Hello, Hangingon,
Welcome to the MS site. I know that these first few posts can be intimidating, but you are amoung a great group of guys here who know and understand. Writing about the abuse history is difficult early on in recovery, because it is dredging up so much pain that has been stuffed down for a long time. Some survivors question their own memories of events because they happened so long ago, and some of them don't have conscious, ongoing recall of them - what I mean by that, is that they are having recovered memories as opposed to memories which have always been in their conscious memory. That's not uncommon, given the nature of traumatic events such as sexual abuse. The mind did what it needed to do at the time, which for some was to basically put a wall around the memories.
If you aren't already seeing a therapist, then I would recommend it as a trained professional will be extremely helpful in helping you move through all this. There's an excellent guide to selecting one that can be found on the main MS web page.
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Eddie
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