Im new to this never posted before never even talked to some one about the stuff that happend to me.

When i was about six years old maybe younger or older but i think i was about six. i had a baby sitter who would come and watch me. at the time my parents liked to party and went out every weekend. any ways i dont rember much about the guy looking back on it now he must have been a kid maybe 17 years old i rember him being big fat even but not extremely fat he had teh build of a football player. anyways he would take me to my dads office in the attic. dads office consisted of a desk a giant leather office chair and a twin sized mattress with no sheets or pillows he slept on the mattress when grandma and grandpa came to town so they could have his bed.
Its hard for me to talk about the abuse that happend its hard to remember. there is all this stuff im sure alot of it happend but most if feels like a dream. but what i do remember, what i know happend for sure was my parents would leave and me and my baby sitter would go upstairs. it is always hot in our attic so he would tell me to take of my clothes to cool off. he would sit me in the big leather chair, and start to ask me questions like if i had a big penis or if i ever got hard. at the time i didnt even know what those words meant. i felt awkward and confused then he would take my underwear off and touch me. i know that that much for sure happend. but when i got older about 12 or 13 years old i started to have nightmares abuot him doing more stuff to me making me jack him off and finnaly him making me lie on my stomach and him bending me over and put him self inside me. it seems unreal to me but i am positive it really happend.

also time im not sure about i dont know how long this actualy went on for but one day it stoped i had an we baby sitter i know my parents know what happend to me but my intire life they havnt adressed it to me once not once. as a kid all i ever wanted from them was a hug and to be told it was ok but i never got that hug i was never told it was ok all i ever got was a warning not to go any were near the baby sitters house. i know they know i could always tell when i was younger when they were talking about it i would walk into a room late at night after i was suposed to be asleep and they would get real quiet as soon as they realized i was in the room then try and change the subject quickly but i knew that they were talking. im 18 now still a kid in my oppinion i want so badley to talk to them about it i still want that hug from them but i dont think i could ever bring it up to them i have tried before tried hundreds of times it just never comes out ill start to say somthing but it never works any ways thanks for hearing me out sorry if this was to long or a burden im just glad to have some were to talk