im glad i came back here i missed it
i hafto work tomorow to monday. all weekend. that
sucks but i like having the $$$. sarah
gets pissed cuz i spend it all on bike parts an
cds. but she spends all her $$ on makeup and shoes
so she can just shutup about it! lol
no im glad im working all weekend cuz her family
is coming around an i hate being
around them.
i met up w some frends last nite and somebody got
a bunch of beer an i drank alot of it. i dont know
why cuz i dont like drinking much but i did anyways.
sarah new cuz i was trashed wen i came home but she
didnt say 2 much about it jus that she wished i
wouldnt do it.
yestrday i talkd to larry about my real dad
coming back around. i said i didnt want anything
from him but thats a lie cuz i do. i want him to tell
me why he left us and nevr tryed to come back and
get me and i want him to feel guilty. i dont think its
much to ask!
thers a girl in the owners office for the company im
working for. shes hot. shes way oldr then me.
sarah sed dont even think about it cuz shes alot
older but i dont care. if i had the chance id take it!
but she treats me like im a little kid
oh well

Yeah, what is UP with women and their whole CLOSETS just FULL of shoes? My God I have 2 pairs of shoes and they've served me just fine for the last 3 years! It's like every woman strives to be like Imelda Marcos. (She had like THOUSANDS of pairs)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Imelda_Marcos#Imelda:_The_First_Lady


I suggest that you DO talk to your Dad about why he left and failed you as a parent. But choose an appropriate time for that, when you're alone and he won't be immediately predisposed to desperately defend himself just because others are listening to you bitch at him. (I just KNOW you're gonna bitch at him, I remember your "Dear Mom" letter!)

i know like she has 13 pairs of black shoes an
they all look the same 2 me. i dont get it.
ya if i do evr talk to him again im totaly
gonna bitch him out but i dont think he wants
to be alone cuz last time i jumpd him and
swear i woulda killd him if nobody was around.
u know hes married an he has 2 kids.
that pisses me off

Was he married to your mom, or was he just a boyfriend with her?

he was married to her
tho theres lots of confusing things like
she told me they nevr got divorced but
hes married again so i dont know how
that works.
i nevr knew him realy cuz i was young
when we left but i seen pictures of them
before i was born. they lookd happy.
i cant help thinking how difrent evrything
would have been if we stayed.
maybe hes the one who left. maybe he
nevr wanted me in the first place?
i dunno
its confusing

Well, one thing is certain, your situation was much like mine in that neither of us had a solid family or safety net to rely on or be close enough with to talk to if some bad shit (like csa) happened to us.

Btw, who are you living with now? Your sister? I can't remember.

i wondr if he knew all that happend if
it would make a diffrence.
ya im living w my sister sarah

Maybe it's time he's learned some ugly truths about your life and how his neglect probably contributed to it?

https://www.project82.com/index.cgi?cmd=view_tmpl&tmpl=prevent.html

Your parents (and so many others) needed to do at least SOME of things listed in that link above. They're too many families like mine, that break up out of convenience rather than necessity, then leave their kids vulnerable to grooming and manipulation and outright abuse.

I guess your Dad wasn't "happy" anymore, and wanted out of the marriage with your Mom, without really considering how his absence would affect your life.

I say LET HIM HAVE IT.

ya id like to let him have it that
is for sure. but im afraid. ill
snap again. ill get out of
control

He knows about your abuse already doesn't he?