It wierd its not out of self image...I guess I dont want to see a flash of little Brian. To be honest everytime I get in touch with him it hurts alot....

Its like the Evanescence song I posted about...these lines..

I've been looking in the mirror for so long...
that ive come to believe my souls on the other side...
All the little pieces falling...shattered.
Shards of me too sharp to put back together.
too small to matter but big enough to cut me into so many little peices
if I try to touch her (him)...

Thats how I feel when I try to embrace little Brian....it hurts me alot but when I am strong enough I do it.

Kids scare me cause I am afraid they will see into my soul from my eyes and see the pain and anger...the abuse. Its scares me.

Oh but I have one self image issue...I am hairy and all my abusers were and I think that bugs me alot.

I can relate to that one! My dad was my abuser, hairy...hair disgusts me.

Yep, me too. Hate hairy arms, legs, chest. Fortunately, I'm not too hairy in those places. I hate cologne and certain deoderants too.

I used to look in the mirror and hate what I'd see. It has passed finally. Lifes really not so bad and little Brent and big Brent doing okay even in the mirror.

That is good Brent. Did this happen as a result of progressing through therapy?

Interesting topic.

I can also relate. I hated seeing my reflection as a kid. What an ugly F... I thought I was. in the last 2 years I've been going through my kid pictures, and damn if I wasn't near as ugly as I thought I was. Damn I hate it that that happened to me. My perception of my looks was only the tip of the iceberg. I felt that way about my entire existence.

Lots of love,

John

I have only started to look at myself in the mirror recently. To really look that is. I'll always look to shave and comb my hair, but rarely at my eyes. When I do it's...I dunno, odd. Or when I look at my whole face or body and not just the part I'm focusing on to get a task done. It's kinda surreal, because rarely to I feel like I look, if that makes any sense.

The eyes...yea I have a hard time looking someone in the eyes as well. I don't really know why.

Good topic.

Eric

What can you do about it though??? I guess it will pass.

This is a good topic.

When I look in the mirror I don't see myself, I see the scars internal and external. I see all the mistakes I have made and I see the shame in that kids eyes.

Jay

Jay,

I used to feel so ashamed to look into a mirror. I remember not wanting to look myself in the eye because all that was on my mind was, "It happened - again!". Looking back I can see now that after the abuse ended this feeling became even worse. Once I could look at the abuse as something that began here and ended there, that's when I started on a lot of the big "why" questions that really tore me up.

But we can get part this, as I was saying. For me it was one of those things that I didn't notice at first. One day I was shaving and suddenly realized I didn't hate looking at my reflection anymore.

Much love,
Larry