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#159713 - 06/03/07 09:53 PM “The Fire Within This Icy Soul” trigger warning
hereforus Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/06/07
Posts: 82
Loc: usa
This pain inside burn like a red hot fire poker jabbed through my gut. This cage made of steel is so cold I shiver with frosty breathes of moisture from my limp corps. With skin of a chilly ever so cyanotic oxygen deprived stare of the eyes I look deep into your soul. I react like that of dead weight, and walk with reflections of others. Anxiously waiting that of what comes before my emotionless face. Red tented water surrounds and engulfs me with a surge of electricity that stuns this frozen soul. This fire within me of molten blood flows with no intent and no direction. Cold hands of unwanted comfort horrify my soul. I lay here as wet dust moving to the pleasure of another’s desire. So I pay for what is not mine that belonged to me, and was stolen from me so long ago. Ashamed to be seen, and embarrass to be known I hide away from those I now know. The torture to that of pain to my body I feel ends with the pain of my heart that has no end in sight. Triggers of the past prompt anger with no control. Healing these wounds of my past, with a bloody chilled shiver of death, runs through my veins. I view memories of the one that brought this hurt upon my frosty soul. Where dose the hurt stop for those whom I look upon now so many aged years later?

_________________________
"I will never forget, nor shall I choose too remember."

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#159815 - 06/04/07 12:34 PM Re: “The Fire Within This Icy Soul” trigger warning [Re: hereforus]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Kirk,

Originally Posted By: hereforus
I view memories of the one that brought this hurt upon my frosty soul. Where dose the hurt stop for those whom I look upon now so many aged years later?


I asked myself that for a long time, Kirk: "When will it stop hurting?" The answer is it never really stops hurting. How can it? Can what happened to you ever stop being important? Or horrifying? Can time make it all okay in some way?

I think what we gain from recovery is an ability to work through the hurt - a determination that the hurt will no longer be allowed to hijack our life and prevent us from being the men we were supposed to be.

I don't even wish to forget anymore. I want to remember, because this kind of thing continues today and I want to be able to be there for others the way so many others were there for me. I think for an abuser that's the ultimate defeat - to know his attempts to silence, dehumanize and shame me have entirely backfired.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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