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#15741 - 01/25/04 07:02 PM None for myself, trigger
Leosha Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/18/03
Posts: 3614
Loc: Right here
Just finished to respond to all these posts here that I could respond to. But with all those words. I have none to myself. I was feeling better this morning, physically. I got cortisone shot done in my leg, so can move better. Started on new antibiotics for pneumonia. Was feeling some better, even was able to have some fun this morning with some friends. But then all the bad thoughts and voices come back at me. I feel going crazy again, I feel caught in the past again, hearing those voices telling me to hurt myself, telling me bad things of myself, and I have no words for myself to stop that. I am tired, and everything hurts mentally and physically. And I do not want to have to keep working or fighting for this, that is such crap, that WE are the ones who have to worth through this. When is it enough? When is all the shit enough? To dam tired and can not do this forever.

leosha

_________________________
Avatar photo in memory of my younger brother Makar.

"Human salvation lies in the hands of the creatively maladjusted."~~~Martin Luther King Jr., 1963

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#15742 - 01/25/04 07:19 PM Re: None for myself, trigger
theo Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/28/03
Posts: 1117
leosha,
i understand perfectly. it has been really difficult for me lately as well. i find i have little to give when i am here and am grateful for the little that i do have to offer. a lot of the stuff going on with me right now makes many things really sensitive right now so i have to pick and choose to keep myself safe. we are always told here to take care of ourselves first because if we reach out too far then there is nothing left face our own. take care, leo.

_________________________
journey well,
theo dewolfe

- It is gift, and gift will find its way
- I inherit through my choice. I build through my affirmation. It is through my freedom that I nurture, or fade into autonomy
- I was not given to serve life, but to embrace it

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#15743 - 01/25/04 07:42 PM Re: None for myself, trigger
RICK57 Offline
Member

Registered: 12/31/03
Posts: 1611
Loc: ENGLAND
Leosha / Theo - when I first came here, I got so much support from good people including yourselves. I felt that I had to return that support by answering every posting that I read. Now - I read most of them but post replies when I think I have something constructive to say. I conserve some of my energy for next time, and that's OK

Let's all pace ourselves, that way we can be of constant support to each other. Remember there are over 1600 people that come to this site, each of us individually could not possibly expect to respond to all of the others, although we may want to.

Best wishes to you both..take it easy ..Rik

_________________________
*Never look down on anybody unless you're helping them up.
*I was seeking a way of expressing my anger - I found hope!
*There are many battles before the war is won! It can be won!

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#15744 - 01/25/04 08:40 PM Re: None for myself, trigger
bountiful1 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/24/03
Posts: 52
Loc: New York, New York, USA
Hi Leosha.

I too find that I can get overwhellmed by looking at this stuff too much. Both with regards to myself, and in reading the stories of others. I have to remind myself to post when I have a strong feeling that I need to express to or for the person who started the post, and to not overdo it - either with looking at my own stuff or others. Sometimes it is okay to not look at it at all. (I ahve to remind myself of that every day). It is emotionally challenging stuff.

I have been very grateful for much of what you have sent to me. I am also very happy to look at what you have to say about your experience. If you need to take time away for yourself, that makes me happy. I want you to be okay as much as I want me to be okay.

If you feel overwhellmed - find comforting things to do for yourself. (I don't mean to give advice or comment here. I just want you to understand that I have the same experience sometimes). Care for yourself - I know you do it for some others - do the same for yourself. You've practiced it!!! Sometimes, the thoughts and feelings are going to come out of nowhere and for no reason. If they could figure that out - we'd better be the first to hear about it!!!

I for one totally respect that we are doing the best that we can here, and that having this is a blessing. Whenever you need to just take it easy with all this stuff, go for it. I respect that you are doing what you need to do. And that makes me happy.

Best,

Asher

_________________________
I do not know what signature means in 300 words. I am guessing some thoughts?

Great book that captures the truth of PTSD: The Sentimentalists by Skibsrud

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#15745 - 01/25/04 09:20 PM Re: None for myself, trigger
scarman Offline
Member

Registered: 01/09/04
Posts: 74
Loc: London On Canada
sometimes we get so worked up by all the shit everyone is dealing with that we forget we are struggling with it ourselves,(maybe that's the point). I find I get alot of satifaction out of helping others,( my career revolves around it). So, when I see someone in need,I want to help them, by offering my responses here. I've often found myself up really late at night saying just one more....

We do have to take things in stride, and pace ourselves. This is it for me tonight. I'll check back tommorrow. Hope everyone sleeps well tonight.

I look forward to reading from my brothers another day.

peace and love \:\)

shawn

_________________________
scarman stands for the tatoos I have, and also the emotional scars I've accumulated from my past.

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#15746 - 01/26/04 12:45 AM Re: None for myself, trigger
IrishKipley Offline
Member

Registered: 09/17/03
Posts: 45
Loc: Eastern US
Leosha

i appreciate the response you gave to my post and im sorry you are feeling so drained for yourself right now. i know how it feels to start hearing those voices, telling you to hurt yourself or that you aren't a worthy person. the most important thing for you to know is that those voices are telling lies. try and keep focused (i know it is soooo difficult) on the truths about yourself. you are a special, kind, courageous person who is deserving of good things. it is hard to calm those urges that you have to hurt yourself, but try and remember that by listening to the voices you are actually doing more harm to yourself, and nobody wants that. you always give me such inspiration with your words and encouragements when i post and i just want you to know you are a valuable human being. hang in there brother, there is a light at the end of these dark tunnels.

Kip


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#15747 - 01/26/04 09:35 AM Re: None for myself, trigger
crisispoint Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/24/03
Posts: 2154
Loc: Massachusetts
Leo,

That you reached out to me when you yourself are feeling down means the world to me.

Just like you told me, save some of your compassion for yourself. You ARE worth the effort, and I need to remind myself of that everyday lately.

Brother, we're here for each other.

Peace (I mean it) and love, Leo,

Scot

_________________________
There are reasons I'm taking medication. They're called "other people." - Me, displaying my anti-social tendancies

fromacuriousmind.blogspot.com
malehurtandsurvive.blogspot.com

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#15748 - 01/26/04 07:37 PM Re: None for myself, trigger
Bill_1965 Offline
Chat Mod Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/29/03
Posts: 1983
Loc: Flint, Michigan
Leosha,

Take care of yourself. Rest, eat, be merry. Physical ailments are draining, both physically and emotionally. I appreciate all the kind words and encouragement you give all. You are very deserving of them too. Let yourself know that you are deserving.

The bad thoughts and voices telling you all kinds of lies are not yours, they are those of your perps. You say you have no words to stop them, I can think of a few and know there are many more: I am good. I am worthy of good things. I am worthy of happiness. I am worthy of success. I am worthy of true friendship. I am worthy of love. I am a great person. Those and more apply to you. Tell those thoughts and voices that, let them know the truth, You are worthy!

Rest, relax, and have fun,
Bill

_________________________
Pain is Temporary; Quitting lasts Forever. - Lance Armstrong

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#15749 - 01/26/04 08:59 PM Re: None for myself, trigger
Mike Church Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 01/23/03
Posts: 3439
Loc: Toronto, Canada
Leosha I pmd you. When times get rough remember the teddy.

I am glad that you had some fun on the weekend

_________________________
Mikey

IT REALLY IS OK TO STUMBLE. NONE OF US ARE PERFECT.

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#15750 - 01/28/04 10:41 AM Re: None for myself, trigger
ak Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/10/04
Posts: 1491
I am sorry to not been good enough friend to you. I will try more, I promise. I hope you are able to return here soon. Andrei


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