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#181857 - 09/23/07 10:01 AM Re: What would you say to my abuser? [Re: mack]
BJK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/02/07
Posts: 1526
(I'm resurrecting an old post by a good friend because I feel the need to respond)

Kim,

When I first met Hauser, and when he first started to talk with me about you, I actually started to think about ways that you might have helped me face myself. Can you believe that?

However, I've come to realize that the most dispicable act that an adult could ever commit against a child is trying to earn a child's unexplicable trust so that said adult can later do whatever he wants to that child with the child's trusting consent. We call that "grooming" here, and thanks to what you did to Hauser, I've come to realize how much that kind of manipulation can destroy the life of a child. The same grooming happened to me, and thanks to what you did to Hauser, I've started to realize how much that has destroyed my life as well. And you want to know what? I've had an insatiable desire to do the same thing to others, and thanks to what you did to Hauser, I've come to realize how selfish and manipulative such actions would be. You want to know what, though? I resisted the temptation and you didn't. I have faced the pain within myself instead of transferring that pain to other innocent children. I'll admit, I'm a pretty selfish person. However, when it came to the most selfish act of all, I abstained. That's the difference between you and me. You're a perp, and I'm not.

I guess I've started to realize that you haven't helped me at all. Hauser is the one who helped me face myself by relaying the ways in which you hurt him. For some reason, after all of these years, Hauser can't bring himself to hate you. That makes me so sad, so I'm going to do what Hauser can't do. I'm going to hate you for him. Until Hauser can start putting his life together, I'm going to make sure I say a few words of anger about you every day. You're probably smiling in your grave right now, thinking fondly about how you still have the trust of that little boy you fucked up 30 years ago. That makes me sick, dude.

I guess it's in my nature to try to find redeeming qualities in people, even people who commit acts as vile and disgusting as the ones you committed against Hauser. However, the more I get to know Hauser, the more I'm starting to realize that the only redeeming quality I can find in your personality is the fact that you're dead.

Bryan

_________________________
Revenge is nothing more than another way of perpetuating abuse.

What the world needs now
Is some new words of wisdom
Like la la la la la la la la la.
-David Lowery

Having a friend who will keep a secret for you is worthless compared to a friend who won't keep a secret from you.

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#181943 - 09/23/07 09:16 PM Re: What would you say to my abuser? [Re: mack]
copenbay Offline
Guest

Registered: 09/03/07
Posts: 127
Hi,

I guess I can add my two cents to what's already been posted. Like you, Bryan, I've had bad feelings that I've refused to act upon, since I could never put any boy through what I've been through.

Kim,

I don't think you have a clue what you did to a boy who couldn't defend himself, someone who would become a far better man than you'll ever be. Because, while you could only think about how you were going to take advantage of him, he has taken a much better path, and is now healing, unlike you.
Did you even know Hauser? Did you even think about another choice before screwing with him? Or was he just someone else to use for your own warped purposes? Just because you have certain feelings, that doesn't mean you have to mess with someone. You still have a choice, but you made the wrong one, and those of us who refuse to hurt anyone else can only see you with the greatest contempt.
I'm sad only that you died a natural death, instead of being tormented by the feelings, nightmares and everything else that goes along with being victimized by someone else bigger and stronger than you. Yeah, I'd be tempted to piss on your grave, but I'd rather pour acid on it, and maybe it'd eat through what's left of your sorry-ass bones.
Really, though, if you didn't make your peace with God, have fun being tormented and tortured for eternity the way you tried to torment and torture others in this life. Yes, there is justice, and though it might not have happened here, it will happen in Hell (where you probably are now).
And now you know what happens to people who refuse to treat others as human beings, as people with great value. Abusers like you eventually become reduced to something much less than human, and not even worth looking at, much less caring about.

Ed


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#182092 - 09/24/07 02:44 PM Re: What would you say to my abuser? [Re: mack]
OKIE MIKE Offline
Member

Registered: 02/13/04
Posts: 982
Loc: HULBERT OK
May You be reincarnated as a cockroach .

_________________________
MICHAEL

"I HAD NO SHOES THEN I SAW A MAN THAT HAD NO FEET"

"All I can do is be me, whoever that is"

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#182103 - 09/24/07 03:20 PM Re: What would you say to my abuser? [Re: mack]
kellygtx Offline
Guest

Registered: 07/11/07
Posts: 412
Loc: Texas, USA
Much like Hauser I wrestle with what to say or think about a perp who is deceased. Mine is complicated by the fact we was my brother. Dealing with anger in a family can be difficult when there is sympathy, unspoken, for a brother that died of AIDS in 1993.

What would I say to Hauser's perp? What would I say to my brother? Hell, we PLAYED together - hours playing with GI Joes and matchbox cars. He was my only real friend. I looked up to him! I mean I don't know what to say. How could I express the pain I feel for Hauser? I honestly don't think they can empathize with our pain. It would be so much easier to tell my brother about Hauser's pain. But I don't think they have a clue. And standing crying and screaming at them would I think only add to their perverse pleasure.

But I also feel intense regrett and sadness that I could not, and neither can Hauser, confront his perp. It makes it very difficult to try move on...sometimes you are just stuck. When my brother died my parents flew out in a helicopter and dumped his ashes in the Gulf of Mexico. I hate going to the beach!

(((((Hauser))))) Let go....move on.

Only tears are left now...running down my cheek for Hauser. For myself. And, in a starnge way, for our perps. Sadness that they missed out on many great people whose wants and needs that they used as vulnerabilities whould have also made us great friends and brothers. Yes - sadness for what they missed out on.



Edited by kellygtx (09/24/07 03:42 PM)
_________________________
I bid you Peace.

Kelly

The time is always NOW. Breath In. Breath Out. Move On.

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#182105 - 09/24/07 03:40 PM Re: What would you say to my abuser? [Re: kellygtx]
testingWaters Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/19/06
Posts: 508
I'd say Hauser is a much better man than you could ever dream of being and deep down you know it and I bet you're a little jealous of him for it.


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#182106 - 09/24/07 03:44 PM Re: What would you say to my abuser? [Re: testingWaters]
testingWaters Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/19/06
Posts: 508
In fact if you PM his gravesite I'd be happy to drop by and tell him that in person if I'm ever in his neck of the woods. Seriously.


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#182107 - 09/24/07 03:56 PM Re: What would you say to my abuser? [Re: OKIE MIKE]
MarkK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/02/07
Posts: 2503
Loc: Denver, CO
Originally Posted By: OKIE MIKE
May You be reincarnated as a cockroach


YES YES YES!

Thanx for the smile, Mike!

WooHoo - I LOVE IT


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#182108 - 09/24/07 04:14 PM Re: What would you say to my abuser? [Re: MarkK]
kellygtx Offline
Guest

Registered: 07/11/07
Posts: 412
Loc: Texas, USA
I have something better -

May you be reincarnated as a CARING HUMAN BEING...who can feel our pain.



Edited by kellygtx (09/24/07 04:18 PM)
_________________________
I bid you Peace.

Kelly

The time is always NOW. Breath In. Breath Out. Move On.

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#182286 - 09/25/07 12:50 PM Re: What would you say to my abuser? [Re: kellygtx]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
This thread comes back to my attention at a time when some pretty big issues about abuse in general are in my mind. Probably too broad to explore here, and certainly too far off Alan's topic.

But I wonder if Alan's abuser, and how many others, ever came to understand the enormity of what they have done. I can't imagine how anyone could live with a genuine knowledge of the hell to which they condemned an innocent child, or perhaps many innocent kids. Perhaps that would be the ultimate punishment - to understand what they are responsible for.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#182598 - 09/26/07 10:19 PM Re: What would you say to my abuser? [Re: roadrunner]
Derdlecar Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/08/05
Posts: 1314
Loc: Ogden Utah, USA
I've been very quiet on the discussion board of late but here I feel that I cannot be quiet.

My friend, Hauser, tells your name but I say may your name be forever forgotten because you won the trust of a small boy and betrayed that trust. There is no excuse for what you did, none at all. I know the feeling of a small trusting hand in mine. I know what it feels like to know that I could have anything I wanted from a small boy. I know what it feels like to honor that trust and put no conditions on the child's love. I know how good it feels to have that same small boy return as a grown man and place his own little baby in my arms because he wants his daughter to be as safe as he was.

You could have had that! You could have been Hauser's hero; you could have protected but you chose to destroy. Like Hauser, I know what it is to trust and to have that trust betrayed. And unlike you, I know what it is like to be trusted and to protect that trust.

There is no excuse. May your name be forever forgotten.

Darrel Eugene




Edited by Derdlecar (09/26/07 11:54 PM)
_________________________
If a man would get his life on track, he must first go back to the place where it was derailed.

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