I just realised something strange this morning. I never really look at myself in a mirror. Its not an image thing...I really could care less about impressing other people, but I just done look in mirrors. I shave my head in the shower, I shave my face in the shower....I dont have hair to do but its like I am intentionally avoiding looking myself in the mirror. You know its weird....Like I am afraid of what I will see.

me too dude for sure!if im at the sink i make it point not to look up at the mirror .

I dont know why....Its just like not wanting kids to look me in the eye...maybe...i odnt know.

Same here. I shave my head and face at the mirror, but I NEVER look myself in the eyes in the mirror, never have.

I know why I don't though....I don't like myself, never have.
Don't like the way I look, act, feel, none of it.

Hopefully that will change someday.

I remember that feeling so well, and thankfully guys, it passes. Once we realize how totally innocent we were it's not so painful to look into the mirror and see the guy who suffered through all that.

Even when I blow it big-time and treat myself to a WoFR, I can still look into the mirror and say, hey, that wasn't so smart was it?, and just keep going. We do learn to claim our innocence and our human imperfection all in one go. After all, that's the way real life is, not just for us, but for everyone.

Much love,
Larry

Guys,
I can relate so much to this, I didn't look in the mirror at myself for a long time and Larry's right, it does pass. I'm also just starting to get over looking at pictures of me.

Jason

Glad that you have wrote a few words about you and mirrors. Love it when you make yourself visible by just writing!!!!!! We know your there and the good thing is, according to our other brothers, what your experiencing will pass and at some point, you will be able to look at yourself with love and acceptance. Thanks for risking.

Barney

I won't look at my body in the mirror. I sometimes glance at my reflection. I am not afraid to look others in the eyes though. The eyes reveal what is going on in the inward person. What do others see when they look in my eyes?

i look now and then...at myself in the mirror...but i think to myself...who is that person...then i think...that is what everyone else sees when i go out in the world....who is that???? its like the thoughts...in my mind dont go with my look.............still a child in many ways in the mind....and the look of a old man

Wow.

This is a very interesting and revealing post. For me it hasn't been so much looking in the mirror, although I don't do it much.

It has been more, not looking at others in the eye when I talk to them, especially one on one. I think this was especially bad when I was a teen. Then is got better after I got married. (some one cared about me). I think I was ok in work situations, but stil not socially.

Only recently have I begun to look at people in the eye more often when they are talking to the "real" me (not the worker bee).

It wierd its not out of self image...I guess I dont want to see a flash of little Brian. To be honest everytime I get in touch with him it hurts alot....

Its like the Evanescence song I posted about...these lines..

I've been looking in the mirror for so long...
that ive come to believe my souls on the other side...
All the little pieces falling...shattered.
Shards of me too sharp to put back together.
too small to matter but big enough to cut me into so many little peices
if I try to touch her (him)...

Thats how I feel when I try to embrace little Brian....it hurts me alot but when I am strong enough I do it.

Kids scare me cause I am afraid they will see into my soul from my eyes and see the pain and anger...the abuse. Its scares me.

Oh but I have one self image issue...I am hairy and all my abusers were and I think that bugs me alot.

I can relate to that one! My dad was my abuser, hairy...hair disgusts me.

Yep, me too. Hate hairy arms, legs, chest. Fortunately, I'm not too hairy in those places. I hate cologne and certain deoderants too.

I used to look in the mirror and hate what I'd see. It has passed finally. Lifes really not so bad and little Brent and big Brent doing okay even in the mirror.

That is good Brent. Did this happen as a result of progressing through therapy?

Interesting topic.

I can also relate. I hated seeing my reflection as a kid. What an ugly F... I thought I was. in the last 2 years I've been going through my kid pictures, and damn if I wasn't near as ugly as I thought I was. Damn I hate it that that happened to me. My perception of my looks was only the tip of the iceberg. I felt that way about my entire existence.

Lots of love,

John

I have only started to look at myself in the mirror recently. To really look that is. I'll always look to shave and comb my hair, but rarely at my eyes. When I do it's...I dunno, odd. Or when I look at my whole face or body and not just the part I'm focusing on to get a task done. It's kinda surreal, because rarely to I feel like I look, if that makes any sense.

The eyes...yea I have a hard time looking someone in the eyes as well. I don't really know why.

Good topic.

Eric

What can you do about it though??? I guess it will pass.

This is a good topic.

When I look in the mirror I don't see myself, I see the scars internal and external. I see all the mistakes I have made and I see the shame in that kids eyes.

Jay

Jay,

I used to feel so ashamed to look into a mirror. I remember not wanting to look myself in the eye because all that was on my mind was, "It happened - again!". Looking back I can see now that after the abuse ended this feeling became even worse. Once I could look at the abuse as something that began here and ended there, that's when I started on a lot of the big "why" questions that really tore me up.

But we can get part this, as I was saying. For me it was one of those things that I didn't notice at first. One day I was shaving and suddenly realized I didn't hate looking at my reflection anymore.

Much love,
Larry

DITTO!!! Except that I STILL dont look in the mirror. Lorie said she noticed that many years ago and did not know what to make of it. Now she does.

But Yeah....Back then I though that little guy to the left was one ugly fk.

I don't like to look in mirror b/c I don't like what I see. But I am getting better. I know this sounds dorky but I taped a note to the mirror that says something like 'you are a good person' and now when I look at the mirror and impulsively dislike myself I see that and feel better about myself.

I can look in the mirror, just not at myself in the eyes. Just cannot do it for some reason.