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#155427 - 05/10/07 08:14 AM nothing
Trevor Offline
Member

Registered: 06/05/06
Posts: 778
Loc: Rhode Island
im glad i came back here i missed it
i hafto work tomorow to monday. all weekend. that
sucks but i like having the $$$. sarah
gets pissed cuz i spend it all on bike parts an
cds. but she spends all her $$ on makeup and shoes
so she can just shutup about it! lol
no im glad im working all weekend cuz her family
is coming around an i hate being
around them.
i met up w some frends last nite and somebody got
a bunch of beer an i drank alot of it. i dont know
why cuz i dont like drinking much but i did anyways.
sarah new cuz i was trashed wen i came home but she
didnt say 2 much about it jus that she wished i
wouldnt do it.
yestrday i talkd to larry about my real dad
coming back around. i said i didnt want anything
from him but thats a lie cuz i do. i want him to tell
me why he left us and nevr tryed to come back and
get me and i want him to feel guilty. i dont think its
much to ask!
thers a girl in the owners office for the company im
working for. shes hot. shes way oldr then me.
sarah sed dont even think about it cuz shes alot
older but i dont care. if i had the chance id take it!
but she treats me like im a little kid
oh well

_________________________
My lamb and martyr, this will be over soon. You look so precious.

Top
#155461 - 05/10/07 10:40 AM Re: nothing [Re: Trevor]
Hauser Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/12/05
Posts: 2962
Loc: United States
Yeah, what is UP with women and their whole CLOSETS just FULL of shoes? \:\) My God I have 2 pairs of shoes and they've served me just fine for the last 3 years! It's like every woman strives to be like Imelda Marcos. (She had like THOUSANDS of pairs)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Imelda_Marcos#Imelda:_The_First_Lady


I suggest that you DO talk to your Dad about why he left and failed you as a parent. But choose an appropriate time for that, when you're alone and he won't be immediately predisposed to desperately defend himself just because others are listening to you bitch at him. (I just KNOW you're gonna bitch at him, I remember your "Dear Mom" letter!)


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#155466 - 05/10/07 10:52 AM Re: nothing [Re: Hauser]
Trevor Offline
Member

Registered: 06/05/06
Posts: 778
Loc: Rhode Island
i know like she has 13 pairs of black shoes an
they all look the same 2 me. i dont get it.
ya if i do evr talk to him again im totaly
gonna bitch him out but i dont think he wants
to be alone cuz last time i jumpd him and
swear i woulda killd him if nobody was around.
u know hes married an he has 2 kids.
that pisses me off

_________________________
My lamb and martyr, this will be over soon. You look so precious.

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#155469 - 05/10/07 11:23 AM Re: nothing [Re: Trevor]
Hauser Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/12/05
Posts: 2962
Loc: United States
Was he married to your mom, or was he just a boyfriend with her?


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#155470 - 05/10/07 11:35 AM Re: nothing [Re: Hauser]
Trevor Offline
Member

Registered: 06/05/06
Posts: 778
Loc: Rhode Island
he was married to her
tho theres lots of confusing things like
she told me they nevr got divorced but
hes married again so i dont know how
that works.
i nevr knew him realy cuz i was young
when we left but i seen pictures of them
before i was born. they lookd happy.
i cant help thinking how difrent evrything
would have been if we stayed.
maybe hes the one who left. maybe he
nevr wanted me in the first place?
i dunno
its confusing

_________________________
My lamb and martyr, this will be over soon. You look so precious.

Top
#155473 - 05/10/07 11:51 AM Re: nothing [Re: Trevor]
Hauser Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/12/05
Posts: 2962
Loc: United States
Well, one thing is certain, your situation was much like mine in that neither of us had a solid family or safety net to rely on or be close enough with to talk to if some bad shit (like csa) happened to us.

Btw, who are you living with now? Your sister? I can't remember.


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#155476 - 05/10/07 12:16 PM Re: nothing [Re: Hauser]
Trevor Offline
Member

Registered: 06/05/06
Posts: 778
Loc: Rhode Island
i wondr if he knew all that happend if
it would make a diffrence.
ya im living w my sister sarah

_________________________
My lamb and martyr, this will be over soon. You look so precious.

Top
#155478 - 05/10/07 12:47 PM Re: nothing [Re: Trevor]
Hauser Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/12/05
Posts: 2962
Loc: United States
Maybe it's time he's learned some ugly truths about your life and how his neglect probably contributed to it?

https://www.project82.com/index.cgi?cmd=view_tmpl&tmpl=prevent.html

Your parents (and so many others) needed to do at least SOME of things listed in that link above. They're too many families like mine, that break up out of convenience rather than necessity, then leave their kids vulnerable to grooming and manipulation and outright abuse.

I guess your Dad wasn't "happy" anymore, and wanted out of the marriage with your Mom, without really considering how his absence would affect your life.

I say LET HIM HAVE IT.




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#155480 - 05/10/07 01:06 PM Re: nothing [Re: Hauser]
Trevor Offline
Member

Registered: 06/05/06
Posts: 778
Loc: Rhode Island
ya id like to let him have it that
is for sure. but im afraid. ill
snap again. ill get out of
control

_________________________
My lamb and martyr, this will be over soon. You look so precious.

Top
#155484 - 05/10/07 01:16 PM Re: nothing [Re: Trevor]
Hauser Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/12/05
Posts: 2962
Loc: United States
He knows about your abuse already doesn't he?


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#155488 - 05/10/07 01:41 PM Re: nothing [Re: Trevor]
reality2k4 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/06/04
Posts: 6838
Loc: Stuck between water, air, and ...
You cant ride a closet full of shoes,
nor have much fun with makeup.
You forgot about her clothes, sunbed,
nails and hairdos.

Just L@@K wot we're missing,

ste

???

_________________________
Whoever stole the Sun, put it back and we'll drop all the charges!

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#155492 - 05/10/07 01:55 PM Re: nothing [Re: Trevor]
pain4ever Offline


Registered: 04/05/01
Posts: 1032
Trevor,

Becareful with your real father. I went through a similar situation with my biological father...he disappeared. i wanted to know why and what I found out when I talked to him, I wish I hadn't found out.

Just be prepared!

_________________________
Peace and Tranquility all depends on your frame of reference.

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#155500 - 05/10/07 03:07 PM Re: nothing [Re: pain4ever]
Trevor Offline
Member

Registered: 06/05/06
Posts: 778
Loc: Rhode Island
why? wat happened?

_________________________
My lamb and martyr, this will be over soon. You look so precious.

Top
#155605 - 05/11/07 07:37 AM Re: nothing [Re: Trevor]
pain4ever Offline


Registered: 04/05/01
Posts: 1032
The things I found out where more detremental to my mental health than not knowing. What I feared was true and getting the confirmation hurt more than any amount of wondering.

_________________________
Peace and Tranquility all depends on your frame of reference.

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#155607 - 05/11/07 07:54 AM Re: nothing [Re: Hauser]
Morning Star Offline
Member

Registered: 12/21/04
Posts: 1124
Loc: Home
Hauser,

Sometimes parents going their separate ways is much better for the kids than them staying together for years, for whatever reasons, and staying unhappy and fighting constantly.

It causes more trouble and trauma in the family than one parent being absent. As a child I so wanted my mother to just walk out one day, but she never did. May be she never had the courage or may be it was my own dreams. Though I fear the same each time they fought big time.

Today I know that they were both trapped in an ugly co-dependent relationship, which festered over the years, in which they regularly vented their anger, frustration and pain on us kids. In the end we were the main casualties of their marriage, they remained unhappy and angry anyways.

That way there is a better chance of happiness for someone, if they separate, as they are good people separately, they just make a lousy couple, thatís all. I wish they had move one and found better mates and some sort of happiness as well.

Otherwise they both stay unhappy together, only breed more unhappiness together. A switched off parents is worse than an absent one, at least in the later case you can consol yourself and start to build your life on your life...

Nevertheless, our parents did what they did, now its our turn to make best with the cards dealt to us, trying make them understand let alone feel guilt is not just exhausting but futile, because eventually it is our healing journey, not there's any more.

At some point in our life we have to let go of our dream of having a perfect - happy family, and not hold on to our grudges against our parents for being an unhappy or unsuccessful as a couple. It was not meant to be, so its alright to grieve, and then move on.

Love n Light
Morning Star

_________________________
~ It's over!...Let go of Thy Past, Remember Thy Self ~

Why Don't People Heal, by Caroline Myss; 30 days to clean up your vibrations - Abraham-Hicks

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#155611 - 05/11/07 08:36 AM Re: nothing [Re: Morning Star]
pain4ever Offline


Registered: 04/05/01
Posts: 1032
MS,

I completely agree, I was in the situation where staying together for my daughter was more detrimental. The parents think they are doing what is best, however they are truely being selfish!! It took me 4 years to realize I needed to get a divorce and damage was already done to my daughter, but not irreversible and probably not to the degree that it could have been.

I think as a kid of divorce, well I know, as a kid it was hard to understand why my parents split but now as an adult I truely see that was the best for my sister and I. As a kid I thought I wasn't wanted, it was my fault, but that is not true. If my parents had stayed together, what would have happenned??? Who knows but ya know what, there is nothing I can do to go back and change that. Yes it hurt when they split but hey thats life.

_________________________
Peace and Tranquility all depends on your frame of reference.

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#155619 - 05/11/07 10:20 AM Re: nothing [Re: pain4ever]
Chain Breaker Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/21/07
Posts: 376
Loc: Michigan
Trev,

Whatever you decide, prepare yourself for the consequences.

I wish you the best in making these choices and hope you will be able to get what you want.

_________________________
My name is Joe. I am a survivor and a good man. You can count on me.

CB

"[Insert your name here], I am [Chain Breaker]. Do you see that I am your friend? Can you see that you will always be my friend?"
--Wind In His Hair, Dances With Wolves

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#156018 - 05/14/07 08:17 AM Re: nothing [Re: Chain Breaker]
Trevor Offline
Member

Registered: 06/05/06
Posts: 778
Loc: Rhode Island
if they stayed together then my drunk ass bitch
mother wouldnt have ended up with the fat ugly
fucking stepmonster an his kid then none of this
shit would have happened .
i would have rathr grew up w them
yelling n screaming at each othr all the
time then how i did
all i know is i hate them both
i cant decide who i hate more tho
him or her

_________________________
My lamb and martyr, this will be over soon. You look so precious.

Top
#156020 - 05/14/07 08:20 AM Re: nothing [Re: Trevor]
pain4ever Offline


Registered: 04/05/01
Posts: 1032
Trevor,

But you have to enevtually look at the fact there is nothing you can do. We can't go back but just forcus on the now and the future. Going back can open up old wounds.

_________________________
Peace and Tranquility all depends on your frame of reference.

Top
#156021 - 05/14/07 08:23 AM Re: nothing [Re: pain4ever]
Trevor Offline
Member

Registered: 06/05/06
Posts: 778
Loc: Rhode Island
its not fair
why does he get have such a
great life and why do his
new kids get to have EVERYTHING
when i got nothing but shit!

_________________________
My lamb and martyr, this will be over soon. You look so precious.

Top
#156023 - 05/14/07 08:31 AM Re: nothing [Re: Trevor]
pain4ever Offline


Registered: 04/05/01
Posts: 1032
Trevor,

Its terrible I know. I delt with it as a kid but there is not much you can do to change it, so channel your anger into something constructive to your healing. IT'S NOT FAIR...thats what I used to scream but you know what, there is nothing you can really do about it....is there??

_________________________
Peace and Tranquility all depends on your frame of reference.

Top
#156025 - 05/14/07 08:34 AM Re: nothing [Re: pain4ever]
Trevor Offline
Member

Registered: 06/05/06
Posts: 778
Loc: Rhode Island
ya theres something i can do about
it but it aint legal!
i had to go to fucking jail to visit my
mothr on mothers day and he shows up there
like all of a sudden he gives a shit?
fuck him

_________________________
My lamb and martyr, this will be over soon. You look so precious.

Top
#156026 - 05/14/07 08:35 AM Re: nothing [Re: Trevor]
Trevor Offline
Member

Registered: 06/05/06
Posts: 778
Loc: Rhode Island
:(i fucking hate him

_________________________
My lamb and martyr, this will be over soon. You look so precious.

Top
#156028 - 05/14/07 08:44 AM Re: nothing [Re: Trevor]
pain4ever Offline


Registered: 04/05/01
Posts: 1032
Trevor....I feel you...I hated evrything that happenned and everyone that did it to me. There is not much I can say but hang in there don't do anything illegal. God knows I thought about it for years!! I tracked down my dad, he told me the truth and it destroyed me but I still had contact and when I came out (Gay) he disowned me. My mom was right...I was better without him...I should have listened.



Love ya man!!

_________________________
Peace and Tranquility all depends on your frame of reference.

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#156030 - 05/14/07 08:51 AM Re: nothing [Re: pain4ever]
Trevor Offline
Member

Registered: 06/05/06
Posts: 778
Loc: Rhode Island
i know thers nothing i can really
do about it an that pisses me
off to. i jus cant beleve that aftr
all this time he comes back around
and treats me like nothing happend
an he just saw me yestrday.
he asks me if i wanna meet my
brothr an sistr and im like HELL no
i dont wanna meet them!
it just hurts
i dont know if he knows wat went on
all those yrs aftr we left or not.
if he does know he oviusly doesnt
give a shit
i dunno
im pissed off about it and confused

_________________________
My lamb and martyr, this will be over soon. You look so precious.

Top
#156031 - 05/14/07 08:53 AM Re: nothing [Re: Trevor]
pain4ever Offline


Registered: 04/05/01
Posts: 1032
You have every right to be pissed!!!

_________________________
Peace and Tranquility all depends on your frame of reference.

Top
#156032 - 05/14/07 09:14 AM Re: nothing [Re: pain4ever]
Trevor Offline
Member

Registered: 06/05/06
Posts: 778
Loc: Rhode Island
ya but it sucks to be pissed
off about it and not B able
to do anything about it!
how come ur dad disownd you?

_________________________
My lamb and martyr, this will be over soon. You look so precious.

Top
#156034 - 05/14/07 09:41 AM Re: nothing [Re: Trevor]
pain4ever Offline


Registered: 04/05/01
Posts: 1032
Trevor,

In his own words..."No son of my will be gay". He is a homophobe. So like I said overall I wish I had never got back in touch with him.

I told him off...18 months ago....and have not seen him since.

Yeah it kills to be so mad and no way to get justice. Find a good way to vent your anger. Its different for each person.

_________________________
Peace and Tranquility all depends on your frame of reference.

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#156037 - 05/14/07 09:47 AM Re: nothing [Re: pain4ever]
Trevor Offline
Member

Registered: 06/05/06
Posts: 778
Loc: Rhode Island
what an ass
i hate ppl like that
i like girls mostly but
one time i told my
sistr there was a guy
that i liked and
she said "thats just the
abuse talking" i still
dont know what she meant
by that but she didnt
wanna talk about it and jus
kinda blew it of f

_________________________
My lamb and martyr, this will be over soon. You look so precious.

Top
#156040 - 05/14/07 10:01 AM Re: nothing [Re: Trevor]
pain4ever Offline


Registered: 04/05/01
Posts: 1032
Trevor,

Ignoring it will do no good. I tried for years and then I had to come to terms with my sexuality. Tough lemme tell you and don't for a minute beleive the abuse makes you gay. We are born the wat we are.

_________________________
Peace and Tranquility all depends on your frame of reference.

Top
#156047 - 05/14/07 10:19 AM Re: nothing [Re: pain4ever]
Trevor Offline
Member

Registered: 06/05/06
Posts: 778
Loc: Rhode Island
jus totaly confusd about
evrything 2 day

_________________________
My lamb and martyr, this will be over soon. You look so precious.

Top
#156056 - 05/14/07 10:42 AM Re: nothing [Re: Trevor]
pain4ever Offline


Registered: 04/05/01
Posts: 1032
Trevor, try to focus on things that are real and current...not the past.

Keep yourself grounded on what is real!

_________________________
Peace and Tranquility all depends on your frame of reference.

Top
#156067 - 05/14/07 11:27 AM Re: nothing [Re: pain4ever]
Trevor Offline
Member

Registered: 06/05/06
Posts: 778
Loc: Rhode Island
im trying to

_________________________
My lamb and martyr, this will be over soon. You look so precious.

Top
#156077 - 05/14/07 12:08 PM Re: nothing [Re: Trevor]
pain4ever Offline


Registered: 04/05/01
Posts: 1032
I used to take a shower when I got like that...the water on my body made me feel what was real.

_________________________
Peace and Tranquility all depends on your frame of reference.

Top
#156664 - 05/17/07 12:24 PM Re: nothing [Re: pain4ever]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Trev,

I read through this thread and I want to say how proud I am of you. I know it isn't easy to talk about these things, but it's important to get it all out in the open. All this crap may seem very scary and confusing, but until you are able to talk about things they will just STAY scary and confused.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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