"I go for bad boys..."now that rings a bell to me...the question to ask is why?

It seems with friends...well...I have learned to live without. I make a great friend...I can listen but when the reverse comes around they all are gone...either that or I help then they never help me when it is needed.

I have found a friend at work and we have opened up about some stuff up at work but where my problem lies is in the more intimate relationships. Seriously I push the good ones away and I really dont want to!

Intuition is the way we can bypass our old behaviour patterns and replace them with healthy ones.

Relax and listen to your self.

Morning Star

"I have learned to live without. I make a great friend...I can listen but when the reverse comes around they all are gone...either that or I help then they never help me when it is needed."

Very few people can live without friends. The loneliness is too unfair, and the lack of validation [that relationship gives us] is painful. If I were you, I too would feel put off by the lack of reciprocation on their part. No one owes anyone reciprocation in the relationship, but it would be unrealistic to expect that relationship to continue, just in my thinking. Don't get me wrong though, there are times when love for another human being can reach beyond the lack of reciprocation. When others in life have filled our cup generously, we can fill the cup of another who may or may not reciprocate, and be alright with that. If they don't that for us, they may do it for others down the road.

I'll stop running on now.

No its great to hear because I have been to that point where I loved someone to the point where reciprocation wasnt neccessary but it collapsed....couldnt handle it. Its a hurtful place to be...I am sorry FT.

"I am sorry FT"

No need to be, my friend. I just worry that I get too preachy.

Never too preachy...just helpful! And you can never be too helpful.

That is a good question and I still dont know the answer.

I don't know the answer for sure, but I'll venture a few guesses. Take what fits and leave the rest.

1. Because they are "bad," they are more exciting.
2. You may still have big self-worth issues that tell you that you don't deserve to be treated well.
3. It's familiar: Being hurt is familiar territory for you. Familiar is always easier than healthy. (If it weren't, I wouldn't be 125 lbs overweight, lol!)
4. It's predictable. You have a world-view that says, "People are untrustworthy; if they pretend not to be, they are even more dangerous." If you get in with a "bad boy," he will hurt you, and you will get what you expected to get -- not necessarily what you really wanted, but what you expected.
5. Perhaps you may have some "gay-shame" issues. If you started out thinking you were straight and living as though you were straight (correct me if I'm wrong), there may be some unresolved shame issues arising since identifying yourself as gay that lead you into destructive relationships with men.

I don't know whether these will even make sense for you, but you might try them on for size.

Joe

You get what you expect in life because you project yourself as injured and in need.
Some will be good to know in life, others, will take what they can get.

Toss out anyone who hurts, and find some decent friends, thats what I do, kick butt on anyone who takes advantage.
Not easy, but never impossible,

ste