Wow...yeah! You graduate, and suddenly there's no plan. In first grade, you know you're going to be a senior in twelve years, but you graduate college, and you don't know where the hell you're going. That's when I got that feeling that everyone else got a rule book for life that I didn't get. I really had no idea what I was doing. It was horrible. It seemed like other people had been learning how to live while they were doing school, and I all I'd had was school.

So I went to grad school.

David

David,

My thought - for reasons I have never been able to figure out - was that I would just continue and see what life looked like when I was 25. The age of 25 seemed so magically mature to me. But then when I reached that age I was disappointed. I had my MA, but still no idea what I would do with the rest of my life, or more specifically, how I could continue to function while I was still so deep into a downward spiral of alcohol and drugs to numb out. That became my first priority - coping with the drinking and drugs. Once I dealt with that, of course, everything else became a lot easier for me to handle.

Much love,
Larry

David,

That rule book we never got...I began to see that SO fkg vividly in Jr High. I could not believe what I was seeing. Peers whom had engaged parents...peers whom already had life-paths...peers whom already knew what they were doing academically...and in sports.

...and I realized...there were NO peers for this lonely little space alien.

Nate

*big hugs to you*

I am very similar to you in that I was the "good boy" growing up. I was the only child from a very right winged fundementalist family. I was expected to grow up, have kids, be married, etc. All the life of a typical hetero person. BUT, I was not. I came out when I was 17 to my mother first. She cried and wondered what she did wrong. 3 years later, I told my dad. He was very upset and placed me in Aversion Therapy with a group called Exodus International.

But, after 8 months in the program, my sexuality didn't change. I still knew I was gay. I still had feelings for other guys.

You are not alone in the lonely feelings. I still have them myself even thought I have two wonderful partners who love and adore me everyday.

Big hugs to you.

Oh!!! Congrats on your graduation! Very proud of your accomplishments.

Wes

I, too, feel like I have missed out on the "plan." Was life supposed to be this way? Here I am, at age 43, and I sometimes feel like I have been living someone else's life.