Trev and Shadow,
On the theme of doing it alone, I don't think any of us have ever managed that, though yes, a lot of us have tried. After the abuse ended for me I made it my personal quest to be alone - without really thinking about it. I shut out safe people who could have helped me, and well, I drifted into bad crowds of people who didn't give a damn about me and made a point of showing me that. But I didn't care. I thought I didn't deserve any better.
Looking back I can see why I did this. One reason was that the world seemed so dangerous. So far as I could see there was only one other guy in the world this had happened to - my best friend - and he had been abused with me. Even when we were alone together do you think we ever talked about it? Nope. One of us would say, "You okay?", the tears would start, and we would hold onto each other. But we never talked about it. The sense of danger was overwhelming. I felt like if I let my guard down for one micro-second I would get sucked down into some terrible pit - knd of like at the end of Poltergeist.
The other reason was that I figured the whole thing was my fault. My body had betrayed me, I didn't say no or try to get away, I couldn't protect my best friend, and on and on. I was sure I would get discovered sooner or later and would be thrown out of the house and end up in an orphanage. I knew I would be alone in the end, so why wait for the disaster?
All that was just the old false tapes playing in my head of course. What I really needed to do was to open up, take some risks, and allow safe people to help me. But back then (1963) a guy couldn't really see where any help was available.
Alone sucks guys. There's no answers in alone - not ever. But in a way you both already know that, don't you. Every word you two type back and forth to each other and to the rest of us proves again and again how important it is to talk.
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me. (Woody Guthrie)