Newest Members
BCtejas, JHNebraska, mike42069, JACKL, Personman
12491 Registered Users
Today's Birthdays
mrwhiskers (25), SouthernLaw (41), TerryT (61)
Who's Online
6 registered (dan_in_newengland, Obi, 4 invisible), 93 Guests and 4 Spiders online.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Forum Stats
12491 Members
74 Forums
64159 Topics
447737 Posts

Max Online: 418 @ 07/02/12 07:29 AM
Twitter
Page 2 of 3 < 1 2 3 >
Topic Options
#160163 - 06/06/07 07:35 AM Re: I never look in the mirror... [Re: KeithR]
pain4ever Offline


Registered: 04/05/01
Posts: 1032
It wierd its not out of self image...I guess I dont want to see a flash of little Brian. To be honest everytime I get in touch with him it hurts alot....

Its like the Evanescence song I posted about...these lines..

I've been looking in the mirror for so long...
that ive come to believe my souls on the other side...
All the little pieces falling...shattered.
Shards of me too sharp to put back together.
too small to matter but big enough to cut me into so many little peices
if I try to touch her (him)...


Thats how I feel when I try to embrace little Brian....it hurts me alot but when I am strong enough I do it.

Kids scare me cause I am afraid they will see into my soul from my eyes and see the pain and anger...the abuse. Its scares me.

_________________________
Peace and Tranquility all depends on your frame of reference.

Top
#160184 - 06/06/07 08:52 AM Re: I never look in the mirror... [Re: pain4ever]
pain4ever Offline


Registered: 04/05/01
Posts: 1032
Oh but I have one self image issue...I am hairy and all my abusers were and I think that bugs me alot.

_________________________
Peace and Tranquility all depends on your frame of reference.

Top
#160236 - 06/06/07 11:26 AM Re: I never look in the mirror... [Re: pain4ever]
buzz_key Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/31/07
Posts: 635
Loc: USA
I can relate to that one! My dad was my abuser, hairy...hair disgusts me.


Top
#160303 - 06/06/07 08:27 PM Re: I never look in the mirror... [Re: buzz_key]
lostandfound Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/01/07
Posts: 148
Loc: Singularity
Yep, me too. Hate hairy arms, legs, chest. Fortunately, I'm not too hairy in those places. I hate cologne and certain deoderants too.

I used to look in the mirror and hate what I'd see. It has passed finally. Lifes really not so bad and little Brent and big Brent doing okay even in the mirror.

_________________________
"I'm not suppose to be like this, but it's okay!" -REM

Top
#160307 - 06/06/07 08:57 PM Re: I never look in the mirror... [Re: lostandfound]
buzz_key Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/31/07
Posts: 635
Loc: USA
That is good Brent. Did this happen as a result of progressing through therapy?


Top
#160326 - 06/06/07 11:04 PM Re: I never look in the mirror... [Re: buzz_key]
WalkingSouth Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/30/05
Posts: 16265
Interesting topic.

I can also relate. I hated seeing my reflection as a kid. What an ugly F... I thought I was. in the last 2 years I've been going through my kid pictures, and damn if I wasn't near as ugly as I thought I was. Damn I hate it that that happened to me. My perception of my looks was only the tip of the iceberg. I felt that way about my entire existence.

Lots of love,

John

_________________________
“Life’s journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting ‘Holy ____…! What a ride!’” ~Hunter S. Thompson

Top
#160330 - 06/06/07 11:50 PM Re: I never look in the mirror... [Re: WalkingSouth]
ecb Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/04/03
Posts: 205
I have only started to look at myself in the mirror recently. To really look that is. I'll always look to shave and comb my hair, but rarely at my eyes. When I do it's...I dunno, odd. Or when I look at my whole face or body and not just the part I'm focusing on to get a task done. It's kinda surreal, because rarely to I feel like I look, if that makes any sense.

The eyes...yea I have a hard time looking someone in the eyes as well. I don't really know why.

Good topic.

Eric


Top
#160353 - 06/07/07 07:47 AM Re: I never look in the mirror... [Re: ecb]
pain4ever Offline


Registered: 04/05/01
Posts: 1032
What can you do about it though??? I guess it will pass.

_________________________
Peace and Tranquility all depends on your frame of reference.

Top
#160366 - 06/07/07 08:20 AM Re: I never look in the mirror... [Re: pain4ever]
Jaysen Offline
Member

Registered: 06/14/06
Posts: 680
This is a good topic.

When I look in the mirror I don't see myself, I see the scars internal and external. I see all the mistakes I have made and I see the shame in that kids eyes.

Jay


Top
#160478 - 06/07/07 06:21 PM Re: I never look in the mirror... [Re: Jaysen]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Jay,

I used to feel so ashamed to look into a mirror. I remember not wanting to look myself in the eye because all that was on my mind was, "It happened - again!". Looking back I can see now that after the abuse ended this feeling became even worse. Once I could look at the abuse as something that began here and ended there, that's when I started on a lot of the big "why" questions that really tore me up.

But we can get part this, as I was saying. For me it was one of those things that I didn't notice at first. One day I was shaving and suddenly realized I didn't hate looking at my reflection anymore.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

Top
Page 2 of 3 < 1 2 3 >


Moderator:  ModTeam, TJ jeff 

I agree that my access and use of the MaleSurvivor discussion forums and chat room is subject to the terms of this Agreement. AND the sole discretion of MaleSurvivor.
I agree that my use of MaleSurvivor resources are AT-WILL, and that my posting privileges may be terminated at any time, and for any reason by MaleSurvivor.