i think when i was in canada,

i felt the nature of the gentile culture
allowed me the safety to experience my self in a new way -

in a very personal way.

when i came down to Boston, all that seemed to melt away,

the time - the same 'american' streses came -

especially in boston which is a hyper conservative city -

i was yelled at for being gay about 14 times in the time i have been here.

i am gaining strength to not only stay on my goals
despite my nature,

it has forced me to look at myself and really assert who i am - what i want - and not feel retiring of a social ingorance - that would have me - denying my self -

but fight and also extend friendliness to new people.

l know boundaries are important - and i also,
perhaps for a really bad reaction to how i was raised,
acknowleldge lots of bad stuff that i am working through

so that is a positive to that as well
i feel better -
i feel at last i am knowing Mark again, that i learned abotu in Toronto - the one who felt safe to be himself in a kind of very personal way - and now

also pragmatic american way now too - at home -

it seemed - so much of the time "I" was suspended - in my youth

now i feel a lot more aware and
commanding

Hey Mark, I feel this way also in Canada, although I've never lived anywhere else. I'm still trying to find my sexuality, but I feel that which ever way I choose will be perfectly acceptable to the society that I live in.

Funny how I'm afraid of so much in society, but being ostracized for being gay isn't one of them.

Mike

Mark,

I am so glad you are finding good ways to cope and assert your own worthiness, but it bugs the hell out of me that you even have to make the effort. In Europe companies even advertise using gay themes for a general audience and it's no big deal. The difference is stark and disturbing when one looks at the situation of hypocritical contrived righteousness in the States.

Much love,
Larry

Thanks Larry - actually - I think it might have been also the neighbourhood I happened to be in -

Boston is also a very conservative city -

with a very homogenous - group of socio - religio ethnic

... so the common thing is - no go gay - at least the visible spectrum of the culture -

there are high concentrations i am finding of arty - intellegent intellectual types - educated too -

and monied - over near where I will be living Cambridge/Alston

still - it's very clicky here -

i hear it takes years - to make friends -

not many - have liked boston - in from Toronto to Florida

for that