I know the Nao/Heather charade was hard on you. You gave Nao all the compassion and understanding that "he" would have deserved, if he wasn't the fraud she turned out to be. I also know that you gave a lot of yourself in this process.
Trust is something a person earns. By there actions and such. There are so many different levels of trust. Do you trust the neighbor kid to bring in your garbage can? Maybe he will, maybe he won’t, but it isn’t such a big deal if he doesn’t. Do you trust the guy coming up to the intersection you are crossing will stop? Sort of, but you keep your eye on him and are ready to hit your brakes, punch the gas, or maneuver if he doesn’t. It becomes a whole different ball game when we are talking about our emotions. Can you go around not allowing yourself to trust nobody? I guess we could go find a hermit and ask him if that is possible, but then he wouldn’t trust us enough to answer the cave door. The short of it is no, it’s not possible. But, how to get to from the hurt of broken trust to trusting again?
Take a chance. In chance there is the possibility for gain and the possibility for loss. Before taking change, we must first determine if the chance is worth it. At the casino, a place of games of chance, we wouldn’t give much thought to place a single quarter in machine at a chance at a trillion bucks; but we would give great thought and probably wouldn’t place our life savings in the same machine to win a quarter. The former is a case where the possible loss is far less than the possible benefit, in the latter the possible loss is far greater than the possible benefit. Same goes with choices throughout our life. We take chances each and everyday.
Taking a chance of trusting someone and making a great friend has the risk of having that trust broken. Such as was your case with Nao/Heather. Did it feel good before you knew that she wasn’t really him? That you were making a difference in “his” life? That you were feeling? I think it did and that is why you were hurt so much by this. Yes, it hurts to have your trust betrayed, conversely it feels extremely good to have it respected. Opening up and trusting has a great benefit. Something really nice about trust is that it can be built upon. You can put the quarters in the machine one at a time, rather than the whole life savings at once. Reducing the risk as you work towards the big payoff. And still retain the ability to ‘cut and run’.
Judge people on their own merits, not of those that have come before them. Just because some have hurt you before, doesn’t mean that the person you meet tomorrow will do the same.
I look forward to having the chance to talk with you again. Our last chat wasn’t very pleasant, as you already know. The mods here are on the lookout for problems, you may not see it, but they are. If you have or suspect one, don’t hesitate to let one of us know, either here on the boards or in the chat room. Thad, the chat administrator, should be in the chat room tonight from 8pm-10pm Pacific Time (that would be 11pm-1am for east coasters like me and 10pm-midnight for people in, let’s say, Winnipeg) and he is always available by the link at the bottom of the page.
I hope to see you in the chat again,
Pain is Temporary; Quitting lasts Forever. - Lance Armstrong