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#156560 - 05/16/07 11:43 PM Re: I'm new, need some help [Re: dannym]
WalkingSouth Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/30/05
Posts: 16263
Jess,

I see you've received a lot of input already so I'll just say Welcome! and tell you one more time that you are soooo not alone. You've found a place where compassion, understanding, and healing are possible.

I think at some point, when you feel you have the courage, it would be good to seek some local help in the form of a therapist who specializes in males that have been sexually abused as children. Yeah, I know. That's a hell of a step. I put it off for a long time before finally giving in. I've never regretted it. It's been a hard road but a good one because I've been able to gain an understanding of how the abuse affected every area of my life from my ability to make friends to my perception of my looks, and on and on. The "T" has helped me negotiate the pitfalls of recovery.

Healing is possible, My Friend.

Lots of love,

John

_________________________
“Life’s journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting ‘Holy ____…! What a ride!’” ~Hunter S. Thompson

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#156607 - 05/17/07 08:26 AM Re: I'm new, need some help [Re: WalkingSouth]
Jesse20 Offline
Guest

Registered: 05/16/07
Posts: 52
Thanks John and nice to meet you.

I've been thinking about finding a therapist but like you say it's a hell of a step. I have every intention of making the call and getting an appointment... just can't make myself do it yet.

When you say perception of looks, can you explain that further?

Thanks,
Jess

_________________________
What's so funny about peace love and understanding?

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#156618 - 05/17/07 09:13 AM Re: I'm new, need some help [Re: Jesse20]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Jess,

You might want to start a new thread and talk on your feelings about seeing a T. I can tell you that many of us - perhaps the majority - have been in or are now in therapy, and I would bet that ALL of us have been through the same anxieties you are feeling now.

But as John says, working with a T is a step you won't regret. The issues of sexual abuse can get very complicated and your T will help you make your way along without a lot of new pain and trauma.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#156626 - 05/17/07 09:35 AM Re: I'm new, need some help [Re: roadrunner]
Jesse20 Offline
Guest

Registered: 05/16/07
Posts: 52
Yes but how do I live my life without pain and trauma being a part of it? Like the song says I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all.

Thanks,
Jess

_________________________
What's so funny about peace love and understanding?

Top
#156630 - 05/17/07 09:54 AM Re: I'm new, need some help [Re: Jesse20]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Jess,

Originally Posted By: Jesse20
How do I live my life without pain and trauma being a part of it? Like the song says I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all.


Therapy and sharing our problems with other safe people help us to regain our ability to feel and become whole emotional guys again, but without collapsing into self-loathing and negative feelings about ourselves when challenges relating to our abuse issues arise. We will still be vulnerable to pain and suffering where other matters of concerned, simply because some things in really hurt. What we seek isn't a live without pain, then, but a live where the pain from the past is no longer able to disrupt our lives in the present and hijack our future.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

Top
#156644 - 05/17/07 11:20 AM Re: I'm new, need some help [Re: Chain Breaker]
Nick_GA Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/05/07
Posts: 15
Loc: Atlanta, GA
Hey Jess,
My name is Nick. I am 27 and began dealing with my physical and sexual abuse soon after moving out of my parent's home when I was 19. Recently I have confronted my parent's or the physical abuse and some of my sexual perps.It really hurts when people do not believe you. Or they believe you and get scared and recant. I grew up in a very strict home where religion became fanatical. I think the fact you are starting to confront this at a young age is wonderful. Recovery can be a lon g road. I have found that writing about my past has been most helpful. I think it makes it so much worse when a parent or caretaker is the perp.
you have my support,
Nick

I have a story posted under male survivors it is on about the 4 th page. It is called The Body of Christ, Broken posted by Nick_GA.


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#156662 - 05/17/07 12:19 PM Re: I'm new, need some help [Re: Nick_GA]
Jesse20 Offline
Guest

Registered: 05/16/07
Posts: 52
Thank you Nick.

_________________________
What's so funny about peace love and understanding?

Top
#156758 - 05/17/07 08:59 PM Re: I'm new, need some help [Re: Jesse20]
WalkingSouth Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/30/05
Posts: 16263
Quote:
When you say perception of looks, can you explain that further?


Simply put, Jess, I thought I was butt ugly! I've recently come to the knowledge that although I was no Adonis, I wasn't butt ugly either! I've gone back through some of my childhood and teen pictures, and in truth, I was kinda cute!

My perception was that I was ugly, I hated myself, had no sense of self worth, couldn't do anything right, on an on. My therapist and I talked about this and he pointed out that the abuses I experienced left me with a sense of shame that colored every attitude I could take toward myself. He explained to me that this is the case with most if not all abuse cases. Not only does the abuse rob us of our innocence, but it robs us of our self love as well.

There is hope, and it can only be found on the road to recovery. We're right there with you, Jess, shoulder to shoulder. Some of us are a bit further along on the path, but we're standing with you none the less.

Lots of love,

John

_________________________
“Life’s journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting ‘Holy ____…! What a ride!’” ~Hunter S. Thompson

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#156812 - 05/18/07 10:00 AM Re: I'm new, need some help [Re: WalkingSouth]
Jesse20 Offline
Guest

Registered: 05/16/07
Posts: 52
Thank you for explaining.

I can't say that I feel like I'm ugly but I always feel like I'm not good enough. That sort of the same thing I guess.

Jess

_________________________
What's so funny about peace love and understanding?

Top
#156890 - 05/18/07 10:57 PM Re: I'm new, need some help [Re: Jesse20]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Jess,

That feeling of "I'm not good enough" comes from the abuse as well. A boy who can't even protect his own body from harm will come to some pretty bad (and false) conclusions about his worth as a person and his place in the world.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

Top
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