they reported it to the cops... but what they didnt realize is that the law stated THEY could not make contact with ME after that. I told the cops WHY I did what I did, returned the shit I took and said I was sorry to the Judge, paid restitution & did community work (which I have always done so that was a piece of cake) -- and had nothing to do with them for about 6 yrs.
Now the relationship with them is strained, but we set a 2 hour rule, unless I decide or Hubby decides they are being too much of assholes for us , they we come up with a sudden case of not feeling go and have to leave.
My T helped me to figure out WHY they wouldnt come to our house... even drive one block right past it ... It was fine as long as we were on HER territory, she felt safe as if I wouldnt still have the guts to take the opportunity to talk and call out the truth no matter WHERE we were. But she didnt feel safe being on OUR territory... Hey, I dont miss them if they dont show & have an older friend who is a GREAT surrogate mother to me now anyway.
Took a lot of soul searching and one hell of a strong supportive Spouse (yes he has great qualities too, they are just hidden or changed out some how now) -- but my T helped me thru the point of accepting to the best as I can right now.
Our son in law & daughters were told as they grew age appropriate to let them know who was safe & who was not. My son in Law said he would Kill the fuckers if he could get away with it also... and I know that little tiny tyke will never get a hand laid on him.
What is shitty is the fact that even Hubbys father cannot be trusted as he too molested his step daughters... WE often wonder IF his own daughters had grown up in his household IF he would have molested them....
Tho Hubby was abandoned by being tossed into a private school several states away from him, growing up he hated not being able to be with & see his father at will (we found court papers of his dad trying to access the H & his sis's several times) He now feels that it was the best thing in the world for him. On a couple of levels. 1) he moved away from his abuser who was a teen that lived a couple doors away 2) He & Sis's were probably saved from being abused by a step Gparent & possibly his own dad.
I have run into the new wife of one of my abusers who would abuse my adoptive sister & I together @ the same time.... she went pale as she saw us as 30 yr old women holding hands & skipping down the street together in tiny town we grew up in. It was a sweet day, but sadly our relationship as young teens & adults is not what it could have been ...
I did have the opportunity to confront THAT asshole after SHE had married him.... he thot I wanted $.... HAHAHAHAHAHA, nope just in that place that only the Great Creator has for people who intentionally Sexually Abuse others.
Damn! Sorry for the long rant....
The scarey thing about being in the Survivor & Partner of Survivor club is seeing exactly HOW BIG the world is full of Perps...
I get so incensed over this "war" , & the supposed "war on drugs" -- when the REAL war should be on the fucking Perps!!
May We all find Peace,
Edited by Smilensammy (06/09/07 11:33 AM)