Someday, my boys will realize
and hopefully understand
why their father was so protective
and made so many demands

Someday my wife will see
what I do, is to protect those close to me
and maybe, just maybe, come to learn
that what i do, is so no harm comes to them

Someday my family will come to see
how the hatred has filled me
and how my wife
has given life back to me

Someday my mom will see the truth
no matter how hard it burns
and on that day, she will come to see
why I hate her, and she will agree
that I had a reason, and I'm justified
to want the people dead
at least until i die

Someday I will come to know peace
but until that day
I will feel the pain

Someday I will know calm
and on that day
god will decide where i belong

amen

InjunE, I have read all of your posts, and I believe this one says to most of your own position, and your statements to your family and others. Your poems are VERY WELL PUT TOGETHER and contain so much of your feelings. As I read them, I only wish I could be 25% of your feelings when you put them together!! I do have the ability to compose some correct memos and letters, but when it comes to writing poems on how I feel or act it is terrible, but I still try. What I cannot "come to grips with" is why the hell are things with me so terrible, even after I have gone thru so much sexual abuse, job abuse, and now being disabled because I was struck by a NYC subway train. I do thank God that I'm alive, but when I try to understand what happened, I always ask why. May I ask you your age, and how old were you when you came to grips with what happened? Me, I'm 57, been going to a therapist for 14 months, but I still want it all to go away, and cry many times a day. While your poems tell of a very difficult past, they do now show so much of you at peace. If you like, you can respond directly to me at my e-mail address -- bosishere@yahoo.com. Whatever the case, you and yours have a peacefull holiday season. Many thanks, bos aka Michael