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#154795 - 05/06/07 08:39 PM taking the emotional risk
cat lover Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/09/05
Posts: 89
Loc: Denver, Colorado
I want to check in a little bit about how I recently took an emotional risk, which I think shows that I am healing. In 2003 I was date raped or emotionally raped or whatever you want to call it by my ex. Since the perp was someone I was in love with, it took me a long, long time to heal emotionally. And I know I'm still not done with that.


So, fast forward to last week. A fellow I've known peripherally for 9 or 10 years was at a national conference I attended. We seem to have some common interests and values, and he's also my age. So at the end of the conference, I worked up the courage to tell him that I think we should get better acquainted, and he said 'maybe so.' In retrospect, I now know that it took me a few days to muster up the courage because of my past, and also because I know this guy. I've seen him at this same event on and off for nearly a decade - although I didn't know that he's been single for the last seven years. The other part of the risk I took, just to be clear for myself and him, was to send him a card restating the invitation to get acquainted. I haven't heard from him (not sure it's had time to get to his state) but at least I put it out there. It seemed hard to do. But if I am ever going to share the profound love in my heart with someone again, I have to take the risk.

Thanks for listening.


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#154903 - 05/07/07 07:30 PM Re: taking the emotional risk [Re: cat lover]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Cat Lover,

You are so right. I think everything in life that's worth having involves risks - it's just that the risks in personal relationships are so acute and immediate. Whether or not this particular overture works out, you are on the right track to becoming a healthy, caring loving guy again. That's pretty cool! \:\)

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#154928 - 05/07/07 09:30 PM Re: taking the emotional risk [Re: roadrunner]
Nate Offline
Guest

Registered: 04/30/07
Posts: 94
Loc: Philadelphia, PA
Cat Lover,

Thanks for sharing. As odd as it may sound I found this post very encouraging. Risks are so tough and you're right... you are healing. YAY!!!! *HIGH FIVES CAT LOVER* That's so awesome man. I just grinned for you - I always wondered if my fear of relationships was somehow attacked to past abuse/rape. Keep taking risks... I'm sure it'll be worth it. You encouraged me to do the same.

- Nate

_________________________
"Love the moment. Flowers grow out of dark moments. Therefore, each moment is vital. It affects the whole. Life is a succession of such moments and to live each, is to succeed."

- Corita Kent

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#156971 - 05/19/07 11:42 AM Re: taking the emotional risk [Re: Nate]
cat lover Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/09/05
Posts: 89
Loc: Denver, Colorado
Well, it looks like nothing is going to come of this - not even an acknowledgment! Why is it that some men think it's okay to ignore people? Even a "no thanks" would be nice.


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#156975 - 05/19/07 11:54 AM Re: taking the emotional risk [Re: cat lover]
MemoryVault Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/01/07
Posts: 693
Loc: NJ
Hey, cat lover --

I suspect it's because many guys are really avoidant of conflict, and pretend that if they just "disappear," the other guy will somehow forget all about it. I've found that "maybe" usually means "no", "We should....someday" usually means "never," etc.

Sorry this happened--but it's great that you took the risk.

David


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#156980 - 05/19/07 12:08 PM Re: taking the emotional risk [Re: MemoryVault]
markgreyblue Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/19/03
Posts: 5400
Loc: Pasadena, CA
yeah - good for you. well done. i used to be so risk avoidant.

it's good to risk, you grow from it. sometimes just the gamble is worth it, to learn more about your metal.

m

_________________________
"...do not look outside yourself for the leader."
-wisdom of the hopi elders

"...the sign of a true leader is service..." - anonymous



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#157062 - 05/19/07 08:28 PM Re: taking the emotional risk [Re: markgreyblue]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Cat Lover,

Given that this guy has such a different attitude from yours even on such matters as basic courtesies, maybe his silence is no particular loss. I would just say I hope this doesn't prevent you from reaching out to other people in the future. This guy's silence looks like he has saved you more trouble further on down the line.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#157192 - 05/20/07 05:49 PM Re: taking the emotional risk [Re: roadrunner]
cat lover Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/09/05
Posts: 89
Loc: Denver, Colorado
Thanks guys. I guess since it's not part of my own character, I won't understand the 'disappearing act' tactic. If he wasn't intersted in getting acquainted, he should've said so in the first place - or followed up with 'I changed my mind.' As Larry indicated, it does show some differences in fundamental attitudes. I believe in treating people like human beings - not objects to be blown off. Given his profession, I would've assumed he had similar views. But I guess not. His loss. Now to keep reminding myself in real ways that it's not about me, it's about him.


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