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#156405 - 05/16/07 08:49 AM I'm new, need some help
Jesse20 Offline
Guest

Registered: 05/16/07
Posts: 52
Hello, I'm new here and could use some help.

My name is Jesse, I am 20 years old and I'm a survivor of
physical and sexual abuse.

I've never spoken about it before, never had therapy, never been to a place like this, never even said (or typed) those words before. But I feel like I'm heading down a really bad path right now and need some help.

I don't know if this is the right place or not but I figured I had to start somewhere.

Thanks for any time anyone can give me.
Jess

_________________________
What's so funny about peace love and understanding?

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#156411 - 05/16/07 09:10 AM Re: I'm new, need some help [Re: Jesse20]
MemoryVault Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/01/07
Posts: 693
Loc: NJ
Hi, Jesse & welcome.

Take your time, read some of the collected wisdom stored here--lots of us have been through a lot of stuff.

If you feel comfortable posting more, we're here to help.

Sorry for the reasons you had to be here, but we're all in this together.

David


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#156414 - 05/16/07 09:13 AM Re: I'm new, need some help [Re: MemoryVault]
Paul1959 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/17/06
Posts: 525
Loc: NYC
Jess,
Yep, this is the right place. Welcome. Post your thoughts, feeling, fears, worries all of it here. Read lots of the old posts on here. Chances are you'll see yourself in a lot of them and realize you aren't alone.
welcome
Paul


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#156416 - 05/16/07 09:19 AM Re: I'm new, need some help [Re: MemoryVault]
Jesse20 Offline
Guest

Registered: 05/16/07
Posts: 52
Thanks David and nice to meet you.

I have browsed some of the stuff here and honestly I'm finding it hard to believe this. For 20 years I've always felt like I was so alone in my pain. It hurts me to read a lot of this stuff, I hate that others have gone through it. In fact, I do wish I was the only one but at the same time I'm glad to find out that I'm not. Does that make me a bad person? I'd never wish this on my worst enemy but there's some comfort in knowing it's not just me.

My parents, who are both men and who one of which is my real father hated me. I was a bad kid, always in trouble, always looking and ready for a fight for any reason. Their idea of punishment and control was through beatings combined with sex and torture. I tried to be good I really did but always screwed up somehow.

I'll stop there, I'm not sure how much or how little I can say about it just yet. It's funny though how easily I can type this out here, I could never talk about it to anyone, always keep it a secret, but this is different... you don't know me. Also I'm typing but I don't really feel much about it. Almost like I'm talking about someone else and not me. I've just been numb to it for so long.

Thanks,
Jess

_________________________
What's so funny about peace love and understanding?

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#156417 - 05/16/07 09:20 AM Re: I'm new, need some help [Re: Paul1959]
Jesse20 Offline
Guest

Registered: 05/16/07
Posts: 52
Thanks Paul

_________________________
What's so funny about peace love and understanding?

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#156421 - 05/16/07 09:43 AM Re: I'm new, need some help [Re: Jesse20]
EGL Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 06/19/04
Posts: 7821
Hi, Jesse, and welcome to MS. You've found the right place here to talk about what you need to. And, no, it does not make you a bad person for being glad to find out that you are not alone in feeling like you do. I think that realization is the one that so many men here found to be the greater comfort. Breaking that feeling of isolation in all this is phenomenal.

Talk when you want to, as much as you want to. A lot of great guys here who will understand you and there is no judgment here.

_________________________
Eddie

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#156422 - 05/16/07 09:47 AM Re: I'm new, need some help [Re: EGL]
Jesse20 Offline
Guest

Registered: 05/16/07
Posts: 52
Thanks Eddie,

Not so sure about the no judgement thing here.. I'll have to wait and see about that myself. People are judged all the time.

You're talking to someone who had a gay couple for parents so not only did I get it at home but I got it at school too just for the fact that I had two dads.

Jess

_________________________
What's so funny about peace love and understanding?

Top
#156424 - 05/16/07 10:01 AM Re: I'm new, need some help [Re: Jesse20]
reality2k4 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/06/04
Posts: 6838
Loc: Stuck between water, air, and ...
Jess, take your time in this place,
welcome,

ste

_________________________
Whoever stole the Sun, put it back and we'll drop all the charges!

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#156428 - 05/16/07 10:05 AM Re: I'm new, need some help [Re: reality2k4]
Trevor Offline
Member

Registered: 06/05/06
Posts: 778
Loc: Rhode Island
jesse i like the korn doll
this place is a good place

_________________________
My lamb and martyr, this will be over soon. You look so precious.

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#156431 - 05/16/07 10:12 AM Re: I'm new, need some help [Re: reality2k4]
Chain Breaker Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/21/07
Posts: 376
Loc: Michigan
Welcome, Jess!

I wish you didn't need to be here on this site, but since you do, I'm glad you're here. I'm glad you found us. I am finding this a good place, with lots of caring people who understand what I've been through. That made so much difference to me. Quite honestly, nobody here will care about the fact that you have gay parents. What we will care about is that you were abused in the worst way by cruel and/or misguided people. We've all been there. Some of us have kept this secret for many, many years. It took me 36 years to talk about it! Getting rid of the secret is half the battle, imho.

The key here is just to find your own safety level here and to post only what and when you are ready to post. You will find that the support comes instantly and is sustained.

Best wishes on your journey to healing.

Your brother,
Joe

_________________________
My name is Joe. I am a survivor and a good man. You can count on me.

CB

"[Insert your name here], I am [Chain Breaker]. Do you see that I am your friend? Can you see that you will always be my friend?"
--Wind In His Hair, Dances With Wolves

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