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#157221 - 05/20/07 09:02 PM Two Worlds
Bobby Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/01/04
Posts: 1287
Loc: Arizona
I have lost my place in the world
I somehow have been set apart
See it through another's eyes
Watch it now instead of live it
Never settle in somehow
Never hit the earth with all my weight
A part of me stays back now
Almost looking at the world
As you would
If you were peaking out from behind a curtain

I'm not afraid of going there
But have been pulled away somehow
Floating just a bit
Not high above
But floating just the same
As if I should hold on to things
To keep myself from floating off somewhere

I'm there, you know?
With all of them
Participate
Laugh and talk and do my work
But have a sense that it's not real
That I have a world that no one knows
Where I am known for who I am
Where I can talk
Be heard
And listen
Understand
People who are just like me

I know it's dangerous
And shrinks would say I shouldn't feel that way
But that's the way it is
I live in two real worlds
They are the same
Two ends of one
I haven't lost it
Not completely, yet
I know just what this is
Just where I am
That the world, in which I float, is deemed the one that's real
The one where I must live
And at last die

But here I am on solid ground
And here, in what so many would call non-reality
I can be all of me
I can be whole
I can say everything I need to say
And be heard
And understood

And loved

I feel it here
And give it freely back
Let them be damned who'd say the love here isn't real
That you can't be loved by men whose names you don't even know
Not on the internet

I am.....loved
And if I'm not
I never want to know

The love, my truth
A need I've had since I was young
And the innocence of love was taken from me
Thrown away
Never to be found again, or so I thought

I know this can't be my reality
Not forever anyway
And I will heal and leave like others have
But I will take it with me in my heart
And friends I've made
If they will go
Too precious to be left behind

Until then
I will be content
To have this be a world of mine
A wondrous place
Amazing in its truth
Its pain
Its hope
Its faith that life was not meant to be what it has been
And better things must be ahead
For those who've struggled through the pain

And I will float there a little more, I guess
Content to hang on just a bit
Until, at last, I take the things I've learned here
With me
To that other world

Where, I, at last, can tear the curtains down

_________________________
I'm healing now, and I wasn't sure I would.




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#157267 - 05/21/07 07:30 AM Re: Two Worlds [Re: Bobby]
george of kent Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/28/05
Posts: 305
Loc: delaware
Bobby, I hear you. I am listening.
Your non-reality (aka "non-ordinary reality"?) is territory quite familiar to me.
Your thoughts and feelings are beautifully expressed, and are gently thought provoking.
Thanks for sharing.
Much love, etc.,

_________________________
"We are only two and yet our howling can encircle the world's end.
Frightened, you are my only friend.
And frightened we are, every one.
Someone must take a stand -- Coward, take my coward's hand"
Arthur Laurents

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#157359 - 05/21/07 08:36 PM Re: Two Worlds [Re: george of kent]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Bobby,

You are so right: at some point what we want to do is tear down the curtains that separate the two worlds. My experience of it is that this too is a gradual process. I remember feeling that every time I left my house I was stepping into a howling wilderness, and then later my T's office felt safe. And so on.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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