i'm reading yet another book - ghosts in the bedroom this time - yeah it's excellent yada yada yada -

he mentions something early on about how it's good for partners to know they aren't alone and there are so many other partners (of survivors) out there just like them...wtf???

well for the record i just want to say i am not that comforted by knowing you all and i are all in the same boat. quite frankly i think it sucks big time i hate the fact i'm on this website so much, i hate the fact he was abused and i hate the fact even more that the kind, courageous and wonderful folks on this website are also either survivors or fnf of them, and even, horribly, both!!

and that at this very moment even the same situation still exists, that is, children are still being hurt....

no, i DON'T and WON'T take comfort in not being alone...i hate it and hate the reason for it all!! i hate that my bf and i are in such a dsyfunctional state because of his trauma

this is not meant to be any disrespect to anyone here i just needed to get this off my chest...

sorry...
indy

I can understand that, Indygal. It's like the club that no one wants to be a member of. If there's any solace from being in that club it's knowing that others understand the difficulties with it, rather than them being so ignorant of why "he just can't get over it". I appreciate you and your presence here at MS.

its an exclusive club for sure and the dues are a son of a bitch to pay. on the surface its kinda like a club where everybody is hurt and broken ,but think about it ,we get to belong not because we all got hurt ,but because we all chose not to give up ,is this place really just about abuse?or is more about surviving with some kind of sanity? people see m.s. and think poor people,such terrible things happened and some days i feel like that ,but most days i see people who are so different from the NORMALS,stronger more compassionate,loyal ,loving ,giving .i think our culb is two things ,one of them is bad, our stories, but the other is good our struggles to be better than our perps have made us better than even the normals we so wanna be like.when i came here at first i saw only pain and hurt cause all i knew was pain and hurt,but now i see the good thats here so much more than the pain,im glad to be in this club and im really glad that everybody else is here cause ms is not about just bad stuff in fact i dont think its about bad stuff at all. maybe the show is kinda worth the price of admission. i can find only one good thing that came from my abuse or from my life for that matter,i earned my way in here. ms is the beginning ,not the end for me. shadow

maybe thats why its called male survivors insted of male victims?

Indy,

its good to vent and I am glad you could but it was a huge releif for me to know I wasnt alone. It entirely and utterly sick that I am not alone but hey the world is a sick place.

Like SK said its expensive and our dues are earned with blood it seems sometimes but I would not trade this place for the world...the support is immense.

Just my two cents
Brian

P.S. by the way I too share your disgust if you didnt notice.

maybe i am experiencing even more growing pains -

yet while i feel like a different person, having grown and learned so much this past year (thanks to many of the survivors on this site and of course fnf) sometimes i just think about how it was before i knew, and even tho i DON'T want to go back there, well, ignorance can be bliss sometimes...

i think it's time for someone to figure out how to share a cyber-beer ? or cup of herbal tea for those who don't indulge sigh...

thanks guys i needed that
indy

Glad you feel a little better....

Maybe you are experiencing a bout of what we do...the rollercoaster? The ups and down of recovery? The wish we could just forget everything or ignore it.

You need to vent though...you have every right to be frustrated and angry. We are all hear to listen!

Brian

Shadow once again put it perfectly.

True trials bring out the best in people...I have seen and met more high quality people who I am proud to know than any other single place.

And this is a place to heal...I wish it didn't need to exist, but oh so thankful that it does. It gives hope.

Indy,

My partner said almost exactly what you said in your original post when I first suggested to him that it might be helpful for him to look at this site and see that he was not alone.

"Oh you mean lots of people were abused and I am nothing special?"

that's just it Sar - and what gets me sometimes - so MANY people are survivors of csa, it can be quite distressing/overwhelming sometimes

i was talking once w/my ob/gyn about animal abuse and she said something about did i think it would ever stop and i'm like, hey, we as a society can't even stop child abuse - how are we ever going to stop animal abuse?

she just frowned and didn't say anything; that sort of ended the conversation.

i didn't mean to be negative w/my post, i've just learned over time one is rarely EVER alone that usually something one experiences happens to more than one person, period.

i do respect the survivors here, however, who have felt comfort in knowing THEY are not alone and are able to heal with this knowledge as part of their journey.

all the best,
indy