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#157663 - 05/23/07 02:50 AM not being listened too or believed
hereforus Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/06/07
Posts: 82
Loc: usa
I hate not being listend to or believed. i know this is from my abuse, but my question is not being listened to and not being believed one in the same thing or are they different?

_________________________
"I will never forget, nor shall I choose too remember."

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#157665 - 05/23/07 04:20 AM Re: not being listened too or believed [Re: hereforus]
markgreyblue Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/19/03
Posts: 5400
Loc: Pasadena, CA
sometimes we need to say things several ways for people to understand them -

it's true - i learned this at work -

when delivering meetings -

i really had to say it so many different ways - it's very frustrating -

_________________________
"...do not look outside yourself for the leader."
-wisdom of the hopi elders

"...the sign of a true leader is service..." - anonymous



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#157669 - 05/23/07 05:27 AM Re: not being listened too or believed [Re: markgreyblue]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Hereforus,

Your question got me thinking last night, and after a bit of sleep I have this sense of what I want to say about this. I think the feelings of not being listened to and not being believed come from the same place - that feeling of unworthiness that many survivors have.

That is, when we figure we aren't being listened to, our real fear is that we aren't WORTH listening to. I remember feeling that way a lot. I would talk to someone, and their response would be to offer solutions. But that wasn't what I wanted. I just wanted someone to listen. When I thought I wasn't being listened to, the old fear that talking would never help just welled up inside me. My story wasn't worth telling. I was a grownup's sex toy because that's all I deserved. What was there to hear or care about?

Same with being believed. I have to tell you that with all the progress (I think) I have made this one still haunts me. So many times I have hesitated to talk to someone I 100% trust...all because I think there is no way he could ever believe what I need to talk about. And that goes back, again, to that old boyhood feeling of worthlessness. I'm not worthy of belief and all the things belief would bring (support, love, caring, comfort), just as I'm not worth being listened to.

Does this help at all? The bottom line, of course, is that we are all worthy of both these things: being heard and being believed. It's only the old tapes from the abuse days that prevent us from really trusting in that fact.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#157675 - 05/23/07 07:19 AM Re: not being listened too or believed [Re: hereforus]
Morning Star Offline
Member

Registered: 12/21/04
Posts: 1124
Loc: Home
Hereforus,

Whom do you want to listen to you and believe you? And why do you still want to give away your power to 'them'?

Now you have grown up and can listen to yourself, and validate your experiences yourself, very well. And know that it is enough.


Love n Light
Morning Star

_________________________
~ It's over!...Let go of Thy Past, Remember Thy Self ~

Why Don't People Heal, by Caroline Myss; 30 days to clean up your vibrations - Abraham-Hicks

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#157904 - 05/23/07 09:08 PM Re: not being listened too or believed [Re: Morning Star]
hereforus Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/06/07
Posts: 82
Loc: usa
i want my boss to listen to me. she is blamming me for something i have been trying to tell her for two days..............good point. its her problem if she didnt listen. relaps well ill learn from it and move on.

_________________________
"I will never forget, nor shall I choose too remember."

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#157934 - 05/24/07 01:49 AM Re: not being listened too or believed [Re: hereforus]
OKIE MIKE Offline
Member

Registered: 02/13/04
Posts: 982
Loc: HULBERT OK
I was not believed , when I reported my rape almost 30 years ago . It was the most devistating thing in my life. It took 25 years to prove my case . I am still looking for the SOB 30 years later because , no one would listen

_________________________
MICHAEL

"I HAD NO SHOES THEN I SAW A MAN THAT HAD NO FEET"

"All I can do is be me, whoever that is"

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#157944 - 05/24/07 08:05 AM Re: not being listened too or believed [Re: OKIE MIKE]
Trevor Offline
Member

Registered: 06/05/06
Posts: 778
Loc: Rhode Island
if u never tell anybody then
u dont hafto worry about not
being believed!

_________________________
My lamb and martyr, this will be over soon. You look so precious.

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#157978 - 05/24/07 12:46 PM Re: not being listened too or believed [Re: Trevor]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Trev,

Originally Posted By: Trevor
if u never tell anybody then
u dont hafto worry about not
being believed!


Big hugs, bro, but there's a big difference between saying, "I'm too scared to tell right now", and saying "If I tell I will never be believed". This last way of thinking is kind of like saying "I don't deserve to be believed."

But we all deserve to be believed. I know you will see that one day. Look at all the other things you have achieved, things you never thought you would be able to do. One day you will do this one too. You will know you deserve to be believed.

Not just believed, but supported, understood, helped, and loved just as you, as you are right now.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#157980 - 05/24/07 12:50 PM Re: not being listened too or believed [Re: roadrunner]
markgreyblue Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/19/03
Posts: 5400
Loc: Pasadena, CA
yeah morning star -

true herefor us -

people will take that power from you -

_________________________
"...do not look outside yourself for the leader."
-wisdom of the hopi elders

"...the sign of a true leader is service..." - anonymous



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#158274 - 05/26/07 08:15 AM Re: not being listened too or believed [Re: markgreyblue]
hangingon Offline
Guest

Registered: 05/22/07
Posts: 34
Loc: Canada
It took four years for me to finaly find someone who believed my story since it was of a historical nature. My story came back to me in the form of flashbacks 4 years ago I was 2 when this all happened im now 49 it feels like yesterday sometimes. the difficulty I think was that my memories were so graphic and percise that how could a two year old retain all this. The profesionals start to question you you start to question your self. You realize there is no way anyone could make this up and you look for validation anywhere you can find it. Being believed for the first time was a huge burden lifted.The feeling of being misunderstood and believed are two different things but are closely linked in the way we feel about ourselves.


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