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#154824 - 05/07/07 12:14 AM What would you say to my abuser?
Hauser Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/12/05
Posts: 2962
Loc: United States
Well here is your chance. For those of you who know me and my story. I thought I might show you the grave site of my perp. He died in 1994 of natural causes. His ashes were added to the grave site of his parents. I wonder if his parents have any idea how screwed up I am because of their adapted son. His name was Kim Pearce.

This is the entrance and where I parked.


And this is where his ashes lay in the ground.


This is where he is now.


It appears that his sister has been very attentive to the grave site of her parents and her step-brother.

For those of you who don't know what he did to me, you can read it here: http://www.malesurvivor.org/board/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=25445&page=20#Post25445

So.......I'm asking you guys to tell him what you feel about him. Sometimes I feel as if my lack of anger at him is somehow hurting me. Does this make any sense to you guys? I know some of you will be cordial and civil, and that some of you (I won't mention any names) WON'T be so nice about what you have to say to him. I think it might help me to hear what YOU guys think of him. Contrary to what most victims apparently feel, I am not angry or distraught or thinking of thoughts of hurt or revenge when I think of my perp. I just get sad.


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#154825 - 05/07/07 12:21 AM Re: What would you say to my abuser? [Re: Hauser]
Morning Star Offline
Member

Registered: 12/21/04
Posts: 1124
Loc: Home

It is not necessary to feel anger towards your abuser, after all the healing work you have done, with yourself.

Peace, Peace, Peace.

Morning Star

_________________________
~ It's over!...Let go of Thy Past, Remember Thy Self ~

Why Don't People Heal, by Caroline Myss; 30 days to clean up your vibrations - Abraham-Hicks

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#154834 - 05/07/07 04:30 AM Re: What would you say to my abuser? [Re: Morning Star]
pietie Offline
Guest

Registered: 01/23/07
Posts: 326
Loc: South Africa
I dont think it is necassary to feel any anger or rage for this person. I have a lot of anger towards my first perp but yet I do not feel the same about my second perp. There is almost no anger there.

_________________________
Not Perfect, just forgiven

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#154839 - 05/07/07 06:42 AM Re: What would you say to my abuser? [Re: pietie]
MemoryVault Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/01/07
Posts: 693
Loc: NJ
Okay...here goes.

Hey, Kim.

I don't know you or your story. I don't know the secrets of your life or what led you to start that day. I don't know if that was your first time, or if my friend Hauser was one of a long series of boys. And I don't know what you were telling yourself when he was on your bed--the myths you wove in your mind to make it seem harmless.

But I do know that you hurt at least one kid, now a man, badly. You're gone now; your grave is well-tended--someone still loves and cares about you and wants to remember you well. But you left behind another legacy. You see, Kim, my friend Hauser has spent most of his life cleaning up the damage you caused. It probably semed pretty harmless at the time, didn't it? But you didn't just molest him. You confused his sense of who he can trust, what he's capable of, how he can live in this world, and basically who he is. You've been gone for thirteen years, but he's still painfully sorting it out.

You had a choice--whatever your story, whatever your background, you could have left the child (or children?) alone, or actually been the friend you pretended to be. I don't believe in Heaven or Hell, but you owe him more than you could repay if there were a Hell. You're gone, and that debt won't be paid. Those of us who are left behind are doing the painful work of healing the wounds you and people like you caused and breaking the cycle. It's the work you should have done in your life.

We're working to put your ghost, the one you've left behind in our friend's heart, to rest. Sleep well, you bastard.



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#154843 - 05/07/07 08:04 AM Re: What would you say to my abuser? [Re: MemoryVault]
shadowkid Offline
WARNING from ModTeam, September 2013: user "Shadowkid" was exposed as a hoaxer. His entire online persona and stories of sexual abuse were fiction. We encourage you not to become emotionally concerned by anything you see in any of his posts. Thank you
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/18/05
Posts: 2437
dear asshole,while you get to rest in peace ,your victim gets to live in pieces, but your not to blame right?you didnt beat him or threaten him ,i mean after all you only needed to get your rocks off right? just some little sex play ,nobody gets hurt right? tell me did you really like those toys and comics or did you just have them around to lure in your victims? hey alan wanna come see my cool train?your the lowest of the low ,even the animal that molested me is better than you ,cause at least he didnt use my innocence and my little kids heart to make me think im to blame,you were not satisfied with just molesting hauser ,first you made him like you and need you maybe even love you ,then you used those pure innocent feelings to keep him comming back ,to make him carry your shit for his whole life. it took you one summer to cause the damage that hes been trying to fix for 30 years,im sure that you went on with your life ,and im sure you hurt other kids before and after hauser.im sure you never gave a thought to what you did to him,or anyone else .it was all about you right?about your sick perversion.even today he is so confused about what you did ,not only the molestation , i bet you thought you were teaching him huh ?about sex and stuff?well what you taught him was that he couldnt trust anyone ,not you ,not his brother ,not even his parents,you didnt just take his innocence ,you took his ability to feel good about himself . thanks mister kim for showing a 9 year old boy that the world was a shitty place to live and grow up in ,thanks for teaching him that being 9 and being innocent ,was a reason to be molested.i mean after all you were a nice guy right? so nice that somehow it must have been hausers fault ,cause nice guys dont do that stuff do they?i hate you for what you did to his body ,but i hate you more for what you did to that little boys mind,the seeds you sowed there have grown well watered by confusion ,self doubt, self blame, but you know what ,you didnt really win cause even now he is so much better than you ever were ,that little 9 year old boy had such a good heart that he couldnt even hate you for what you did, i hope your soul rots in hell ,and i think its way past time you give back what you stold from my friend ,you didnt take him with you you know?he grew up to be a strong courageous person ,he grew up to be someone who can help others that have been hurt like he was ,he grew up to be my best friend ,so you lose fucker. like i said before you dont have to hate him hauser,i hate him enough for both of us .also how did it feel when he told you i wont do this anymore ,did it hurt to see his courage?or was he getting a little too old for your games anyway? it was suggested that hauser piss on your grave ,but hes not like that ,oh well you already knew that huh?thats one of the things you banked on huh?you didnt deserve to live and you damn sure dont deserve to rest in peace. oh and by the way does it make you feel good that that little boy kept your secret?the only reason he did is cause he had more compassion for you than you ever had for anybody . THE STONE SHOULD READ HERE LIES KIMBAL PEARCE stealer of souls ,child molester ,sad little fucked up man who couldnt control anything except the mind of a 9 year old boy ,i hate you sir,with all my heart. but you know what? the best thing that can be done with you? is for you to be forgotten ,pushed away like a bad dream . the little boy grew up to be a better man than you could have been if youd lived 5 lifetimes .

_________________________
its not hard to fall
when you float like a cannonball - damien rice

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#154850 - 05/07/07 09:21 AM Re: What would you say to my abuser? [Re: shadowkid]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Alan,

I wouldn't worry about the ways in which your response to the abuser differing from how other guys react. Just let yourself feel whatever is inside, be honest with yourself, and do what works for you. We are all on the same path, but we each have our own way of walking along it.

I can't say I ever raged at the abuser like I saw other guys doing, and at first that troubled me. I thought I wasn't doing something right. But that wasn't the case at all, as my T helped me to see. Mine was a kind of smoldering fury - lots of heat but no flames.

I rather like something Shadow says:

Originally Posted By: shadowkid
but you know what? the best thing that can be done with you? is for you to be forgotten ,pushed away like a bad dream . the little boy grew up to be a better man than you could have been if youd lived 5 lifetimes .


I was finally able to set aside all the bad feelings I had about the abuser: not in the sense of forgiving or forgetting, but working to reach a point where I could refuse to allow him any more time in my life. I did all the work concerning him that I needed to do, and now I figure fuck him. Any time at all that I devote to him is a diversion of my resources away from myself, the people I love and want and need, and the things I want to do with my life. I made it a priority to exclude him from any further opportunity to harm me or hijack my life.

This may be something you aren't ready to do yet Alan, and if that's the case then you have to honor where you are and work from that point. But a dead abuser can still mess us up, even from 6 feet under. Mine too died in 1994, and it's only been about a year that I have been free from his grasp. It was tough breaking loose, but man, I would never go back! The taste of this freedom so so sweet!

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#154885 - 05/07/07 03:58 PM Re: What would you say to my abuser? [Re: roadrunner]
Still Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 6397
Loc: 2.5 NATO Nations
to ScumBag who hurt my friend

I hope you see those posts above. I'm in too much pain to put anything like that together myself. Just let me tell you this...

BURN IN HELL!

_________________________
Wish You Were Here!

The Aftermath Video

The Water Buffalo Song

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#154898 - 05/07/07 07:13 PM Re: What would you say to my abuser? [Re: Still]
GWsurvives Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/10/07
Posts: 251
Loc: Atlanta, and here, among othe...
"Hey Kim, you dirt bag... You have hurt my friend Hauser and I hope you burn in hell for it." "Hey Hauser wait just a minute.. I'm almost ready to go... Let me finish pissing and I'll be right there"....(sounds of a zipper being pulled up) "OK, I'm done.. I can go now."

GW

_________________________
"Some times there just aren't enough rocks" Forrest Gump

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#154991 - 05/08/07 09:36 AM Re: What would you say to my abuser? [Re: GWsurvives]
Chain Breaker Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/21/07
Posts: 376
Loc: Michigan
Hauser, you obviously have some very caring and loyal friends here. You are lucky! Most people don't have anyone in their lives who cares about them enough to piss on someone's grave for them or to tell that person to burn in Hell for what he did to them.

All our abuse sucks! And our abusers never deserved the trust we gave them. I am not worried, though, about your lack of anger about this. In fact, I think you may be on a faster healing track than those of us who are really angry. On the other hand, could it be that you have directed your anger inward? I feel your anger toward yourself and toward your parents. But you and your parents probably are not the right recipients. True, your parents may have been negligent, but it doesn't sound like they were scumbags. You most certainly do not deserve one scintilla of guilt or of anger over this. If you are really angry, turn it in the direction of the scumbag instead of inward.

If you feel more inclined to forgive, then forgive. Either way, God has judged him justly, and I believe he is suffering for his sins and will suffer until he has paid "the uttermost farthing," as it says in the King James Version.

You, on the other hand, have the right to let go now and to say, "Kim, I abandon you to your fate and to the judgment of a just God. You no longer have any power here. Begone!"

As for what I'd say to Kim,

Kim,

I don't know what happened to you to make you this way. You have undoubtedly suffered some misfortune or injustice and decided to take it out on young boys. If you were sexually abused, I pity you. But sexually abused or not, you had no right to treat my friend Hauser this way. He was a good, innocent boy, and you built him up only so you could tear him down.

You were a criminal, and you died a criminal. Your conscience must have tortured you for what you did to Hauser. I'll bet he wasn't the only one, either. You are, no doubt, suffering for what you've done. Whether by Hellfire or by your own pain of conscience, you are being punished. And for that, I do not pity you. You earned it, and you will go on paying until Hauser decides to let you go. I take it you did not have any children. Well, Charles Darwin had a name for that: "natural selection." Your genes will not be passed on to poison the DNA pool. For that, I am truly grateful.

Now go your way. You are not welcome here. Leave Hauser alone. As soon as he says so, you will have no power over him. And then you will realize how much better a man he is than you could ever be. Goodbye, foul criminal!

_________________________
My name is Joe. I am a survivor and a good man. You can count on me.

CB

"[Insert your name here], I am [Chain Breaker]. Do you see that I am your friend? Can you see that you will always be my friend?"
--Wind In His Hair, Dances With Wolves

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#155113 - 05/08/07 09:27 PM Re: What would you say to my abuser? [Re: Chain Breaker]
mack Offline
Guest

Registered: 03/07/07
Posts: 101
Loc: new mexico
I don't care what happened to make you such an evil force in this world. I don't care that you're probably lingering in limbo out there right now. What I do care about is the fact that you might someday be sent back here to live another life. And believe me, that life is not going to be worth living. You must pay for your evil deeds and you will. Ready?

_________________________
mack

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#181857 - 09/23/07 10:01 AM Re: What would you say to my abuser? [Re: mack]
BJK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/02/07
Posts: 1526
(I'm resurrecting an old post by a good friend because I feel the need to respond)

Kim,

When I first met Hauser, and when he first started to talk with me about you, I actually started to think about ways that you might have helped me face myself. Can you believe that?

However, I've come to realize that the most dispicable act that an adult could ever commit against a child is trying to earn a child's unexplicable trust so that said adult can later do whatever he wants to that child with the child's trusting consent. We call that "grooming" here, and thanks to what you did to Hauser, I've come to realize how much that kind of manipulation can destroy the life of a child. The same grooming happened to me, and thanks to what you did to Hauser, I've started to realize how much that has destroyed my life as well. And you want to know what? I've had an insatiable desire to do the same thing to others, and thanks to what you did to Hauser, I've come to realize how selfish and manipulative such actions would be. You want to know what, though? I resisted the temptation and you didn't. I have faced the pain within myself instead of transferring that pain to other innocent children. I'll admit, I'm a pretty selfish person. However, when it came to the most selfish act of all, I abstained. That's the difference between you and me. You're a perp, and I'm not.

I guess I've started to realize that you haven't helped me at all. Hauser is the one who helped me face myself by relaying the ways in which you hurt him. For some reason, after all of these years, Hauser can't bring himself to hate you. That makes me so sad, so I'm going to do what Hauser can't do. I'm going to hate you for him. Until Hauser can start putting his life together, I'm going to make sure I say a few words of anger about you every day. You're probably smiling in your grave right now, thinking fondly about how you still have the trust of that little boy you fucked up 30 years ago. That makes me sick, dude.

I guess it's in my nature to try to find redeeming qualities in people, even people who commit acts as vile and disgusting as the ones you committed against Hauser. However, the more I get to know Hauser, the more I'm starting to realize that the only redeeming quality I can find in your personality is the fact that you're dead.

Bryan

_________________________
Revenge is nothing more than another way of perpetuating abuse.

What the world needs now
Is some new words of wisdom
Like la la la la la la la la la.
-David Lowery

Having a friend who will keep a secret for you is worthless compared to a friend who won't keep a secret from you.

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#181943 - 09/23/07 09:16 PM Re: What would you say to my abuser? [Re: mack]
copenbay Offline
Guest

Registered: 09/03/07
Posts: 127
Hi,

I guess I can add my two cents to what's already been posted. Like you, Bryan, I've had bad feelings that I've refused to act upon, since I could never put any boy through what I've been through.

Kim,

I don't think you have a clue what you did to a boy who couldn't defend himself, someone who would become a far better man than you'll ever be. Because, while you could only think about how you were going to take advantage of him, he has taken a much better path, and is now healing, unlike you.
Did you even know Hauser? Did you even think about another choice before screwing with him? Or was he just someone else to use for your own warped purposes? Just because you have certain feelings, that doesn't mean you have to mess with someone. You still have a choice, but you made the wrong one, and those of us who refuse to hurt anyone else can only see you with the greatest contempt.
I'm sad only that you died a natural death, instead of being tormented by the feelings, nightmares and everything else that goes along with being victimized by someone else bigger and stronger than you. Yeah, I'd be tempted to piss on your grave, but I'd rather pour acid on it, and maybe it'd eat through what's left of your sorry-ass bones.
Really, though, if you didn't make your peace with God, have fun being tormented and tortured for eternity the way you tried to torment and torture others in this life. Yes, there is justice, and though it might not have happened here, it will happen in Hell (where you probably are now).
And now you know what happens to people who refuse to treat others as human beings, as people with great value. Abusers like you eventually become reduced to something much less than human, and not even worth looking at, much less caring about.

Ed


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#182092 - 09/24/07 02:44 PM Re: What would you say to my abuser? [Re: mack]
OKIE MIKE Offline
Member

Registered: 02/13/04
Posts: 979
Loc: HULBERT OK
May You be reincarnated as a cockroach .

_________________________
MICHAEL

"I HAD NO SHOES THEN I SAW A MAN THAT HAD NO FEET"

"All I can do is be me, whoever that is"

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#182103 - 09/24/07 03:20 PM Re: What would you say to my abuser? [Re: mack]
kellygtx Offline
Guest

Registered: 07/11/07
Posts: 412
Loc: Texas, USA
Much like Hauser I wrestle with what to say or think about a perp who is deceased. Mine is complicated by the fact we was my brother. Dealing with anger in a family can be difficult when there is sympathy, unspoken, for a brother that died of AIDS in 1993.

What would I say to Hauser's perp? What would I say to my brother? Hell, we PLAYED together - hours playing with GI Joes and matchbox cars. He was my only real friend. I looked up to him! I mean I don't know what to say. How could I express the pain I feel for Hauser? I honestly don't think they can empathize with our pain. It would be so much easier to tell my brother about Hauser's pain. But I don't think they have a clue. And standing crying and screaming at them would I think only add to their perverse pleasure.

But I also feel intense regrett and sadness that I could not, and neither can Hauser, confront his perp. It makes it very difficult to try move on...sometimes you are just stuck. When my brother died my parents flew out in a helicopter and dumped his ashes in the Gulf of Mexico. I hate going to the beach!

(((((Hauser))))) Let go....move on.

Only tears are left now...running down my cheek for Hauser. For myself. And, in a starnge way, for our perps. Sadness that they missed out on many great people whose wants and needs that they used as vulnerabilities whould have also made us great friends and brothers. Yes - sadness for what they missed out on.



Edited by kellygtx (09/24/07 03:42 PM)
_________________________
I bid you Peace.

Kelly

The time is always NOW. Breath In. Breath Out. Move On.

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#182105 - 09/24/07 03:40 PM Re: What would you say to my abuser? [Re: kellygtx]
testingWaters Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/19/06
Posts: 508
I'd say Hauser is a much better man than you could ever dream of being and deep down you know it and I bet you're a little jealous of him for it.


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#182106 - 09/24/07 03:44 PM Re: What would you say to my abuser? [Re: testingWaters]
testingWaters Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/19/06
Posts: 508
In fact if you PM his gravesite I'd be happy to drop by and tell him that in person if I'm ever in his neck of the woods. Seriously.


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#182107 - 09/24/07 03:56 PM Re: What would you say to my abuser? [Re: OKIE MIKE]
MarkK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/02/07
Posts: 2502
Loc: Denver, CO
Originally Posted By: OKIE MIKE
May You be reincarnated as a cockroach


YES YES YES!

Thanx for the smile, Mike!

WooHoo - I LOVE IT


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#182108 - 09/24/07 04:14 PM Re: What would you say to my abuser? [Re: MarkK]
kellygtx Offline
Guest

Registered: 07/11/07
Posts: 412
Loc: Texas, USA
I have something better -

May you be reincarnated as a CARING HUMAN BEING...who can feel our pain.



Edited by kellygtx (09/24/07 04:18 PM)
_________________________
I bid you Peace.

Kelly

The time is always NOW. Breath In. Breath Out. Move On.

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#182286 - 09/25/07 12:50 PM Re: What would you say to my abuser? [Re: kellygtx]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
This thread comes back to my attention at a time when some pretty big issues about abuse in general are in my mind. Probably too broad to explore here, and certainly too far off Alan's topic.

But I wonder if Alan's abuser, and how many others, ever came to understand the enormity of what they have done. I can't imagine how anyone could live with a genuine knowledge of the hell to which they condemned an innocent child, or perhaps many innocent kids. Perhaps that would be the ultimate punishment - to understand what they are responsible for.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#182598 - 09/26/07 10:19 PM Re: What would you say to my abuser? [Re: roadrunner]
Derdlecar Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/08/05
Posts: 1314
Loc: Ogden Utah, USA
I've been very quiet on the discussion board of late but here I feel that I cannot be quiet.

My friend, Hauser, tells your name but I say may your name be forever forgotten because you won the trust of a small boy and betrayed that trust. There is no excuse for what you did, none at all. I know the feeling of a small trusting hand in mine. I know what it feels like to know that I could have anything I wanted from a small boy. I know what it feels like to honor that trust and put no conditions on the child's love. I know how good it feels to have that same small boy return as a grown man and place his own little baby in my arms because he wants his daughter to be as safe as he was.

You could have had that! You could have been Hauser's hero; you could have protected but you chose to destroy. Like Hauser, I know what it is to trust and to have that trust betrayed. And unlike you, I know what it is like to be trusted and to protect that trust.

There is no excuse. May your name be forever forgotten.

Darrel Eugene




Edited by Derdlecar (09/26/07 11:54 PM)
_________________________
If a man would get his life on track, he must first go back to the place where it was derailed.

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#183272 - 09/29/07 12:26 AM Re: What would you say to my abuser? [Re: mack]
sportinrucks Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/01/04
Posts: 422
Loc: Louisiana
I think God will deal with him accordingly


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