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#15544 - 05/07/03 12:24 AM through my eyes (trigger?)
tone Offline
Member

Registered: 04/22/03
Posts: 41
Loc: Canada
Looking at Sick Puppy's art work inspired me.

I wonder now, if the adults around me just ignored my strange behaviour at such a young age. You see , Idon't remember all of the details of my abuse, at least not in the sense of a "normal memory", it is more like invasive images or residual pictures like when one stares into a strong light and then turn their head away and the spot of light is still there imprinted in your eyes. I do remember however what i was as a child, rubbing myself onto adults, undressing dolls and using them as theater props in all imaginable positions. I can still remember that clearly , and even then , I had no guilt about it but I did not know why i was doing it. I remember shivering and moving away when my father or any other adult (still do)
touched my shoulders or tried to hug me. I remember the dark shape that I imagined (?) walking down the hall without ever reaching me, never before I forced myself to sleep ( I always convinced myself it was a sasquatch. It's funny that I am not afraid of Sasquatch anymore ( I know they wouldn't do that.
That's enough for now

_________________________
Exchange On a visit to England by Ghandi
Reporter:"what do you think of Western Civilisation,Mr.Ghandi?"
Ghandi: I think it would be a good idea.

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#15545 - 05/07/03 12:33 AM Re: through my eyes (trigger?)
Sick Puppy Offline
Member

Registered: 03/30/03
Posts: 300
Loc: Nowhere Land
I am sure I showed signs of abuse too, but the adults around me either chose to ignore it, were in denial, or were too wrapped up in their own problems to notice me. I remember one time in elementary school when a boy that was older than us had $20 and we were all clamoring to get it. That was a lot of money to us! Everyone was trying to do things for him so that he'd give them the money. I offered him oral sex, carried it out in the school bathroom, and was caught. I was in elementaty school! If that's not a sign of abuse, I don't know what is! The school did call in my mother but she acted shocked and suprised and said that I must have learned it by accidentally watching a porno of my father's. They believed her Or maybe they just didn't feel like spending money and time to investigate!

I think a lot of times the adults around abused children just don't bother to watch for or pay attention to the warning signs.

_________________________
And one day we will die
And our ashes will fly
From the aeroplane over the sea
But for now we are young
Let us lay in the sun
And count every beautiful thing we can see


Neutral Milk Hotel - In the Aeroplane Over the Sea

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#15546 - 05/08/03 10:20 AM Re: through my eyes (trigger?)
zadok1 Offline
Member

Registered: 11/05/02
Posts: 188
Loc: Ohio
boy, i remember my mom catching me with the neighbor girl. i was like eight. naturally, being the boy, they blamed it on 'boys will be boys' scolded me, and made me tell her and her parents i was sorry. after being shamed and yelled at, i wasnt about to tell the truth. i remember mom asking me where i got such an idea, and just saying, "i dont know" :rolleyes:

after getting in trouble i wasnt about to tell her that i had done it before with my abuser, and another neighbor girl. i was in enough trouble already.

what gets me in hindsite, is that she never even explained that what i was doing was sex!!!! i came away just as ignorant and confused as before, only now i was more careful about hiding it. i often wonder, if she had told me the truth, would i have gone on to get so screwed up? a lot of my issues came about because i felt perverted and sinful. if i had felt healthy and normal, i dont think things would have turned out the way they did.

a good post, that really got me thinking.
jeff

_________________________
The world is a dangerous place, not because of those that are evil, but because of those who do nothing about them- Albert Einstein

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