A lame poem that sums me up.

"These bars are cold
The walls are wet
My cellmate is sleeping
And I've settled the debt"


It started years ago
When I was a kid
I had no idea
They could do what they did

I loved my uncles
and my aunts too
I thought they were good
I was a fool

I followed my uncle
To the bedroom
He said he loved me
And then came the boom

A little while later
My aunt spent the night
She slept in my bed
What she did wasn't right

Another uncle came by
This time with his lady
He was mad and mean
So I did the things they made me

Then came an aunt
She said I was cute
The things she made me do
My childhood was her loot

My brother came next
It came as no surprise
When he said he was horny
I just closed my eyes

All this went on
For many years
For most nights
My pillow was soaked in tears

As I got older
I began to learn
That I was a victim
Just an innocence turned

I needed to escape
Tried to be free
I wanted to kill
So I joined the military

I finally got away
I wanted to try
To have a new life
Keep my pillow dry

There I met
The woman of my dreams
Kind and loving
And many more things

When I fell for her
I told her about my past
She looked me in my eyes
And said our love would always last

But my past messed me up
Made my violence come out
My commander told me
That he wanted me out

So we moved away
Back to her state
There was no work there
Sometimes we barely ate

So I went back home
To find some work
But I didn't realize
The demons that lurked

I found a good job
We were finally set
Had a few kids
Almost got a pet

But then my old family
Interefered with my life
Wanted me in theirs
As well as my wife

I thought just maybe
I'd give them a chance
Try to keep the demons
From doing their dance

I was able to do it
For very little while
But the nightmares returned
I could no longer smile

I have always wanted
For them to pay
But now I am ready
Its about that day

I am filled with hate
I am full of rage
I want them dead
Not locked up in a cage

I want them to feel
Like their soul is burned
That god has left them
From what he has learned

To make them know
That they caused this
And the pain they feel
To me is pure bliss

To watch their bodies
Lose flex and go limp
To watch their life
From their eyes' slip

Someday I'll succeed
And probably be caught
And when I'm in prison
I'll recite this thought

"These bars are cold
The walls are wet
My cellmate is sleeping
And I've settled the debt"

Will it be worth it?
I think that it will
Cause if god will not punish
Then their lives I'LL steal.


I am patient

InjunE,

Ya know, i would think about moving about as far away from all of them as i could, just pick up and go start up somewhere else.

They will be held to answer for the things they have done, just like you at night when its dark and they are alone, just them and there own mind, they may be able to lie to themselves and make themselves look nice during the day, but at night when they are all alone they know on some level they will be held to answer and they are haunted by that.

They may be able to fool a few people here and there, but they will be held to answer.

John

InjunE,
You and I have a lot in common! It wasn't family that raped me but they wouldn't do anything to stop it! It went on for years, 100's of times! The abusers were older boys and men that are all gone now...they moved out, not me! I remember balled up in bed crying myself to sleep most nights too! It was living hell, these guys were always horny and I have no choice but I'm big now and if I wanted to I could find most of them...some are dead! I did watch a friend of mine kill one...didn't mean to ...just hit him in the chest with a full bear while riding in a car at 60 miles an hour...he didn't even know that he killed him but I did! I also shot a few of them myself didn't kill any but they all ran off! I know what hate is...real hate...guess you do to...anger and hate...heavy shit to deal with!!!! John maybe right about moving, I couldn't live near my abusers...would be thinking like you!...you or they have to go! Don't get yourself busted...you'll have the same thing happen to you again in jail...they are well trained at teaming up to sexually abuse new guys!!!! Get away for your wife, she doesn't need this hate in you...it will make you sick and run her away! God, I hope you peace!

Eddie