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#157338 - 05/21/07 05:44 PM Re: Forgiving but not forgetting [Re: RICK57]
reality2k4 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/06/04
Posts: 6838
Loc: Stuck between water, air, and ...
This goes on all the time, the blame and lack of
punishment to those who abuse us.
Is it not time to really see who YOU are.
Little ste. Robbie, or little any of us.

How do we ever forgive? We dont, we leave it to
God, or take the abuser to Court.
But!

How many times did you feel like a dirty little boy?
How many times did you feel like you wanted to tell?
How many times did you feel like you caught a disease?


Lots more but Im tired now, but that is a small percentage of why we never forgive, but we must nurture the man as the boy he was.

And STILL is,

ste

_________________________
Whoever stole the Sun, put it back and we'll drop all the charges!

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#157364 - 05/21/07 08:50 PM Re: Forgiving but not forgetting [Re: reality2k4]
shadowkid Offline
WARNING from ModTeam, September 2013: user "Shadowkid" was exposed as a hoaxer. His entire online persona and stories of sexual abuse were fiction. We encourage you not to become emotionally concerned by anything you see in any of his posts. Thank you
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/18/05
Posts: 2437
how can i even think about forgivness when im dealing with what they did everyday?,maybe when my mind is healed ,maybe when my body is healed, i placed my trust in god to protect me,i wont make that mistake again by placing my faith in him to punish the bastards. for me and only me forgivness equals surrender,it means that somehow i understand why ,but i dont understand why,that there is a reasonable explaintion for what was done to me. there is no reasonable explaintion. even if it dont mean its ok forgiving is still saying i understand why you did it. forgvness should be begged for not just given and i wouldnt do it even if he begged.

_________________________
its not hard to fall
when you float like a cannonball - damien rice

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#157367 - 05/21/07 09:10 PM Re: Forgiving but not forgetting [Re: shadowkid]
EGL Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 06/19/04
Posts: 7821
Great post, CB. I am at the tipping point with forgiveness for some that have wronged me, but I will not forget. I just won't fill my head and heart with them on a daily basis any more once that forgiveness comes. Some of the others, though, still have a ways to go in me.

_________________________
Eddie

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#157372 - 05/21/07 09:16 PM Re: Forgiving but not forgetting [Re: shadowkid]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Shadow,

I thought I had posted here, but I now see I didn't. So I wanted to offer a thought to all you guys, but especially to you personally. My radar tells me you are in a rough spot right now.

Anger is a strange beast. Sometimes we get tempted to rage at the whole world for the terrible things that have happened to us. We say, "I have a right to be angry", and of course that's true. So we fly off the handle a lot and strike out at a lot of different targets. But nothing changes. Why? Because we are angry at the wrong target. We can continue like this, but we will just be spinning our wheels in the mud forever. We will never move forward because we are not using our anger in a useful way.

Rather different is the anger we aim directly at those who abused us, or who neglected their duties toward us and set us up for abuse. As we rage at these targets we find we are benefitting somehow. We find it easier to stop blaming ourselves and thinking the abuse was our own fault, for example. We learn that we can put the old facts in their correct order and meaning and see what really happened. That is, this kind of anger empowers us.

But after a time we discover that even this healthy anger isn't producing any results any longer. It isn't helping us, and in fact it's taking up resources we could use for other tasks.

Shadow, remember some of the times you have walked away from an argument because you felt it was a waste of time? That's what I'm talking about here. We don't have to call it "forgiveness", and we don't have to think of it as that. I sure don't. I will never forgive that fucking bastard.

But Shadow, what I discovered was that anger and hate take a lot of energy, and I needed all of mine for myself and those I care about in the world. So once I was sure the past had little new to teach me, I let it go. I let the abuser go too. I wrote a letter to his dead ass and told him I wasn't going to waste another atom of myself on hating him or raging at him. Instead, I will do the things he most dreaded. I will tell the world about him, and I will lay claim to the strength, confidence and happiness that he tried for so long to deny me. I will show him that he failed.

I hope at some point you will consider this, bro. Not now, okay. But you have already come so far and in time I think you will embrace this idea as you have taken up so many others.

Let's talk sometime. And not necessarily about this, as it isn't the biggest item on your plate at the moment.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#157380 - 05/21/07 10:00 PM Re: Forgiving but not forgetting [Re: mogigo]
Morning Star Offline
Member

Registered: 12/21/04
Posts: 1124
Loc: Home
Mike,

Something quite radical struck me in your approach amongst all above. Taking our power back and choosing to keep it with us, quite an inspiring stance.

Thank you for sharing it with us...

\:\)

Love n Light
Morning Star

_________________________
~ It's over!...Let go of Thy Past, Remember Thy Self ~

Why Don't People Heal, by Caroline Myss; 30 days to clean up your vibrations - Abraham-Hicks

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