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#154652 - 05/05/07 10:42 PM Dan's older brother
older_brother Offline
New Here

Registered: 05/05/07
Posts: 6
Hello. This is Dan's older brother. Some of you may know him as dan18. He has confided in me about everything, including this site, and has asked me to reassure you all that he is all right. He does not feel he has the mental strength to come back to this site right now, but he thanks you all for your endless surge of support. I would also like to thank you all for giving my brother the strength to come forward. Before now, I did not feel I completely understood my brother's behavior as of late, though we've been living in the same house side by side for all our lives. Now I feel I can empathize with him once more. Again, thank you all.


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#154656 - 05/05/07 11:30 PM Re: Dan's older brother [Re: older_brother]
WalkingSouth Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/30/05
Posts: 16265
Hello Older Brother,

It's good Dan has a caring sibling such as yourself to whom he can turn. We enjoyed having Dan around here. He's a good soul. Tell him we care about him and wish him well and that he'll always have a place with us here should he get to a place where he feels he can stop by.

John

_________________________
“Life’s journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting ‘Holy ____…! What a ride!’” ~Hunter S. Thompson

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#154657 - 05/05/07 11:34 PM Re: Dan's older brother [Re: WalkingSouth]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Older Brother,

Thanks for letting us know Dan is okay. He's welcome back anytime when he feels he's ready. I'm so glad he told you everything. It's so important for him to have someone close to him who knows and is able to give him the support he needs.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#154663 - 05/06/07 12:20 AM Re: Dan's older brother [Re: roadrunner]
FormerTexan Offline
Site Administrator
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 09/12/04
Posts: 11104
Loc: Denver, CO
OB,

We appreciate the status. You sound like a special brother. Please let him know he is in our thoughts.

_________________________
List of things ain't nobody got time for:

1. That


If I could meet myself as a boy...

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#154702 - 05/06/07 07:39 AM Re: Dan's older brother [Re: FormerTexan]
dannym Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/24/07
Posts: 543
Loc: Boulder, Colorado
OB,

I am so glad Dan had the courage to tell you. It seems like he told the right person. Let him know we are all thinking of him and look forward to hearing from him if and when he is ready to come back.

Dan

_________________________
"You should listen to your heart, and not the voices in your head."

Marge Simpson

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#154738 - 05/06/07 12:16 PM Re: Dan's older brother [Re: dannym]
shadowkid Offline
WARNING from ModTeam, September 2013: user "Shadowkid" was exposed as a hoaxer. His entire online persona and stories of sexual abuse were fiction. We encourage you not to become emotionally concerned by anything you see in any of his posts. Thank you
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/18/05
Posts: 2437
if we all woulda had a brother like you things could have been so different,dan is a hero for speaking out ,but it takes people like you for the speaking out to be something good instead of just another let down for him. the really important stuff happens after we tell,how people react makes all the difference,good job bro! adam



Edited by shadowkid (05/06/07 12:17 PM)
_________________________
its not hard to fall
when you float like a cannonball - damien rice

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#154741 - 05/06/07 01:09 PM Re: Dan's older brother [Re: shadowkid]
Hauser Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/12/05
Posts: 2962
Loc: United States
Not all brothers are supportive after being disclosed to, he's lucky to have a brother like you.


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#154798 - 05/06/07 08:53 PM Re: Dan's older brother [Re: Hauser]
healingpartner Offline
Guest

Registered: 04/04/07
Posts: 407
As a fellow family member, I would recommend getting him Mike Lew's book Victims No Longer. It gives a great overview of the issues he is dealing with. I am reading it with my husband right now...he reads it and highlights issues pertinent to him and I read those.

It really isn't easy to just understand how this has and will impact Dan...do try and learn more about csa. It will really help you to help him. Which is clearly why you are here.

All my Best


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#154809 - 05/06/07 09:51 PM Re: Dan's older brother [Re: healingpartner]
older_brother Offline
New Here

Registered: 05/05/07
Posts: 6
i shouldn't have slapped him


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#154815 - 05/06/07 10:25 PM Re: Dan's older brother [Re: older_brother]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
OB,

You don't give any context for that, but in all honesty, no, slapping him wasn't a good idea. Whatever led to it, I think it's the wrong message to him - but my guess is you already know that.

Dan is trying to cope with some intensely emotional problems, and it's practically guaranteed he will react angrily and emotionally to them. He needs a lot of love and support, and mainly he needs to learn to rely on someone in real life - someone he can trust and talk to.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#154817 - 05/06/07 10:46 PM Re: Dan's older brother [Re: roadrunner]
older_brother Offline
New Here

Registered: 05/05/07
Posts: 6
I was furious at him for allowing such a thing to happen, let alone waiting so long to tell me.


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#154818 - 05/06/07 10:50 PM Re: Dan's older brother [Re: older_brother]
WalkingSouth Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/30/05
Posts: 16265
He needs you OB. I hope you were able to make it up to him. I can tell you're really concerned for him.

Lots of love,

John

_________________________
“Life’s journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting ‘Holy ____…! What a ride!’” ~Hunter S. Thompson

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#154822 - 05/06/07 11:36 PM Re: Dan's older brother [Re: older_brother]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
OB,

Originally Posted By: older_brother
I was furious at him for allowing such a thing to happen, let alone waiting so long to tell me.


Here I would just say that a boy doesn't "allow" himself to be abused; in almost every case he has no choice at all and is not able to defend himself. It's a really bad idea to suggest to him that he let this happen, as it will intensify his already deep feelings of shame and guilt.

On waiting to tell someone, the reason is again shame and guilt. Boys are in no way prepared for such a task and their fear of rejection or blame is overwhelming. In fact, it's exceptional that a boy will actually be able to tell his parents or other safe adults what has happened. But Dan is an exceptional teenager and you should be very proud of him. It took tremendous courage for him to come to you with this.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#154837 - 05/07/07 05:43 AM Re: Dan's older brother [Re: roadrunner]
older_brother Offline
New Here

Registered: 05/05/07
Posts: 6
I apologize. It's only that I feel as if he had just told me something...I don't know...I feel like an ass.


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#154840 - 05/07/07 07:15 AM Re: Dan's older brother [Re: older_brother]
shadowkid Offline
WARNING from ModTeam, September 2013: user "Shadowkid" was exposed as a hoaxer. His entire online persona and stories of sexual abuse were fiction. We encourage you not to become emotionally concerned by anything you see in any of his posts. Thank you
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/18/05
Posts: 2437
you should

_________________________
its not hard to fall
when you float like a cannonball - damien rice

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#154858 - 05/07/07 10:13 AM Re: Dan's older brother [Re: shadowkid]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
OB,

Don't beat upon yourself for reacting as you did. To be honest, what you did was wrong. But okay. Welcome to the club of human imperfections. In looking at the situation it also needs to be considered that society just does NOT prepare either survivors, or their supporters, for how to deal with a catastrophic revelation of this kind. I would just go to Dan, apologize, explain that you overreacted, and assure him that from now on you will be there for him and honor his feelings and needs.

The bottom line is that Dan has reached out to you. He has told you the worst possible thing that any teenager could be forced to tell about, and that took a LOT of courage and TONS of trust. Both you and he are on a healing journey together now. He chose YOU! That's pretty cool.

For right now, Dan needs to hear that you don't blame him, that you don't think it was his fault, that you believe him, and that he can talk to you about ANYTHING without fear that you will think less of him.

I would also suggest that you get a copy of Cynthia Mathers' book How Long Does It Hurt? as soon as possible (you will find it in our Bookstore on our homepage under "Teen Survivors: Sexual Abuse". There are other books that are better for adults, but for teens this one is THE book to read. It will give you a very clear picture of what Dan is going through and how you can best help him.

And please do feel free to participate in this forum. I know you will have a LOT of questions, and the only way to get the answers is to ask. That's so much a part of what we are here for in this forum.

I'm so glad you came in and I hope you will continue to participate in the site. there really is a lot here for you as you try to help Dan through his problems.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#154859 - 05/07/07 10:25 AM Re: Dan's older brother [Re: older_brother]
reality2k4 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/06/04
Posts: 6838
Loc: Stuck between water, air, and ...
Its great he has your support, many brothers just wallow
in denial,

ste

_________________________
Whoever stole the Sun, put it back and we'll drop all the charges!

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#154876 - 05/07/07 12:11 PM Re: Dan's older brother [Re: reality2k4]
Hauser Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/12/05
Posts: 2962
Loc: United States
OB, what you did was wrong but not unforgivable, it's a very natural reaction that us males have when we're considering the notion of being violated by someone else. (my brother laughed and made fun of me when I disclosed to him, although at the time we were both much younger than you and your brother now are.)

Also, I would suggest that you consider why he didn't just "tell you." At 16, he felt that he SHOULD have been able to control his situation and be in charge of himself, but what he failed to see (perhaps still) is that a 16yo kid can be easy to manipulate and intimidate and control.

I sure hope that you can give him the support that he needs from now on, cuz I know that feeling that Dan experienced when when you slapped him, I know what it's like to feel "I allowed it", it's a feeling that has crippled my adult life. But the good thing is that you see the error of your immediate reaction.

I implore you to come here for advice in the future, you're going to need it if you want to handle this situation right.


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#154877 - 05/07/07 12:14 PM Re: Dan's older brother [Re: reality2k4]
Still Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 6500
Loc: Terminus
OB,

I sent you a PM. In case you dont read it, here's what I can say in public:

First: THANK YOU FOR DOING THIS!!! You could have had your bad and destructive reaction and just moved-on. But you took the step to seek our help and gain some understanding. As a friend of Dan, I thank you!

I've been close with Dan since he came here as Dan17. I've sat up through LONG nights with him when he was really hurting. One night lasted for 4+ hours.

PLEASE, PLESAE, PLEASE be kind to him. He's really hurting. Please be on his side. PLEASE read as many Survivor Stories on this site as you can...so that you can see CLEARLY that it was not his fault!

AND...OB...please don't let any age differences lead you to believing that "his case is different." ITS NOT! Age has NOTHING to do with it!

This is heavy OB...you never asked to be put in this position...but you've got a very big role in your little brother's future. I'm begging you to get this right!

We are here for you!! When you dont know something...ASK. Dont know how to react to something...ASK. Want to flip-out and scream...type it here!

Please tell Dan that Robbie says hello and that I love him and worry about him.



Edited by Robbie Brown (05/07/07 01:11 PM)
_________________________
When the phone don't ring, I'll know its you.

The Aftermath Video

My Absolute Hero!

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#154891 - 05/07/07 05:07 PM Re: Dan's older brother [Re: Still]
older_brother Offline
New Here

Registered: 05/05/07
Posts: 6
I can't continue posting to this site.
It's just too weird and unusual for me (NO OFFENSE TO YOU GUYS)
I'm just not used to stories like these...
However, I will apologize to my bro and do anything and everything I can to help him, I promise you all that


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#154892 - 05/07/07 05:30 PM Re: Dan's older brother [Re: older_brother]
Hauser Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/12/05
Posts: 2962
Loc: United States
Good! Thank you for being so supportive to Dan, he needs you.


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#155346 - 05/09/07 07:53 PM Re: Dan's older brother [Re: Hauser]
SAR Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/07/03
Posts: 3310
Loc: USA
"Older brother" and dan have been exposed as fraudulent. This post is locked. Anyone with questions, please feel free to contact a forum mod or admin.

SAR
Administration Team


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