Newest Members
susanhepp, Breathe, georgetwo, frozen45, lilac
12291 Registered Users
Today's Birthdays
closure (24), esp22 (40)
Who's Online
0 registered (), 24 Guests and 7 Spiders online.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Forum Stats
12291 Members
73 Forums
63240 Topics
442221 Posts

Max Online: 418 @ 07/02/12 07:29 AM
Twitter
Page 1 of 3 1 2 3 >
Topic Options
#160001 - 06/05/07 11:15 AM I never look in the mirror...
pain4ever Offline


Registered: 04/05/01
Posts: 1032
I just realised something strange this morning. I never really look at myself in a mirror. Its not an image thing...I really could care less about impressing other people, but I just done look in mirrors. I shave my head in the shower, I shave my face in the shower....I dont have hair to do but its like I am intentionally avoiding looking myself in the mirror. You know its weird....Like I am afraid of what I will see.

_________________________
Peace and Tranquility all depends on your frame of reference.

Top
#160024 - 06/05/07 02:12 PM Re: I never look in the mirror... [Re: pain4ever]
shadowkid Offline
WARNING from ModTeam, September 2013: user "Shadowkid" was exposed as a hoaxer. His entire online persona and stories of sexual abuse were fiction. We encourage you not to become emotionally concerned by anything you see in any of his posts. Thank you
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/18/05
Posts: 2437
me too dude for sure!if im at the sink i make it point not to look up at the mirror .

_________________________
its not hard to fall
when you float like a cannonball - damien rice

Top
#160028 - 06/05/07 03:02 PM Re: I never look in the mirror... [Re: shadowkid]
pain4ever Offline


Registered: 04/05/01
Posts: 1032
I dont know why....Its just like not wanting kids to look me in the eye...maybe...i odnt know.

_________________________
Peace and Tranquility all depends on your frame of reference.

Top
#160034 - 06/05/07 04:02 PM Re: I never look in the mirror... [Re: pain4ever]
buzz_key Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/31/07
Posts: 635
Loc: USA
Same here. I shave my head and face at the mirror, but I NEVER look myself in the eyes in the mirror, never have.

I know why I don't though....I don't like myself, never have.
Don't like the way I look, act, feel, none of it.

Hopefully that will change someday.


Top
#160056 - 06/05/07 06:24 PM Re: I never look in the mirror... [Re: buzz_key]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
I remember that feeling so well, and thankfully guys, it passes. Once we realize how totally innocent we were it's not so painful to look into the mirror and see the guy who suffered through all that.

Even when I blow it big-time and treat myself to a WoFR, I can still look into the mirror and say, hey, that wasn't so smart was it?, and just keep going. We do learn to claim our innocence and our human imperfection all in one go. After all, that's the way real life is, not just for us, but for everyone.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

Top
#160059 - 06/05/07 06:39 PM Re: I never look in the mirror... [Re: roadrunner]
onlyakid Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/31/04
Posts: 1552
Loc: New Jersey
Guys,
I can relate so much to this, I didn't look in the mirror at myself for a long time and Larry's right, it does pass. I'm also just starting to get over looking at pictures of me.

Jason

_________________________
"Being with people that understand you...Priceless"

"and i don't want the world to see me, cause i don't think that they'd understand"

"You don't know what love is...you just do as your told"

"My life has changed. What you take as a simple thing, is not so simple for me anymore"


Top
#160061 - 06/05/07 06:49 PM Re: I never look in the mirror... [Re: onlyakid]
Barney Offline


Registered: 07/31/06
Posts: 236
Loc: Southern Utah/Northern Arizon
Glad that you have wrote a few words about you and mirrors. Love it when you make yourself visible by just writing!!!!!! We know your there and the good thing is, according to our other brothers, what your experiencing will pass and at some point, you will be able to look at yourself with love and acceptance. Thanks for risking.

Barney


Top
#160087 - 06/05/07 08:26 PM Re: I never look in the mirror... [Re: Barney]
Patrick63 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/03/07
Posts: 26
Loc: Knoxville, Tennessee
I won't look at my body in the mirror. I sometimes glance at my reflection. I am not afraid to look others in the eyes though. The eyes reveal what is going on in the inward person. What do others see when they look in my eyes?

_________________________
I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandmother. Not screaming in terror like her passengers

Top
#160100 - 06/05/07 08:57 PM Re: I never look in the mirror... [Re: Patrick63]
sabata Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/08/06
Posts: 1948
i look now and then...at myself in the mirror...but i think to myself...who is that person...then i think...that is what everyone else sees when i go out in the world....who is that???? its like the thoughts...in my mind dont go with my look.............still a child in many ways in the mind....and the look of a old man


Top
#160128 - 06/05/07 11:11 PM Re: I never look in the mirror... [Re: sabata]
KeithR Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/28/06
Posts: 363
Loc: Georgia
Wow.

This is a very interesting and revealing post. For me it hasn't been so much looking in the mirror, although I don't do it much.

It has been more, not looking at others in the eye when I talk to them, especially one on one. I think this was especially bad when I was a teen. Then is got better after I got married. (some one cared about me). I think I was ok in work situations, but stil not socially.

Only recently have I begun to look at people in the eye more often when they are talking to the "real" me (not the worker bee).


Top
#160163 - 06/06/07 07:35 AM Re: I never look in the mirror... [Re: KeithR]
pain4ever Offline


Registered: 04/05/01
Posts: 1032
It wierd its not out of self image...I guess I dont want to see a flash of little Brian. To be honest everytime I get in touch with him it hurts alot....

Its like the Evanescence song I posted about...these lines..

I've been looking in the mirror for so long...
that ive come to believe my souls on the other side...
All the little pieces falling...shattered.
Shards of me too sharp to put back together.
too small to matter but big enough to cut me into so many little peices
if I try to touch her (him)...


Thats how I feel when I try to embrace little Brian....it hurts me alot but when I am strong enough I do it.

Kids scare me cause I am afraid they will see into my soul from my eyes and see the pain and anger...the abuse. Its scares me.

_________________________
Peace and Tranquility all depends on your frame of reference.

Top
#160184 - 06/06/07 08:52 AM Re: I never look in the mirror... [Re: pain4ever]
pain4ever Offline


Registered: 04/05/01
Posts: 1032
Oh but I have one self image issue...I am hairy and all my abusers were and I think that bugs me alot.

_________________________
Peace and Tranquility all depends on your frame of reference.

Top
#160236 - 06/06/07 11:26 AM Re: I never look in the mirror... [Re: pain4ever]
buzz_key Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/31/07
Posts: 635
Loc: USA
I can relate to that one! My dad was my abuser, hairy...hair disgusts me.


Top
#160303 - 06/06/07 08:27 PM Re: I never look in the mirror... [Re: buzz_key]
lostandfound Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/01/07
Posts: 148
Loc: Singularity
Yep, me too. Hate hairy arms, legs, chest. Fortunately, I'm not too hairy in those places. I hate cologne and certain deoderants too.

I used to look in the mirror and hate what I'd see. It has passed finally. Lifes really not so bad and little Brent and big Brent doing okay even in the mirror.

_________________________
"I'm not suppose to be like this, but it's okay!" -REM

Top
#160307 - 06/06/07 08:57 PM Re: I never look in the mirror... [Re: lostandfound]
buzz_key Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/31/07
Posts: 635
Loc: USA
That is good Brent. Did this happen as a result of progressing through therapy?


Top
#160326 - 06/06/07 11:04 PM Re: I never look in the mirror... [Re: buzz_key]
WalkingSouth Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/30/05
Posts: 16264
Interesting topic.

I can also relate. I hated seeing my reflection as a kid. What an ugly F... I thought I was. in the last 2 years I've been going through my kid pictures, and damn if I wasn't near as ugly as I thought I was. Damn I hate it that that happened to me. My perception of my looks was only the tip of the iceberg. I felt that way about my entire existence.

Lots of love,

John

_________________________
“Life’s journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting ‘Holy ____…! What a ride!’” ~Hunter S. Thompson

Top
#160330 - 06/06/07 11:50 PM Re: I never look in the mirror... [Re: WalkingSouth]
ecb Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/04/03
Posts: 205
I have only started to look at myself in the mirror recently. To really look that is. I'll always look to shave and comb my hair, but rarely at my eyes. When I do it's...I dunno, odd. Or when I look at my whole face or body and not just the part I'm focusing on to get a task done. It's kinda surreal, because rarely to I feel like I look, if that makes any sense.

The eyes...yea I have a hard time looking someone in the eyes as well. I don't really know why.

Good topic.

Eric


Top
#160353 - 06/07/07 07:47 AM Re: I never look in the mirror... [Re: ecb]
pain4ever Offline


Registered: 04/05/01
Posts: 1032
What can you do about it though??? I guess it will pass.

_________________________
Peace and Tranquility all depends on your frame of reference.

Top
#160366 - 06/07/07 08:20 AM Re: I never look in the mirror... [Re: pain4ever]
Jaysen Offline
Member

Registered: 06/14/06
Posts: 680
This is a good topic.

When I look in the mirror I don't see myself, I see the scars internal and external. I see all the mistakes I have made and I see the shame in that kids eyes.

Jay


Top
#160478 - 06/07/07 06:21 PM Re: I never look in the mirror... [Re: Jaysen]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Jay,

I used to feel so ashamed to look into a mirror. I remember not wanting to look myself in the eye because all that was on my mind was, "It happened - again!". Looking back I can see now that after the abuse ended this feeling became even worse. Once I could look at the abuse as something that began here and ended there, that's when I started on a lot of the big "why" questions that really tore me up.

But we can get part this, as I was saying. For me it was one of those things that I didn't notice at first. One day I was shaving and suddenly realized I didn't hate looking at my reflection anymore.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

Top
#160481 - 06/07/07 06:30 PM Re: I never look in the mirror... [Re: WalkingSouth]
Still Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 6380
Loc: 2.5 NATO Nations
Originally Posted By: walkingsouth
I can also relate. I hated seeing my reflection as a kid. What an ugly F... I thought I was. in the last 2 years I've been going through my kid pictures, and damn if I wasn't near as ugly as I thought I was. Damn I hate it that that happened to me. My perception of my looks was only the tip of the iceberg. I felt that way about my entire existence.


DITTO!!! Except that I STILL dont look in the mirror. Lorie said she noticed that many years ago and did not know what to make of it. Now she does.

But Yeah....Back then I though that little guy to the left was one ugly fk.

_________________________
Jesus Loves The Hell Outta Me!

Still's Globs

New Video

Top
#160526 - 06/07/07 10:05 PM Re: I never look in the mirror... [Re: Still]
conchshell Offline
New Here

Registered: 03/01/07
Posts: 12
Loc: Southern California
I don't like to look in mirror b/c I don't like what I see. But I am getting better. I know this sounds dorky but I taped a note to the mirror that says something like 'you are a good person' and now when I look at the mirror and impulsively dislike myself I see that and feel better about myself.


Top
#160530 - 06/07/07 10:09 PM Re: I never look in the mirror... [Re: conchshell]
EGL Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 06/19/04
Posts: 7821
I can look in the mirror, just not at myself in the eyes. Just cannot do it for some reason.

_________________________
Eddie

Top
Page 1 of 3 1 2 3 >


Moderator:  ModTeam, TJ jeff 

I agree that my access and use of the MaleSurvivor discussion forums and chat room is subject to the terms of this Agreement. AND the sole discretion of MaleSurvivor.
I agree that my use of MaleSurvivor resources are AT-WILL, and that my posting privileges may be terminated at any time, and for any reason by MaleSurvivor.