ya i talkd to my doc last nite
an hes gonna adjust the meds.

could i take shadow?
maybe if i sneak up on him lol

Trev,

I am so sorry your in that place now. I have been in the past and it sucks. Seriously no one is sick of you talking, thats what we all need is someone to talk to.

I understand the rollercoaster...of being pissed and then happy....I turned out, just like others have said, it was the fact my meds werent working. It stilkl happens everyonce in a while but its getting better. Its friggin exhausting isnt it?

Brian

Trev,

All those bad feelings you have come straight from the abuse; it's difficult to ignore them, but everything they say to you is false. For example, they tell you that guys here are sick of hearing you bitch. But has anyone ever suggested, in the slightest way, that you are bitching? Has you ever seen any sign that we are sick of hearing you? See what I mean?

Remember that letting it all out is a huge part of what this place is all about. I know you remember how you did that last year! This year you need to do the same thing, but you will probably find different ways since you are a year older. But however you do it, that's fine.

Melliferal also has a good point. At your age you are making the transition to adulthood anyway, and let me tell you, it may SEEM like other guys are handling it okay, but in reality it sucks for all guys. Ask any adult here and see what he says. Or for that matter, ask any of the other teens. It just isn't easy for any guy.

Much love,
Larry

PS: On taking Shadow, you already have. You're pretty important to him, in case you haven't noticed.

all i really know is just one thing
and thats
14 more weeks to the firts patriots preseason game

ok seriusly tho i know its all the abuse
talking to me inside my head. its hard
to ignore it sometimes. thats wat the meds
r for i guess. so i guess they stop
working and hafto be inreasd or whatever.
and no nobody here has evr told me to shutup
even tho i try to push ppl to.
i just sucks ;( happy one second and suicial the
next! it fucking blows BIGTIME

u think im important to shadow?
i think he jus likes having me around so he
can make fun of me and give me shit and
make me cry sniff sniff hes so mean
to me like that lol just kidding

damn right your important to me!your the only one that dont walk around on eggshells with me ,heh you remind me a lot of somebody i know lol! me! but you dont got to be tough all the time you know?its ok to feel like shit some days ,i know i do .guys here call it the roller coaster ,though i dont know why heh roller coasters are supposed to be fun but this one sure aint. seems like after a while the suicidal days get less ,but no they dont just go away. i think we do the tough thing cause thats how we got to be with people you know?hey im tough i dont need any help ,i can do this by myself .but maybe we cant you know?i dont think its wussy or anything to need help with this shit.maybe the toughest guys are the ones that need help the most? heh if i told you to shut up you wouldnt anyway!!!!!!lol

well ther u go again upsetting me

i know wat ur saying. sarah was kindof trying
to say something like that the othr nite, she
was saying that i dont hafto do this alone.
but wat the fuck dude ive ALWAYS

done it alone.
so its hard to let ppl help all of
a sudden.
like im tellin u shit that u
aredy know and ur rite if u did tell me
to shut up id just talk more so...

an ur rite on doing the tough thing cuz
its just like how we had to be.
anyways. wen i turn 21 we should have
some beers. then u can tell me to shut the fuck
up in person and i can tell u to go fuck urself
somemore in person. it'll be fun
but i wont be 21 for 3 more years.
u might be too old fat lazy and bald by then
to want to go out. lolololol

yeah i know i always done it by myself too ,but lol that aint working is it? we learn its safer alone ,but its sure as hell lonely lol.its hard to believe that people wanna help for me i always try to find some hidden reason why somebody would even wanna talk to me ,but you know thats cause nobodys ever been honest with us till now. everybody had a reason ,everybody was out to get something from us ,and we never knew till it was to late that what they wanted sucked! if we ever got together after we fought to a draw we would just go out and get blasted together. lolhell maybe we wouldnt even fight ,just get blasted lol. trev you are important and not just to me your important to lots of people here ,the hard part is being important to trev huh?or believing we could be this screwd up and still people will care about us ,but they do this place has shown me that . someday when your older all the shit your going through now will be what made you such a strong man trev. we got lots of life ahead of us trev ,if we are not just too scared to live it. someday we wont be so fing pissed off anymore ,but till then if your gonna take me you better pack a lunch dude!! lolk?im over here making faces at you cause i know you cant get to me lol.one thing i know ,your to fing mean to ever give up shadow

old fat bald?oh your in so deep now !dude!beers are for wussys its jose quervo or nothing ,if you cant run with the big dogs better stay in the yard lol 3 years?heh your gonna need 3 years to bulk up buddy lol