For a Poem, not great, but It's accurate, for me, anyway.

The life I lived was hell
But I couldn't wish it on anyone,
Not even my worst enemy
For my worst enemy lead the same life as mine

Most people don't know
If they walked in my shoes
Their feet would bleed
Their soul would burn
They would beg to die

I twice tried
I didn't have the courage
I didn't have the will
Neither to live or die
So I stayed and suffered

I went through hell
I will always be there
I know nothing can save me
Nothing can ease it

I thought, maybe, love could
Maybe having my boys would
For some, maybe it can
But I remain a scarred man

I know I can't die now
My wife and boys need me
But someday I will
Maybe then I can rest easy

I still think about it
Doing it
I'm already going to hell
It's not like I could ruin it

But I need my vengance first
On those that wronged me
I want to show them what they created
The taker of life i can be

For the one that is in prison
It will be cake
Three cartons to his cellmate
Will seal his fate

Another, an accident
Maybe with a gun
He's already a felon
And a bastard of a son

For a third
A robbery gone bad
Two shots to the chest
No one will be sad

The fourth is the easiest
He's the dumbest of all
A trip down the stairs
His neck will shatter his fall

The fifth will be the best
By far the most delicious
A drug deal gone bad
No one will be suspicious

The final is one
Who thinks I forgot
Knock on her door
Cut her throat, Let her rot

Then the idea of doing myself
Will come upon me
But I'll probably lack the courage
Break down mentally

But then I'll be done
The madness will be gone
I won't have to think about it
At least, not till the next da

yes, not till the next day!!!!!!!

makes sense to me

makes a lot of sense to me, a lot

i wish it would make a difference for me to get revenge, in my heart i know it wont, it would be a hollow victory that would just heap more painful stuff on my family, it would be a mess for the kids for sure, my oversimplified brain stil takes me to that oversimplified answer at times, like it somehow will make everything ok, and then the feelings start brewing and boiling over even, and then i get lost in my painful place....

your words say so well how i feel at times

John