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#157197 - 05/20/07 06:00 PM Re: Friend/would-be lover...help? [Re: WalkingSouth]
MemoryVault Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/01/07
Posts: 693
Loc: NJ
Thanks, guys --

We had a long talk yesterday. It's been painful, but we're starting to work through it. I don't know where we'll end up, but it feels important to be honest with each other.

David

David


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#157202 - 05/20/07 06:18 PM Re: Friend/would-be lover...help? [Re: WalkingSouth]
cat lover Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/09/05
Posts: 89
Loc: Denver, Colorado
I've read these posts, and since I wasn't there I can't say that anyone was intentionally manipulative or not. It doesn't seem so to me, and I assume that most of the guys posting in the gay survivors section are gay (but I understand not all).

Anyway, I've been on the other end of this scenario. I have a college friend that I've had something of a crush on in one way or another for 20 years. I've mentioned it two or three times in that time (we live in different states) and he hasn't been interested. It got really confusing for me when about 3 years ago, after I had broken up with my ex/perp, he kissed me... I was still numb from the ex, and it took a long time to sink in. So a few months later, when I was visiting his city (which I do often, and sometimes stay on his couch) I laid the cards on the table, stated my interest, and asked him to please clarify his kiss. He sort of brushed it off, copped out by saying sometimes he kissed his friends (right, he'd never done that to me before in 20 years, and aside from women friends I'd never seen him do it to someone else either). So, I felt a little awkward for a bit, but have also found other friends couches for most of my visits. We still email and have dinner when I'm in his town but it was vulnerable-making for me. All this is a long way of saying that I understand what your friend may be feeling from my own experience, and I understand why he may be choosing to distance himself just now. He may feel rejected and not want to be around you.


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