im supposd to go an visit my mother
this saturday but i told sarah i
didnt wanna go anymore. she said
it was up to me.
but im not sure if i should go
or not.
i hate the fucking bitch i
think evryone knows that. but at
the same time i have all these
reasons why i know why she did the
shit shes done.
plus evrytime i go there all these
scary women say shit an it creeps
me out

You need to take care of yourself, Trevor. That is the most important thing in recovery- taking the steps to do what is best for US first.

If you think it will trigger you or hurt you emotionally if you go, then give serious consideration to skipping it.

Hi Trevor, I can relate so well to the confusion you speak of. As much anger and hatred as I have for my father, I find myself making excuses for what he did. I feel totally crazy at times when I struggle with hating him, and feeling the need to excuse what happened at the same time. I think some of it is just the nature to love your parents, no matter what? While my father has been gone for many years, I can only imagine the confusion for you with your mother still living. I do agree with the previous posts, if it makes you that uncomfortable, it may be best for you to stay away for a while. Only you can actually make that decision. Stay strong, and believe in yourself. My thoughts and warmest regards are with you.
Scott

Trev,

I can imagine how confusing this is for you. You have a lot of anger in your heart towards her, but at the end of the day she's your mother. So often we feel for a relative based on what they should have been for us rather than what they really awee. I'm glad you are able to talk about this.

So what should you do? That's up to you, of course, but can I ask you to look at something you said?:



Can you see what you're doing here? You're making excuses for her and in a way justifying what she did. That's a natural way of thinking for a guy in your situation, but the problem with it is that when you do this, bro, you're making her need for excuses more important than your need to take care of yourself.

Try to think of the situation without these excuses. Think of it in terms of what's good for YOU. You're important and special; you deserve to come first in this one. If you go, you will have all sorts of conflicted feelings and will get grossed out by the other women. If you don't go, then okay, your mother will perhaps be disappointed. But if she loves you she will understand. There will be other opportunities in the future when you have had a chance to resolve some of your own feelings.

Much love,
Larry

i know
i always make excuses 4 that
stupid bitch
but she was scared alot
and those times that bad shit
happend wen i was living w her
wasnt realy her fault. i was the
one who steppd in to help her
cuz i couldnt see her get hurt.
i could a just stayd out of it
but i didnt

Trev,

Can I suggest something here? Look at the situation as it is right now, and ask yourself: "What's good for ME right now?" Make your own recovery a priority and tell yourself that YOUR needs and feelings are important. Abuse fucks us up that way. It makes us think that what happens to us doesn't matter and that we are worthless anyway, so what the hell. But all that is bullshit, Trev. You do matter!

When I talk to guys here about situations like this, one example I like is that of two ships sailing together. Can one ship help the other if both of them are burning? It's like that with you and your Mom. If you feel you want to help or support her for whatever reasons, still, you have to be strong for yourself first before you can be strong for her.

Much love,
Larry

trev its like this for me ,i would love to hate my mom but i really hate loving her,but i just do cant help it,i think it takes one hell of a man to step into being hurt to try to help your mom ,so maybe when you did that it kinda made you guys even?.like they said she might be a stupid bitch but shes your mom and a good son like you still cares about her no matter what she did or didnt do ,even considering seeing her shows how much guts you got. whatever you decide i'll be behind you ,yeah the other people in the jails can reall suck the last time i saw my mom face to face was through the glass in the visitors room. but if they give you any shit i have no doubt you will just tell them to fuck off,good luck whatever you decide .adam

thx
im not sure what im gonna
do yet
when shes clean and sober its
e z to make excuses for her cuz
shes real nice
i dont think it took much to step
in to help her i mean i realy didnt
think about it i just couldnt
stand there and lisen to it
happen u know?
what is good for me rite now?
would be good to go there an tell
her and all those scary bitches to
fuck off and die then never go back
there

Hey Trevor, I went and visited my Mom's grave for the first time since she died today. I'm in the same boat Brother, I went to try and be mad at her but just ended up crying because I miss her. I don't think I'm ever going to figure out how to mourn her, hate her/miss her, hate her/miss her. What a flippen joke I am. I was writing a post a while back and I called her a bitch, I swear the guilt after saying that ate me up for weeks, but the thing is it's not like I lied, she was a fucking bitch to me, the abuse was endless.

Anyway, guess I'm not really offering any insight here, just wanted to let you know I understand and maybe you'll feel stronger knowing some of us are in the same battle. If you do figure something out let me know eh, and I'll do the same.

Stay strong Brother
Mike

thanks mike
it all helps
my mom nevr abused me
was diffrent
but cuz of her othr ppl did