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#156961 - 05/19/07 10:20 AM Re: Wounds we pass on [Re: Morning Star]
markgreyblue Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/19/03
Posts: 5400
Loc: Pasadena, CA
this is wonderful Morning Star.

Thank you for encapsulating this so succinctly and directly
and beautifully.


Mark

_________________________
"...do not look outside yourself for the leader."
-wisdom of the hopi elders

"...the sign of a true leader is service..." - anonymous



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#156969 - 05/19/07 11:37 AM Re: Wounds we pass on [Re: Morning Star]
shadowkid Offline
WARNING from ModTeam, September 2013: user "Shadowkid" was exposed as a hoaxer. His entire online persona and stories of sexual abuse were fiction. We encourage you not to become emotionally concerned by anything you see in any of his posts. Thank you
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/18/05
Posts: 2437
im sorry but it just seems like this is all about how we are chosing to be victms ,that we are only here to get sympathy and pity from others and i for one dont like it. but maybe im just wallowing in self pity. maybe im too weak to just get over it.

_________________________
its not hard to fall
when you float like a cannonball - damien rice

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#156973 - 05/19/07 11:43 AM Re: Wounds we pass on [Re: shadowkid]
shadowkid Offline
WARNING from ModTeam, September 2013: user "Shadowkid" was exposed as a hoaxer. His entire online persona and stories of sexual abuse were fiction. We encourage you not to become emotionally concerned by anything you see in any of his posts. Thank you
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/18/05
Posts: 2437
i really believed that this was a place where we could say anything and not be judged for it in any way. by anybody .

_________________________
its not hard to fall
when you float like a cannonball - damien rice

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#156976 - 05/19/07 11:56 AM Re: Wounds we pass on [Re: markgreyblue]
Morning Star Offline
Member

Registered: 12/21/04
Posts: 1124
Loc: Home
Thank you Mark for your appreciation.

Come to think of it, I can now thank my father for this lasting lesson - Not to die as a victim.

Morning Star

_________________________
~ It's over!...Let go of Thy Past, Remember Thy Self ~

Why Don't People Heal, by Caroline Myss; 30 days to clean up your vibrations - Abraham-Hicks

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#156978 - 05/19/07 12:00 PM Re: Wounds we pass on [Re: shadowkid]
FormerTexan Offline
Site Administrator
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 09/12/04
Posts: 11174
Loc: Denver, CO
Morning Star,

I think it might help me understand better if you can differentiate between someone who stays in a victim mindset versus one who talks about their past to heal from it. After all, we all come here and find a kinship, a brotherhood, people who will accept us and relate to us. That's something that, if not painful to us directly, is a huge blessing to find. People can come here and find some beautiful relationship with others.

What would be the difference between someone seeking sympathy and pity, versus someone seeking genuine support and relationship? I can think of a very good recent example.

Your thoughts, please.

_________________________
List of things ain't nobody got time for:

1. That


If I could meet myself as a boy...

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#156986 - 05/19/07 12:18 PM Re: Wounds we pass on [Re: FormerTexan]
Morning Star Offline
Member

Registered: 12/21/04
Posts: 1124
Loc: Home
OUT OF ALL THE COPING MECHANISMS acquired by a survivor, the Victims Archetype is the most dangerous one, as it is most difficult to understand, let alone heal.

And a person stuck in a VICTIM ARCHETYPE is one who constantly needs to tell people and himself about his past, so much so his past become his only calling card, and he acquires a victims stand point in any difficult life situation.

He is first one to quit and the first one to blame others for all that we is going through and for not doing even what he could have easily done, by himself. For he seldom does anything to extricate himself from this predicaments, such is the lure and trap of Victims mindset.

Further, he expects others to do that for him, through constant sympathy, support and concern.

He has a strong sense of entitlement, and would easily guilt trip someone to get his way. He would whine incessantly, unlike occasionally in common survivors.

To further insure opportunities to whine and get sympathy he would regularly host pity parties, befriend other victims or saviour, a strong archetype which falls into this 'compassion trap' thinking he can fix the 'victim' and prove himself. As long as we continue to think of ourselves as victims we would continue to attract 'fixer' as love interests, people who try to fix us rather than love us for who we are, as that is what we are intrinsically want for ourselves - to be fixed by someone else.

This is also an indication of the presence of the shadow side of CHILD ARCHETYPE, which refuses to grow up, which added to with Victim mindset is tough challenge to overcome.

However, there is no challenge that cannot be overcome, and every obstacle that life brings to us is only there to empower us, in the long run.

Though sometimes we have to get out of, our own way.

A hypochondriac is a strong example of Victim Archetype, who always looking for new ways that his life isn’t working, instead for looking at things that are, and working on them.

We have to all eventually learn to deal with the cards we have been dealt with, by destiny.

These are but a few symptoms that we have to be ‘careful’ of spotting in ourselves and other people we meet, so that we can seek professional help in curing this vicious cycle.

TO ENABLE A VICTIM IS A WORST CRIME we can do towards them, as it literally paralyses a victim mindset to stay rooted in its woundedness for ever, as there is no incentive to get out of it.

Otherwise one day we all get tired of being so hurt and angry, irritated, and on the edge all the time, always ready to be triggered, that give up fighting and surrender, and finally say to ourselves that, "To hell with the past, and the abusers, let me live the life I have left, on my own terms now. I am ready to let go… and forgive...”

As a survivor once said, “These people destroyed my childhood, now I won't let them destroy the rest of my life."

With that determination of self love, this woman cured herself in no time, as she decided to forgive her abuser, as her anger was literally killing her, as she had developed cancer.

.....................

AS FOR SHARING OUR STORY TO 'OUT' OURSELVES, we all know it is most welcomed, and rather encouraged out here, when we first join here, we even have special forum for that purpose.

Though if after a while, if we still find ourselves repeating same those old stories to ourselves and to others, and continue to believe that deliberate reliving can be healthy in any way, then we have to be extra careful, in seeking help in curing our Victim Mindset or archetype that is obviously is flaring up, which if allowed to take over, will never let us forgive or let go of the past, as it derives so much power from its woundedness.

Since I have spend decades being trapped in the archetype, and living with one, I am quick to catch it now in myself and others, that is the way I have learned to protect myself.

DEALING WITH A VICTIMS MINDSET needs tough love, and an empowering attitude, that is the important maxim for empowerment is - Never do anything for someone, which you think they can do for themselves, show them the way, and them allow them to fall and learn to walk on their own. That would be our gift to them.

In the end, no one can walk in our shoes; it is our private, initiate journey. All the loneliness as a very big reason we have to eventually use this pace to reach out to our inner self and seek its companionship.

The problem is that a victim always looks for an easy way out when it comes to doing the hard tasks in recovery like self recovery and forgiveness; they want a saviour who will carry the weight of their recovery.

Feeling sympathy or compassion for another is one thing, but excessively expressing it, makes us person dependent on us to soothe themselves.

That is why, survivor who had little family support while growing up, soon learn to support and soothe themselves, or better still learn to turn towards their spirit to drive them through area of darkness.

Extra careful parents or an over protective childhood turns out to detrimental to a child growing up to be self reliant, be it in making important life choices, or taking care of its well being. Otherwise each child is born with a strong sense of intuition to guide it through life. Part of recovery is beginning to trust our inner voice and its concern over our well being.

During our recovery we all have to learn self soothing and self love, otherwise like children we continue to look for people to do that for ourselves, and remain scared of being alone, and having to walk the road on our own.

Though the truth remains that no one else can walk the path for us, not even God.

We cannot walk the path for anyone. To each his own. No one can carry our 'cross' for us. Not even God step in there. He patiently awaits our resurrection.

"I CAN" is the only way out of a Victims Mindset, and always staying in the 'solution' zone, and then the entire Universe joins hands to support us in this endeavour of ours to heal ourselves.

Till then, we block all our prayers from being answered, as we have locked ourselves in a prison of darkness, and self denial.

Giving up our Victims Mindset is allowing the prayers to be answered.

Our recovery is of prime important to God as well, we just have to know and believe it, fully, and use that belief to make Universe or God our partner in recovery and not someone we have to always fight to win love from.

Gods love for us, remain unconditional, as ever. It is we who have give up our conditions in receiving love.


Morning Star



_________________________
~ It's over!...Let go of Thy Past, Remember Thy Self ~

Why Don't People Heal, by Caroline Myss; 30 days to clean up your vibrations - Abraham-Hicks

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#158622 - 05/28/07 08:36 AM Re: Wounds we pass on [Re: Morning Star]
Morning Star Offline
Member

Registered: 12/21/04
Posts: 1124
Loc: Home

AT THE CORE of our everyday struggle or restless over balancing our power equation with the world around, lies a deep urge or a longing to reconnect, with our essence, whatever we might choose to call it; because deep in our hearts we know that it is the only way our power struggles can end.

As a soul with a connection to its Source is utterly powerless, and we too feel the same powerlessness reflected through all our life experiences. The only way out is reconnection, again and again.

Choosing to reconnect is not just a choice for the soul, but an imperative for its growth. For without it, it remains trapped in everyday struggle of the physical reality and never allow the spirit to set it free from everyday worries.

It's like many people would not be able to handle if they are told not to worry, just for a single day in their entire lifetime, they would end up finding something or another that's not right to brood over, or worry about.

As that is way mind proves its existence, by thinking, and what the spirit wants us to do is to end it.

So that it can take over the mind, and use it to heal us and bring us in harmony with life, and when we are in harmony, there is no way life wouldn't be smooth and easy.

But to get there, the only impediment in this is our attachment to the physical world, and its power over us. And there is no way around it.

At the entry to the spirit world we are all asked a question, "What holds more power over you, the Earth or the Spirit?

We give power to our memories of the past, our physical assets, both material and bodily, so that they give us something to claim ours, or define ourselves with, but the spirit wants us to drop everything, and then enter into its realm.

Many victims may feel that if they give up their right to be angry, or hurt over the past, they would have no power left, while in truth it is our own clinging to the past holds us back after a point. No matter how bad we might have got hurt yesterday, the truth is that we survived, and it is another day, today.

It is our choice to drag the past out into the present, as we believe that just because our body, our mind or the emotional self got hurt, we got hurt.

That is why connecting with the spiritual self is freedom from the past, as pure light never gets hurts as that is what our essence is.

Yes, letting go of the past, and plunging into the spirit world is the proverbial leap of faith. And we all need to make that leap, at some point in this life, or another.

And that point can be the next moment as well, when we are asked right before we make a choice - Do you want this choice to be out of love or out of fear? What drives me, spirit or earth?

That is the only question we all need to ask ourselves, and answer it again, and again.

Morning Star

_________________________
~ It's over!...Let go of Thy Past, Remember Thy Self ~

Why Don't People Heal, by Caroline Myss; 30 days to clean up your vibrations - Abraham-Hicks

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#159059 - 05/30/07 10:40 AM Re: Wounds we pass on [Re: shadowkid]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Shadow,

Originally Posted By: shadowkid
im sorry but it just seems like this is all about how we are chosing to be victms ,that we are only here to get sympathy and pity from others and i for one dont like it. but maybe im just wallowing in self pity. maybe im too weak to just get over it.


I'm glad you posted this and I wanted to give it some thought. I do hope you feel you can post or talk about anything you need to on this site, and yes, without being judged.

We of course have the right to look back at our past and grieve, cry, rage, and react in whatever other way we want. I also think that we NEED to go back to the past; there is so much to learn there, and of course our present situation comes directly from our past. How can we move forward without dealing with the past?

But what I found, Shadow, was that after a time I was simply rehearsing the same old themes and not learning anything new. I could see that going back to the past could continue for the rest of my life if I allowed it to do so, but that I would no longer gain much from that exercise. On top of that, all our work in recovery takes up a lot of energy and emotional resources - what I was devoting to the past was looking like a waste, in that it wasn't helping me in the present any longer.

At that point I figured okay, I am done with the past and now I can move on. I tried to do this and resisted further temptations to go back to the past, but eventually I discovered it wasn't that simple. From time to time there WERE important issues I needed to go back to and process. Right now I am coming to realize that there is a difference between memories and thoughts that just invite us to grieve and rage, and others that pose specific challenges to our recovery and need to be processed.

The course of your recovery is YOUR journey, Shadow, and it has to make sense and offer relief and meaning to you, not to anybody else. However long you need to process the past is something that YOU have to decide. Just watch out, as I said, for signs that the learning process is over and that it may be time to move on.

I'm not sure this is making any sense, Shadow, even to me!!!! Recovery is a path that isn't so well marked sometimes.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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