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#15934 - 05/08/03 12:48 AM Cultivate Inner Peace
Sleepy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/08/02
Posts: 288
Loc: Arizona, USA
Quote:

Cultivate Inner Peace

According to my experience, the principal
characteristic of genuine happiness is peace, inner peace.
-His Holiness the Dalai Lama

Cultivate a sense of peace, an abiding inner peace
that doesn't depend on outward circumstance.

So much chaos, so much drama, so many emotions
surge through us. It is so easy, so tempting to believe that once we get through this circumstance, once we achieve this goal, once we solve this problem, then we will be peaceful.

That's an illusion.
"I'm happy when I get what I want," said Kent.
"For a few minutes."

Getting what we want may cause us to feel happy
for a moment, but it will bring a limited, transient happiness. The next problem or emotion will present itself. Or we will begin resenting that person or job, because he, she, or it did not bring happiness we believed it would.
Like a carrot on a stick, happiness will always be the next problem, acquisition, or emotion away.

Be peaceful now.
Be happy now.
Take the limits off your joy.

God, help me remember to be peaceful first,
no matter what situation I face.
-Melody Beattie-
Here's another one of those inspirational e-mails I received. However this one I found to especially apply to me. For one thing I've always been this type of person who thinks that as soon as I get what I want then my life will be perfect. I think that this applies to my recovery as well. When I started addressing my SA issues I always said or thought that my life will be "perfect" as soon as the issues are resolved.

I more or less assumed that the issues were something to be solved much like an alegebra problem. Once you get past the problem everything is okay and you never have to deal with it again. My life will then be perfect, right? Even if the SA can be fully resolved there will always be something else to deal with. There will always be another hurdle to get over.

This issue just seems to be especially relevent to my life right now as I start to establish myself. There's just so much to deal with both inside and outside of this site that it's hard to focus on inner peace.

Anyway, I just try to be thankful for what I have now even if that doesn't feel right.
Okay, enough for now.
Mike

_________________________
"It is good to have an end to journey toward; but it is the journey that matters, in the end."
--Ursula K. Le Guin

"Mental health is a commitment to reality at all times."
--M. Scott Peck

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#15935 - 05/08/03 10:32 AM Re: Cultivate Inner Peace
outis Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/27/03
Posts: 2259
Loc: Maryland USA
Quote:
I think that this applies to my recovery as well. When I started addressing my SA issues I always said or thought that my life will be "perfect" as soon as the issues are resolved.

I more or less assumed that the issues were something to be solved much like an alegebra problem. Once you get past the problem everything is okay and you never have to deal with it again. My life will then be perfect, right?
Mike,

Thanks for this. I keep fluctuating between telling myself that this will all go away, telling myself that this will never go away. Once I "solve" the equation, I can go back to "life as normal." The fly in the ointment is that I never had "life as normal," so, "cured" or not I'll be going to something different.

Maybe I won't have this tendency to ramble when I get there. \:D

Thanks,

Joe

_________________________
"Telemachos, your guest is no discredit to you. I wasted no time in stringing the bow, and I did not miss the mark. My strength is yet unbroken…"—The Odyssey, translated by W.H.D. Rouse

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#15936 - 05/08/03 10:50 AM Re: Cultivate Inner Peace
chuck Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/30/03
Posts: 97
Loc: mid atlantic
Mike & Joe,

Thanks for your thoughts about inner peace, because I stumble across it, pick it up, put it back down and forget about it. When I started working with my T, I thought it was going to be a short time. I had witnessed my older brother being sexually abused by father and never thought I was. That was all I needed was to figure this out. However, I as I have discovered, I was sexually abused by father. Now, I just want to move on but I can't because the story I had imagine about my family life is not correct. I keep trying to search for inner peace and know it is there but I just can't remember where I put it.
I know I am rambling so I will end it here.

Chuck


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#15937 - 05/08/03 11:48 AM Re: Cultivate Inner Peace
outis Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/27/03
Posts: 2259
Loc: Maryland USA
Quote:
Now, I just want to move on but I can't because the story I had imagine about my family life is not correct.
Chuck,

That's it exactly! Those words wanted to come out of my mouth, if I had been able to find them.

My family was not what I had imagined, even when I was able to accept that some of the dysfunctions were real. My wife has been trying for years to get through to me, and I'm just now waking up to reality.

Which leaves me wondering where I came from, if not from the past I thought (or wished?) was reality.

Thanks,

Joe

_________________________
"Telemachos, your guest is no discredit to you. I wasted no time in stringing the bow, and I did not miss the mark. My strength is yet unbroken…"—The Odyssey, translated by W.H.D. Rouse

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#15938 - 05/08/03 02:35 PM Re: Cultivate Inner Peace
Mike Church Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 01/23/03
Posts: 3439
Loc: Toronto, Canada
Quote:
My family was not what I had imagined, even when I was able to accept that some of the dysfunctions were real. My wife has been trying for years to get through to me, and I'm just now waking up to reality.

Which leaves me wondering where I came from, if not from the past I thought (or wished?) was reality
Outis you know where you physically came from. That is fact. Now what is it that you actually came from. It is all the life's experiences up to the present; some bad some good. But you are the sum total of them and your perception of them. The key is perception. Now your wife is helping you and that is good. Because you can always continue to change by challenging your beliefs of the past and then replacing them with the new reality and new experiences. You are continually evolving. As long as you recognize that you control this process and do not let the past hurt you, and only you can prevent that. So we are like skin; sloughing off the old and replacing it with the new.

I guess the reality is we cannot change the past, just our interpretation of it. We can change the future so that what we are is less governed by that lousy past and more bu the here and now for the future.

Better stop because I am confused as any reader must me of this

AAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWWHHHHHHHHHOOOOOOOOO
Brother Mike

_________________________
Mikey

IT REALLY IS OK TO STUMBLE. NONE OF US ARE PERFECT.

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#15939 - 05/08/03 06:11 PM Re: Cultivate Inner Peace
Wuamei Offline
Member

Registered: 08/19/02
Posts: 2700
Loc: The left turn I should have ta...
Quote:
Better stop because I am confused as any reader must me of this
MikeC, reality itself is confusing. The only thing
more confusing is the chaos that is the lack of reality...

OK now I'm really confused...



Sleepy thanks for introducing this topic of inner peace and thanks for all who are sharing such powerful insights & experiences.

Believe it or not I don't have much to share about this right now.

For me, right now, maybe peace of mind lies in not
thinking so much about reality but just living it & trying to be real...

OK now I'm confused again I'm shuttin up!



Victor

_________________________
"I can't stand pain. It hurts me."
--Daffy Duck

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#15940 - 05/09/03 12:07 AM Re: Cultivate Inner Peace
Sleepy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/08/02
Posts: 288
Loc: Arizona, USA
I'm sorry if this came across confusing. I think lately I've been under a lot of stress and have been feeling really confused myself. Sometimes I just feel like nothing ever seems clear and so I feel like I'm fighting a constant battle. Anyway, I'm gonna hit the sack.
mike

_________________________
"It is good to have an end to journey toward; but it is the journey that matters, in the end."
--Ursula K. Le Guin

"Mental health is a commitment to reality at all times."
--M. Scott Peck

Top
#15941 - 05/09/03 09:52 AM Re: Cultivate Inner Peace
Wuamei Offline
Member

Registered: 08/19/02
Posts: 2700
Loc: The left turn I should have ta...
MikeSleepy:

Speaking for myself, it wasn't what you posted that came across as confusing. It's just that for me as a male survivor, the whole notion of inner peace is confusing, an unknown to be longed for & yet somewhat feared. Reality seems unreal & unreality seems real, clarity seems unclear & lack of clarity seems clear.

See I told you I'm confused!
:rolleyes: \:\)

Victor

_________________________
"I can't stand pain. It hurts me."
--Daffy Duck

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#15942 - 05/09/03 12:29 PM Re: Cultivate Inner Peace
ernie Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/26/02
Posts: 121
Loc: Portland, Maine
Inner peace has to be one of the hardest things we all face. My wife gave me a book that I have now read 2 times and hope it may help others. It is called the Four Agreements by: Don Miguel Ruiz

The Four Agreements are:
BE IMPECCABLE WITH YOUR WORD
Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.

DON'T TAKE ANYTHING PERSONALLY:
Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won't be the victim of needless suffering.

DON'T MAKE ASSUMPTIONS:
Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings,. sadness and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.

ALWAYS DO YOUR BEST:
Your best is going to change from moment to moment;it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under new circumstances, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgement, self-abuse and regret.

Be strong, the journey is filled with rocks, but, they can be moved.
Ernie (Bob)
_

_________________________
The roads of life are full of stones but, they can be moved take my hand we will help each other.

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#15943 - 05/09/03 01:42 PM Re: Cultivate Inner Peace
Wuamei Offline
Member

Registered: 08/19/02
Posts: 2700
Loc: The left turn I should have ta...
Thanks Ernie:

Believe it or not, a good male survivor friend just shared those with me the other day by email; he has the book also! Truly powerful stuff!

Victor

_________________________
"I can't stand pain. It hurts me."
--Daffy Duck

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