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#15852 - 05/08/03 12:37 AM Waiting for the other shoe to drop…
Wuamei Offline
Member

Registered: 08/19/02
Posts: 2700
Loc: The left turn I should have ta...
Funny how a few short weeks ago things seemed to be running along pretty smoothly. Just had a visit from a good survivor friend, had some good “T times,” getting out of the house more & isolating less, less a/o on the computer, on the verge of getting my certification, doing more water aerobics, bringing in more money, feeling better in every way, starting to make some good plans for the future like maybe finally getting a house and going into teaching.

Now a few weeks later it seems like life is falling apart & the sky is falling on me. Some more stuff out of my painful past coming out that I'm trying to deal with, getting scammed & not getting my certification, having all kinds of hassles with my fitness center managers, having to quit some water aerobics classes this morning & possibly the rest tomorrow, my daughter spraining her ankle & her boyfriend hurting her back right when its time to go pick her up from college for the summer, the other daughter backing into a car in the parking lot at her college last night, not sleeping well, chronic pain flaring, getting really depressed, starting to want to isolate again, a/o more again, feeling like a total failure & loser.

Now, on the way to a water aerobics class this evening, I had a car accident. First one since the biggie in 93 almost 10 years ago, but my 4th total, and there is no question about this one. Second accident in which I've been charged but the first one that is legit, even tho his turn signal came on rather late & his stop was somewhat abrupt; clearly my fault. And fortunately there was a cop right on the scene to prove it. I wrecked right after passing this cop who had pulled over someone for speeding or something, and luck me he saw the whole thing. Let the guy go without a ticket—the guy oughta thank me. Yes I got a ticket in the hospital but the cop was nice & apologetic. Told him my fault & he is just doing his job. Fortunately the truck I rear-ended was hardly scratched & none of its occupants were hurt. They were real nice too. Even helped me & the cop push my car off the road. A company pick up truck & driver & workers so apparently no problem there. I'm ok, was taken to ER & released. Major back contusions, neck & shoulder pain—as if I didn't have enuf of that already! Gotta do ice a few days then heat, take some pain & anti-inflammation meds that will keep me from driving—like I need it & like I have a car to drive anyway. Right when I need to move both daughters home from college within next few days; they're making other arrangements. Well my wife has been wanting a new car…

Oh yes there's more. We leave the hospital my wife & I drop off my pre>
_________________________
"I can't stand pain. It hurts me."
--Daffy Duck

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#15853 - 05/08/03 02:44 AM Re: Waiting for the other shoe to drop…
RickL Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/16/02
Posts: 84
Loc: Oregon
Victor,

I'm so sorry that all this adversity is coming your way. As you say, all you can do is laugh--and find the silver lining.

I remember a period of adversity I had in 1997. My wife told me she wanted a separation (2nd time she had floated the idea). This time I saw her resolve, and I knew it was a done deal. I think I also knew we would not be getting back together. This was one of the most painful days of my life.

Then, 3 days later, my employer fired me. The job was having its difficulties, but it still surprised me. I had never been "fired" before.

It was a pretty dark time. But I had a center core of hope and trust that the co-incidence of these two life-changing events was no coincidence at all. It was being made abundantly clear to me that I needed to make some deep seated changes and soul-healing in my life. That is when recovery for me began in earnest. And the "stacking" of these difficult events actually energized me--because I had lost everything, it gave me a kind of wierd feeling of freedom and hope.

Rick


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#15854 - 05/08/03 09:51 AM Re: Waiting for the other shoe to drop…
outis Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/27/03
Posts: 2258
Loc: Maryland USA
Victor,

I had planned to check your other thread last night, but we had some bad thunderstorms and I feared for my motherboard.

Sounds like a lot on your plate at once. I'm glad to hear you and your wife were able to laugh. Sometimes circumstances seem so ridiculous that laughing is the best response.

I hope your back, neck, and shoulders can settle down after this. I've had some problems in the same areas after auto accidents, and I can empathize.

If this is the first accident/moving violation in some period of time (varies by state, I think), your insurance company may overlook it in setting your rates. Sometimes listing the driver with the better record results in better rates, too.

I hope your wife doesn't have a lot of pain from the tooth. I don't think I have a single whole natural tooth in my head, and I've had incidents like what happened to her.

I read something recently in some 12 step literature about being careful what we ask our HP for. One quote was something like, "I asked for strength, and You gave me difficulties to overcome." Not saying that you asked for this, but maybe there's a reason for this all happening at once, but you haven't learned the reason yet.

Thanks,

Joe

_________________________
"Telemachos, your guest is no discredit to you. I wasted no time in stringing the bow, and I did not miss the mark. My strength is yet unbroken…"—The Odyssey, translated by W.H.D. Rouse

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#15855 - 05/08/03 09:54 AM Re: Waiting for the other shoe to drop…
James_dup1 Offline


Registered: 04/13/02
Posts: 1332
Loc: Wyoming
Victor,
I'm truley sorry for the trials that are going on in your life right now. It sounds like these are the last thing you need in your life. But, remember my brother you are a survivor not a quiter. Adding a car payment may put a strain on your finices but try to always find the bright side of everything. Your ok, the people in the truck are ok. It may not be a good time to buy a new Victor but at least your ok, it's lots easier to buy a new car than loseing you. Victor if there is anything I can do let me know, I use to sell cars so I would be willing to help you anyway I can.

Be safe my brother wolf.

James

_________________________
I have more issues than Rolling Stone!


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#15856 - 05/08/03 12:53 PM Re: Waiting for the other shoe to drop…
Mike Church Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 01/23/03
Posts: 3439
Loc: Toronto, Canada
Victor:

I read your post and having nothing but praise for the way you are handling it. To be able to include the gremlins and that you and your wife laughed hysterically is an added bonus.

Dont get me wong I have a great deal of sympathy for what you are going through but you have recognized tha you cannot be held responsible for every event around you. And that is good news BROTHER WOLF.

Were you not on the road all of us try to stay on think of how you would feel. Deserve every bit of it to reconfirm that you are no good. What a refreshing thing to read.

Others can take inspiration from this post. It truly defines what we are all about.

For myself I think you have done remarkably well and deserve a cyber hug from this brother wolf.

Mike

AAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWHHHHHHHHHHHHHHOOOOOOOEEEEEEEEEE

_________________________
Mikey

IT REALLY IS OK TO STUMBLE. NONE OF US ARE PERFECT.

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#15857 - 05/08/03 04:41 PM Re: Waiting for the other shoe to drop…
Wuamei Offline
Member

Registered: 08/19/02
Posts: 2700
Loc: The left turn I should have ta...
Rick:

Quote:
And the "stacking" of these difficult events actually energized me--because I had lost everything, it gave me a kind of wierd feeling of freedom and hope.
Thanks bro. I hope that feeling will be coming along before too long. Right now I'm just kinda numb & in the twilight zone, physically & emotionally.

But I do know what you mean. I've been there before myself.


James:

Thank you brother wolf I do truly appreciate that.
The claims adjustor just called & I have no doubt the car will be totalled out. We were still paying on the old car, just a lesser amount than a new one. My wife will probably pick up another car from an area dealer of the same kind. Thanks.

Mike:

Thank you my wolf brother. If reading this post helps anybody get thru their rough times of any kind I will be grateful. I know reading about some of the things guys like you have been thru here has made me laugh & cry, hurt with empathy & be utterly inspired & strengthtened to go on. Thank you Mike.

AAAOOOOWWWHHHHHHHOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHH!


Victor

_________________________
"I can't stand pain. It hurts me."
--Daffy Duck

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#15858 - 05/08/03 04:51 PM Re: Waiting for the other shoe to drop…
mattandrew Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/26/01
Posts: 376
Loc: Florida
Hey Victor,

Sorry brother for your rough couple of weeks,try to rest as much as you can and do yourself a favor go and get a second opinion after everything coold down over the next couple of days.I personally do not trust the ER and their radiologists after having several findings later by a second opinion.I truly hope you are not with Gei** for your auto insurance carrier,they are like fighting an up hill battle.I heard that if you buy an SUV you can get a tax break \:D ,this might help you.Hope you and the wife get better luck.I will stand on my soapbox and say a few prayers for you.

_________________________
M.A.N. ,
Boy who was trapped in society's nightmare & moving on thru healing & accountability.

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#15859 - 05/08/03 04:58 PM Re: Waiting for the other shoe to drop…
Wuamei Offline
Member

Registered: 08/19/02
Posts: 2700
Loc: The left turn I should have ta...
Quote:
Victor,

I had planned to check your other thread last night, but we had some bad thunderstorms and I feared for my motherboard.
Yeah those mother boards can be real mothers!

Quote:
Sounds like a lot on your plate at once. I'm glad to hear you and your wife were able to laugh. Sometimes circumstances seem so ridiculous that laughing is the best response.
Yep. "Act crazy or go crazy!"

Quote:
I hope your back, neck, and shoulders can settle down after this. I've had some problems in the same areas after auto accidents, and I can empathize.
Quote:
If this is the first accident/moving violation in some period of time (varies by state, I think), your insurance company may overlook it in setting your rates. Sometimes listing the driver with the better record results in better rates, too.
Unfortunately it's my first one, but my wife & two daughters are also on the policy, and my youngest recently had a freak accident, not her fault, while the oldest just the night before last backed into a car while parking and will probably have to go thru the insurance.

\:\(

Quote:
I hope your wife doesn't have a lot of pain from the tooth. I don't think I have a single whole natural tooth in my head, and I've had incidents like what happened to her.
Not so far except when she has something cold by the tooth it hurts. She needs to get to the dentist right away.

Quote:
I read something recently in some 12 step literature about being careful what we ask our HP for. One quote was something like, "I asked for strength, and You gave me difficulties to overcome." Not saying that you asked for this, but maybe there's a reason for this all happening at once, but you haven't learned the reason yet.
Joe, I understand what you mean. I do believe that
my Higher Power uses the worst circumstances in life as well as the best and can bring good out of them in some way if I will work with it. That's the hard part. :rolleyes:

Quote:
Thanks,

Joe
Joe thank you bro.

Victor

_________________________
"I can't stand pain. It hurts me."
--Daffy Duck

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#15860 - 05/08/03 05:02 PM Re: Waiting for the other shoe to drop…
Lloydy Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 04/17/02
Posts: 7071
Loc: England Shropshire
Victor
Sometimes it feels like we have big sign above us saying "dump here" and all the crap in the world falls upon us.
My bad time was crashing my wifes new Toyota Gti in a bad period like yours. ( the insurance on that is horrendous :rolleyes: - and I made it even worse )

But we've learnt new ways to deal with crap now, and I bet you'll cope with it all.

But it still ain't fun is it ?

Dave

_________________________
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.
Henry David Thoreau

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#15861 - 05/08/03 05:15 PM Re: Waiting for the other shoe to drop…
Wuamei Offline
Member

Registered: 08/19/02
Posts: 2700
Loc: The left turn I should have ta...
Matt:

Thank you brother I really appreciate your concern
suggestions & insights.

No fortunately we are not insured with the gecko


We're with the good hands people. So far they've been pretty good to us as far as insurance companies go.

Matt your prayers from the soapbox are sure appreciated! \:\)

Victor

_________________________
"I can't stand pain. It hurts me."
--Daffy Duck

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#15862 - 05/08/03 05:26 PM Re: Waiting for the other shoe to drop…
Wuamei Offline
Member

Registered: 08/19/02
Posts: 2700
Loc: The left turn I should have ta...
Quote:
Victor
Sometimes it feels like we have big sign above us saying "dump here" and all the crap in the world falls upon us.
Yeah, like the world's a toilet & I'm getting flushed!

Quote:
My bad time was crashing my wifes new Toyota Gti in a bad period like yours. ( the insurance on that is horrendous :rolleyes: - and I made it even worse )
Oh well at least all I totalled was my wifes old Nissan Altima... :rolleyes:

Quote:
But we've learnt new ways to deal with crap now, and I bet you'll cope with it all.
Yeah, I think I've actually been thru worse stuff
than this. And without the knowledge, strength, support & tools I have now.

Right now I just feel so damned tired & numb...


Quote:
But it still ain't fun is it ?

Dave
No it's not bro.

But I will survive & I won't back down.

I know too damned well where that path leads...

Dave, thanks my friend.

Victor

_________________________
"I can't stand pain. It hurts me."
--Daffy Duck

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#15863 - 05/08/03 10:05 PM Re: Waiting for the other shoe to drop…
Mike Church Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 01/23/03
Posts: 3439
Loc: Toronto, Canada
My brother Victor

Take a deep breath, count to ten, and think of all the good things in your life right now. You are healing and will never go back from whence you came. (Hey not bad for a guy who cant write englisn)

You got a really great wife and two loving daughters and you are still teaching water aerobics. And that helps you too.

You are a moderator of this site and always have very incitful things to talk about and you are ever there for those in trouble. There are so many here, myself included, who you have touched and helped. So you have a whole lot of wolf brohers who would march to Hell to help you and keep you strong.

You have set a standard to which me all subscibe.

You keep this site safe for us.

You keep your wife and daughters safe

Yes a lot has piled up right now. You will get your accreditation as a water aerobic instructor.

Nobody was killed or maimed in any of the accidents.

Your wife did not eat the tooth.

You have a terrific sense of humour


Quote:
Some more stuff out of my painful past coming out that I’m trying to deal with
Remeber those that do not remember the past are doomed to repeat it. In a way it is a blessing cause now you can deal with it in your own good time.

The past cannot hurt you know unless you let it. So stuff has come out and you deal with it.

If you need help you got a shitload of brothers here to give you support. Just ask any of them.

You are truly the Wolf Pack Leader.

Just trying to give you another slant on your life. Hope it helps.

Your wolf brother mike

aaaaaaawwwwwwwhhooookkkkkkkkkkkkeeeeeeewwwwooooo
New Howl for the boss wolf

_________________________
Mikey

IT REALLY IS OK TO STUMBLE. NONE OF US ARE PERFECT.

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#15864 - 05/08/03 11:49 PM Re: Waiting for the other shoe to drop…
Wuamei Offline
Member

Registered: 08/19/02
Posts: 2700
Loc: The left turn I should have ta...
Mike:

You've made me almost speechless--for once!

Or was that your plan?

You tryin to make a grown wolf cry?

Thanks Mike. It does help, my wolf brother.

Like the new howl.

Victor

_________________________
"I can't stand pain. It hurts me."
--Daffy Duck

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#15865 - 05/09/03 12:49 AM Re: Waiting for the other shoe to drop…
Les_Angry Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/06/02
Posts: 195
Hey Victor,

Sorry to hear life is testing your limits. I think you are in a great place if you can laugh though. When things used to get hairy at work. One of the guys used to put on a paper cape he made out of a big peice of paper and fly across the room on a chair with the back taken off like superman.

Some times you just have to put on the straight jacket and laugh, this is the sound effect I used to play on my computer while he flew across the room on the chair:

its on this web page:

http://members.tripod.com/makko719/movie_sounds.htm

play this file:

cape fear.wav

repeat as necessary

it always cheered us up

Peace
MO Healing


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#15866 - 05/09/03 06:46 AM Re: Waiting for the other shoe to drop…
guy43 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/17/02
Posts: 450
Loc: Minnesota
Victories happen again and again.

Just remember, when things seems to be at their absolute (I'd have one but I don't drink) worse, it'll get even worsererer.

yesterday when I was on my way to work, i stopped for coffee at the local gas/dunkin dounuts and in a fit of extreme smartness, locked my keys in my car. i asked the women behind (speaking of big behinds) if i could borrow one of their cars to go get my spare set o brains. one of them did and she only knows me by my face and super size order of caffeine.

kindness and trust abounds when one looks and asks for it.

ask for help victor and it will come to you.

before i had left that fine drizzly morning, i stopped outside my house and stood there. i just stood there and looked up and down and slowly turned a full circle thinking... what can i notice that i haven't seen before... what can i see that is beautiful that i haven't bothered to appreciate... sometimes just the act of breathing can be wonderful.

jer

mike and everyone else... some excellent words you've shared.


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#15867 - 05/09/03 10:29 AM Re: Waiting for the other shoe to drop…
Wuamei Offline
Member

Registered: 08/19/02
Posts: 2700
Loc: The left turn I should have ta...
Mo:

Thanks for your concern and for the cool sound bite!



"They're coming to take me away ho ho he he ha ha to the funny farm..."



**************************************************

Quote:
Victories happen again and again.

Just remember, when things seems to be at their absolute (I'd have one but I don't drink) worse, it'll get even worsererer.
Hey Jer thanks for the words of encouragement--I think?

Quote:
kindness and trust abounds when one looks and asks for it.

ask for help victor and it will come to you.
Thanks for sharing the cool story Jer. It may come in handy sometime. Can't tell ya how many times I've locked my keys in my car!

Quote:
before i had left that fine drizzly morning, i stopped outside my house and stood there. i just stood there and looked up and down and slowly turned a full circle thinking... what can i notice that i haven't seen before... what can i see that is beautiful that i haven't bothered to appreciate...
Thanks Jer I appreciate you sharing that. \:\)

Quote:
sometimes just the act of breathing can be wonderful.
My massage T was just telling me that the other day.

I have to agree...

...I've found it kinda hard to live without myself!



Quote:
mike and everyone else... some excellent words you've shared.
Ditto! Thanks men!

_________________________
"I can't stand pain. It hurts me."
--Daffy Duck

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#15868 - 05/09/03 11:46 AM Re: Waiting for the other shoe to drop…
MrDon Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/08/01
Posts: 957
Loc: Deltona, FL
Victor,
I saw this yesterday and wasn't able to respond... but. hey man you're doing a lot more than you realize. So make sure you don't take too many withdrawals on yourself and put a few credits in there.... *smile*

But I like what you and your wife did when you just laughed because that was probably the best thing you could have done...

And I want you to know, you ain't walking these paths alone!

Don

_________________________
In order to journey to new worlds, we must first be willing to lose site of the shore.

The Mind Body Thoughts Blog
http://mindbodythoughts.blogspot.com/

Check out my relaxing piano music from the heart!
http://www.donshetterly.com

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