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#157950 - 05/24/07 09:40 AM talk
Trevor Offline
Member

Registered: 06/05/06
Posts: 778
Loc: Rhode Island
i wanna talk about something
but im thinking ppl r probly
sick of hearing my shit
so if u are. sorry. just
tell me to fuck off

_________________________
My lamb and martyr, this will be over soon. You look so precious.

Top
#157953 - 05/24/07 10:23 AM Re: talk [Re: Trevor]
Chain Breaker Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/21/07
Posts: 376
Loc: Michigan
Go ahead and talk. You have as much right to talk here as anyone else does. Just go ahead and say your peace.

_________________________
My name is Joe. I am a survivor and a good man. You can count on me.

CB

"[Insert your name here], I am [Chain Breaker]. Do you see that I am your friend? Can you see that you will always be my friend?"
--Wind In His Hair, Dances With Wolves

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#157955 - 05/24/07 10:25 AM Re: talk [Re: Chain Breaker]
FormerTexan Offline
Site Administrator
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 09/12/04
Posts: 11079
Loc: Denver, CO
"just tell me to fuck off"

I reeeeeally doubt you will hear that here just because you need to talk.

_________________________
List of things ain't nobody got time for:

1. That


If I could meet myself as a boy...

Top
#157957 - 05/24/07 10:32 AM Re: talk [Re: FormerTexan]
Trevor Offline
Member

Registered: 06/05/06
Posts: 778
Loc: Rhode Island
ya i know
would be eazier if somebody
would just say that to
me tho. then i could just
get pissed and go and no
care anymore ;(
im just having a really bad
time thinkig about something since
yestrday when eric freakd me out
i wanted to talk about it but
i dont know wher to even
start

_________________________
My lamb and martyr, this will be over soon. You look so precious.

Top
#157961 - 05/24/07 11:11 AM Re: talk [Re: Trevor]
Paul1959 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/17/06
Posts: 525
Loc: NYC
So, Trevor, blurt it all out. don't censor it. Don't edit it. just let it fly. don't pick a starting point, just ramble. we'll figure it out, ok? just start typing.
Paul


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#157971 - 05/24/07 12:33 PM Re: talk [Re: Paul1959]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Trev,

Remember what we did last year? Just take a deep breath and type. It doesn't matter how it comes out. What's important is to let it out.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

Top
#157973 - 05/24/07 12:36 PM Re: talk [Re: roadrunner]
Dewey2k Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/22/05
Posts: 3069
You can say whatever you need to say, Trevor. That's why we're here.


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#157983 - 05/24/07 01:01 PM Re: talk [Re: Dewey2k]
Trevor Offline
Member

Registered: 06/05/06
Posts: 778
Loc: Rhode Island
i talkd to somebody about it an i
do feel kinda bettr about it.
its about that time when eric had
that party w all his frends there
an they spent all day an all nite
fucking my brains out
i wrote about it b4 wen i was
talking to somebody here who had
something like it happen. but inever
really felt anything about it just
felt like i was talking about somebody
else but now all of a sudden yesstrday
and all nite its all i can think about
an d i can feel it and i feel really
disgusting and ashamed an i can hear
them laffing

_________________________
My lamb and martyr, this will be over soon. You look so precious.

Top
#157984 - 05/24/07 01:03 PM Re: talk [Re: Trevor]
Trevor Offline
Member

Registered: 06/05/06
Posts: 778
Loc: Rhode Island
an i feel like im
10 yrs old again
and i hate myself

_________________________
My lamb and martyr, this will be over soon. You look so precious.

Top
#157985 - 05/24/07 01:05 PM Re: talk [Re: Trevor]
Trevor Offline
Member

Registered: 06/05/06
Posts: 778
Loc: Rhode Island
an i wish they killd me

_________________________
My lamb and martyr, this will be over soon. You look so precious.

Top
#157989 - 05/24/07 01:10 PM Re: talk [Re: Trevor]
Trevor Offline
Member

Registered: 06/05/06
Posts: 778
Loc: Rhode Island
an how the fuck am i sposed to talk to
sarah about this? how do i sit there
an tell her that her brother did
this to me?

_________________________
My lamb and martyr, this will be over soon. You look so precious.

Top
#158004 - 05/24/07 03:13 PM Re: talk [Re: Trevor]
shadowkid Offline
WARNING from ModTeam, September 2013: user "Shadowkid" was exposed as a hoaxer. His entire online persona and stories of sexual abuse were fiction. We encourage you not to become emotionally concerned by anything you see in any of his posts. Thank you
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/18/05
Posts: 2437
just tell her dude ,just like you told us ,its his shame not yours ,shes not gonna blame you and she should know what her brother is! heh id tell you to fuck off but youd probably come here and kick my ass!lol im glad they didnt kill you ,im sorry stuff sucks so bad right now ,but im glad you made it dude. now get over that i deserve to die shit ,dude you deserve to live . if i gotta stay so do you! shadow

_________________________
its not hard to fall
when you float like a cannonball - damien rice

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#158006 - 05/24/07 03:24 PM Re: talk [Re: shadowkid]
Trevor Offline
Member

Registered: 06/05/06
Posts: 778
Loc: Rhode Island
hey fuckoff shadow

_________________________
My lamb and martyr, this will be over soon. You look so precious.

Top
#158008 - 05/24/07 03:26 PM Re: talk [Re: Trevor]
Trevor Offline
Member

Registered: 06/05/06
Posts: 778
Loc: Rhode Island
i wouldnt kick ur ass
maybe wen we first met i
would have. but not now \:\)

_________________________
My lamb and martyr, this will be over soon. You look so precious.

Top
#158010 - 05/24/07 03:32 PM Re: talk [Re: Trevor]
Hauser Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/12/05
Posts: 2962
Loc: United States
You guys get along so well LOL


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#158013 - 05/24/07 03:38 PM Re: talk [Re: Hauser]
shadowkid Offline
WARNING from ModTeam, September 2013: user "Shadowkid" was exposed as a hoaxer. His entire online persona and stories of sexual abuse were fiction. We encourage you not to become emotionally concerned by anything you see in any of his posts. Thank you
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/18/05
Posts: 2437
thats the trev i know and love !!!!!!!!!

_________________________
its not hard to fall
when you float like a cannonball - damien rice

Top
#158014 - 05/24/07 03:43 PM Re: talk [Re: shadowkid]
Trevor Offline
Member

Registered: 06/05/06
Posts: 778
Loc: Rhode Island
ya i love u too asshole \:\)

i think my medicine must not
B working rite or something im
all ovr the place!
like real happy then real sad
then fucking pissed off then happy
again.
like an hour ago i
was gonna go jump off the bridge or
suck on a tailpipe.
then a haf hour aftr that i
was thinking about robbing a
bank in hopes that id go down in
a hail of gunfire. now im feeling
happy. really happy. like not
normal happy. ya i was like this
be4. it think its the meds

_________________________
My lamb and martyr, this will be over soon. You look so precious.

Top
#158033 - 05/24/07 06:30 PM Re: talk [Re: Trevor]
shadowkid Offline
WARNING from ModTeam, September 2013: user "Shadowkid" was exposed as a hoaxer. His entire online persona and stories of sexual abuse were fiction. We encourage you not to become emotionally concerned by anything you see in any of his posts. Thank you
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/18/05
Posts: 2437
shit dude i didnt know you missed me that much! heh

_________________________
its not hard to fall
when you float like a cannonball - damien rice

Top
#158043 - 05/24/07 07:28 PM Re: talk [Re: shadowkid]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Trev,

When we get really deep into a stressful situation it can be pretty easy to fall into mood swings like you are experiencing. Tell your doctor about this and maybe he/she will change the medicine you are taking.

Meanwhile, it's good to see you and Shadow back to your old form. lol Seriously, it's so cool you two have each other. Just try to get some talking in between rounds though, okay? \:\)

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

Top
#158087 - 05/24/07 11:17 PM Re: talk [Re: Trevor]
melliferal Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/03/05
Posts: 1159
Originally Posted By: Trevor

i think my medicine must not
B working rite or something im
all ovr the place!
like real happy then real sad
then fucking pissed off then happy
again.


If your age begins with a "1", then being all over the place is quite normal, I think. It's just plain old Life; nothing special. \:\)

But anyway - you really think you could've taken shadow? I'm not so sure...



Edited by melliferal (05/24/07 11:18 PM)
_________________________
Children cannot consent; they can only comply.

Oprah's resources for male survivors

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#158138 - 05/25/07 07:17 AM Re: talk [Re: melliferal]
Trevor Offline
Member

Registered: 06/05/06
Posts: 778
Loc: Rhode Island
ya i talkd to my doc last nite
an hes gonna adjust the meds.

could i take shadow?
maybe if i sneak up on him lol

_________________________
My lamb and martyr, this will be over soon. You look so precious.

Top
#158141 - 05/25/07 08:06 AM Re: talk [Re: melliferal]
pain4ever Offline


Registered: 04/05/01
Posts: 1032
Trev,

I am so sorry your in that place now. I have been in the past and it sucks. Seriously no one is sick of you talking, thats what we all need is someone to talk to.

I understand the rollercoaster...of being pissed and then happy....I turned out, just like others have said, it was the fact my meds werent working. It stilkl happens everyonce in a while but its getting better. Its friggin exhausting isnt it?

Brian

_________________________
Peace and Tranquility all depends on your frame of reference.

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#158143 - 05/25/07 08:33 AM Re: talk [Re: pain4ever]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Trev,

All those bad feelings you have come straight from the abuse; it's difficult to ignore them, but everything they say to you is false. For example, they tell you that guys here are sick of hearing you bitch. But has anyone ever suggested, in the slightest way, that you are bitching? Has you ever seen any sign that we are sick of hearing you? See what I mean?

Remember that letting it all out is a huge part of what this place is all about. I know you remember how you did that last year! This year you need to do the same thing, but you will probably find different ways since you are a year older. But however you do it, that's fine.

Melliferal also has a good point. At your age you are making the transition to adulthood anyway, and let me tell you, it may SEEM like other guys are handling it okay, but in reality it sucks for all guys. Ask any adult here and see what he says. Or for that matter, ask any of the other teens. It just isn't easy for any guy.

Much love,
Larry

PS: On taking Shadow, you already have. You're pretty important to him, in case you haven't noticed. ;\)

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

Top
#158148 - 05/25/07 08:54 AM Re: talk [Re: roadrunner]
Trevor Offline
Member

Registered: 06/05/06
Posts: 778
Loc: Rhode Island
all i really know is just one thing
and thats
14 more weeks to the firts patriots preseason game \:\)

ok seriusly tho i know its all the abuse
talking to me inside my head. its hard
to ignore it sometimes. thats wat the meds
r for i guess. so i guess they stop
working and hafto be inreasd or whatever.
and no nobody here has evr told me to shutup
even tho i try to push ppl to.
i just sucks ;( happy one second and suicial the
next! it fucking blows BIGTIME

u think im important to shadow?
i think he jus likes having me around so he
can make fun of me and give me shit and
make me cry \:\( sniff sniff hes so mean
to me like that \:\) lol just kidding

_________________________
My lamb and martyr, this will be over soon. You look so precious.

Top
#158153 - 05/25/07 09:15 AM Re: talk [Re: Trevor]
shadowkid Offline
WARNING from ModTeam, September 2013: user "Shadowkid" was exposed as a hoaxer. His entire online persona and stories of sexual abuse were fiction. We encourage you not to become emotionally concerned by anything you see in any of his posts. Thank you
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/18/05
Posts: 2437
damn right your important to me!your the only one that dont walk around on eggshells with me ,heh you remind me a lot of somebody i know lol! me! but you dont got to be tough all the time you know?its ok to feel like shit some days ,i know i do .guys here call it the roller coaster ,though i dont know why heh roller coasters are supposed to be fun but this one sure aint. seems like after a while the suicidal days get less ,but no they dont just go away. i think we do the tough thing cause thats how we got to be with people you know?hey im tough i dont need any help ,i can do this by myself .but maybe we cant you know?i dont think its wussy or anything to need help with this shit.maybe the toughest guys are the ones that need help the most? heh if i told you to shut up you wouldnt anyway!!!!!!lol

_________________________
its not hard to fall
when you float like a cannonball - damien rice

Top
#158157 - 05/25/07 09:44 AM Re: talk [Re: shadowkid]
Trevor Offline
Member

Registered: 06/05/06
Posts: 778
Loc: Rhode Island
well ther u go again upsetting me \:\(

i know wat ur saying. sarah was kindof trying
to say something like that the othr nite, she
was saying that i dont hafto do this alone.
but wat the fuck dude ive ALWAYS

_________________________
My lamb and martyr, this will be over soon. You look so precious.

Top
#158158 - 05/25/07 09:45 AM Re: talk [Re: Trevor]
Trevor Offline
Member

Registered: 06/05/06
Posts: 778
Loc: Rhode Island
done it alone.
so its hard to let ppl help all of
a sudden.
like im tellin u shit that u
aredy know and ur rite if u did tell me
to shut up id just talk more so...

_________________________
My lamb and martyr, this will be over soon. You look so precious.

Top
#158159 - 05/25/07 09:49 AM Re: talk [Re: Trevor]
Trevor Offline
Member

Registered: 06/05/06
Posts: 778
Loc: Rhode Island
an ur rite on doing the tough thing cuz
its just like how we had to be.
anyways. wen i turn 21 we should have
some beers. then u can tell me to shut the fuck
up in person and i can tell u to go fuck urself
somemore in person. it'll be fun \:\)
but i wont be 21 for 3 more years.
u might be too old fat lazy and bald by then
to want to go out. lolololol

_________________________
My lamb and martyr, this will be over soon. You look so precious.

Top
#158160 - 05/25/07 10:01 AM Re: talk [Re: Trevor]
shadowkid Offline
WARNING from ModTeam, September 2013: user "Shadowkid" was exposed as a hoaxer. His entire online persona and stories of sexual abuse were fiction. We encourage you not to become emotionally concerned by anything you see in any of his posts. Thank you
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/18/05
Posts: 2437
yeah i know i always done it by myself too ,but lol that aint working is it? we learn its safer alone ,but its sure as hell lonely lol.its hard to believe that people wanna help for me i always try to find some hidden reason why somebody would even wanna talk to me ,but you know thats cause nobodys ever been honest with us till now. everybody had a reason ,everybody was out to get something from us ,and we never knew till it was to late that what they wanted sucked! if we ever got together after we fought to a draw we would just go out and get blasted together. lolhell maybe we wouldnt even fight ,just get blasted lol. trev you are important and not just to me your important to lots of people here ,the hard part is being important to trev huh?or believing we could be this screwd up and still people will care about us ,but they do this place has shown me that . someday when your older all the shit your going through now will be what made you such a strong man trev. we got lots of life ahead of us trev ,if we are not just too scared to live it. someday we wont be so fing pissed off anymore ,but till then if your gonna take me you better pack a lunch dude!! lolk?im over here making faces at you cause i know you cant get to me lol.one thing i know ,your to fing mean to ever give up shadow

_________________________
its not hard to fall
when you float like a cannonball - damien rice

Top
#158165 - 05/25/07 10:33 AM Re: talk [Re: shadowkid]
shadowkid Offline
WARNING from ModTeam, September 2013: user "Shadowkid" was exposed as a hoaxer. His entire online persona and stories of sexual abuse were fiction. We encourage you not to become emotionally concerned by anything you see in any of his posts. Thank you
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/18/05
Posts: 2437
old fat bald?oh your in so deep now !dude!beers are for wussys its jose quervo or nothing ,if you cant run with the big dogs better stay in the yard lol 3 years?heh your gonna need 3 years to bulk up buddy lol

_________________________
its not hard to fall
when you float like a cannonball - damien rice

Top
#158167 - 05/25/07 10:37 AM Re: talk [Re: shadowkid]
shadowkid Offline
WARNING from ModTeam, September 2013: user "Shadowkid" was exposed as a hoaxer. His entire online persona and stories of sexual abuse were fiction. We encourage you not to become emotionally concerned by anything you see in any of his posts. Thank you
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/18/05
Posts: 2437
your lucky i gotta go work or id stay here and kick your ass all day

_________________________
its not hard to fall
when you float like a cannonball - damien rice

Top
#158171 - 05/25/07 11:18 AM Re: talk [Re: shadowkid]
Trevor Offline
Member

Registered: 06/05/06
Posts: 778
Loc: Rhode Island
ouch dude \:\/
fiting words there!
O shadow, ur my hero
i wish they had a symbol here thats
giving u the finger. thats wat im doing
rite now
u can drink the tequila ill stick to beers
then shave ur eyebrows off aftr ur sorry ass
passes out lol

_________________________
My lamb and martyr, this will be over soon. You look so precious.

Top
#158172 - 05/25/07 11:19 AM Re: talk [Re: Trevor]
Trevor Offline
Member

Registered: 06/05/06
Posts: 778
Loc: Rhode Island
oh and for the serius post
ya, ur rite.

_________________________
My lamb and martyr, this will be over soon. You look so precious.

Top
#158179 - 05/25/07 12:39 PM Re: talk [Re: Trevor]
melliferal Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/03/05
Posts: 1159
It only seems hard to let people help.

Think about going swimming. If it's a hot day, the water always feels freezing cold when you touch it, and you're afraid to jump in. So you try to get in very slowly, a little at a time...it almost hurts! The solution is to just say "screw it" and jump in all the way, all at once. Sure, it will feel like someone just poured a bucket of ice all over you - but it only feels that way for a few moments. Then it starts feeling nice.

A lot of guys here don't have anyone to turn to and talk about things. Your sister is practically begging you to let her help. Take as long as you need to to make the decision - but I think in the end, you'll realize that it's worth taking the chance to jump into the water.

_________________________
Children cannot consent; they can only comply.

Oprah's resources for male survivors

Top
#158180 - 05/25/07 12:58 PM Re: talk [Re: melliferal]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Trev and Shadow,

On the theme of doing it alone, I don't think any of us have ever managed that, though yes, a lot of us have tried. After the abuse ended for me I made it my personal quest to be alone - without really thinking about it. I shut out safe people who could have helped me, and well, I drifted into bad crowds of people who didn't give a damn about me and made a point of showing me that. But I didn't care. I thought I didn't deserve any better.

Looking back I can see why I did this. One reason was that the world seemed so dangerous. So far as I could see there was only one other guy in the world this had happened to - my best friend - and he had been abused with me. Even when we were alone together do you think we ever talked about it? Nope. One of us would say, "You okay?", the tears would start, and we would hold onto each other. But we never talked about it. The sense of danger was overwhelming. I felt like if I let my guard down for one micro-second I would get sucked down into some terrible pit - knd of like at the end of Poltergeist.

The other reason was that I figured the whole thing was my fault. My body had betrayed me, I didn't say no or try to get away, I couldn't protect my best friend, and on and on. I was sure I would get discovered sooner or later and would be thrown out of the house and end up in an orphanage. I knew I would be alone in the end, so why wait for the disaster?

All that was just the old false tapes playing in my head of course. What I really needed to do was to open up, take some risks, and allow safe people to help me. But back then (1963) a guy couldn't really see where any help was available.

Alone sucks guys. There's no answers in alone - not ever. But in a way you both already know that, don't you. Every word you two type back and forth to each other and to the rest of us proves again and again how important it is to talk.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

Top
#158215 - 05/25/07 08:03 PM Re: talk [Re: roadrunner]
shadowkid Offline
WARNING from ModTeam, September 2013: user "Shadowkid" was exposed as a hoaxer. His entire online persona and stories of sexual abuse were fiction. We encourage you not to become emotionally concerned by anything you see in any of his posts. Thank you
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/18/05
Posts: 2437
shave off my eyebrows?!thats cold lol!did you know if you do that it grows back as a unibrow? lol. hey mel is right about your sis ,i think she will help if you let her,heh but they sure can piss you off while they are trying to help! if you pass out first can you say mohawk? shadow

_________________________
its not hard to fall
when you float like a cannonball - damien rice

Top
#158220 - 05/25/07 09:19 PM Re: talk [Re: shadowkid]
shadowkid Offline
WARNING from ModTeam, September 2013: user "Shadowkid" was exposed as a hoaxer. His entire online persona and stories of sexual abuse were fiction. We encourage you not to become emotionally concerned by anything you see in any of his posts. Thank you
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/18/05
Posts: 2437
hey trev if you get bored you can go out and look at the stars ,if your lucky maybe you'll see uranus lol!

_________________________
its not hard to fall
when you float like a cannonball - damien rice

Top
#158323 - 05/26/07 05:23 PM Re: talk [Re: shadowkid]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
I know I have to hang around and see what the response to these two posts will be. Where's my popcorn?

Much munching,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

Top
#158334 - 05/26/07 06:04 PM Re: talk [Re: roadrunner]
FormerTexan Offline
Site Administrator
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 09/12/04
Posts: 11079
Loc: Denver, CO
(handing the popcorn to Larry whilst sipping a Coke)

_________________________
List of things ain't nobody got time for:

1. That


If I could meet myself as a boy...

Top
#158405 - 05/26/07 09:44 PM Re: talk [Re: FormerTexan]
shadowkid Offline
WARNING from ModTeam, September 2013: user "Shadowkid" was exposed as a hoaxer. His entire online persona and stories of sexual abuse were fiction. We encourage you not to become emotionally concerned by anything you see in any of his posts. Thank you
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/18/05
Posts: 2437
trev hope your ok buddy

_________________________
its not hard to fall
when you float like a cannonball - damien rice

Top
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