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#154535 - 05/05/07 11:54 AM Im new. Im embarrassed.
Rixxagain Offline
New Here

Registered: 05/05/07
Posts: 7
Loc: AZ
Hi. Im new to the site and have a question. Ive read alot here about how many have confusion about thier sexuality, Gay-Straight-Bi, as a result of childhood sexual abuse. Do any of you have question or confusion about gender as a result of this? Maybe this is somewhat unique to me.. my abuse doesnt cause me sexual identity problems. Its more gender identity problems, and I dont know if that is a result of the abuse, influenced by the abuse or completely separate from the abuse. I have wondered often if others with a history like mine, feel this gender confusion. I never knew about this site until this morning. Any help or input would be so appreciated.


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#154538 - 05/05/07 12:08 PM Re: Im new. Im embarrassed. [Re: Rixxagain]
Hauser Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/12/05
Posts: 2962
Loc: United States
Sexual confusion? I know ALL ABOUT that. Gender confusion is another matter entirely, obviously, and I can offer no input on that matter except to say that THAT is something a professional therapist is trained to work on.


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#154541 - 05/05/07 12:18 PM Re: Im new. Im embarrassed. [Re: Hauser]
Brian Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 05/03/01
Posts: 1563
Loc: Upstate NY
Hi Rixx,

Welcome to Male Survivor! I'm glad that you found us!

I don't personally know anything about sexual and/or gender confusion but I'm sure there will be several people here who will be able to discuss this issue with you. I just wanted to take this opportuntiy to welcome you here. You will find that there are many supportive and friendly people here.

Brian

_________________________
Recovery is Possible!

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#154545 - 05/05/07 12:31 PM Re: Im new. Im embarrassed. [Re: Rixxagain]
reality2k4 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/06/04
Posts: 6838
Loc: Stuck between water, air, and ...
I know about sexuality confusion.
Gender confusion may stem from being used like a girl, and
so you delve into becoming one.

A lot of transexuals and transvestites have a history of being
abused as kids, so it fits a pattern,

ste

_________________________
Whoever stole the Sun, put it back and we'll drop all the charges!

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#154550 - 05/05/07 01:00 PM Re: Im new. Im embarrassed. [Re: reality2k4]
mogigo Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/24/07
Posts: 1331
Loc: Colorado
Hey Rixx, I have this problem. I fantasize often about gender issues. Usually I can relate better to my sexuality thinking of myself as a girl. Haven't figured it out yet, it causes me much anxiety, something that adds to my confusion with my sexuality. I think this is a very complex issue, it is for me anyway. I think the other guys said it best. I think you should take this issue up with a trained professional. I just wanted to let you know your not alone, tough stuff I know.

Stay strong
Mike

_________________________
Thriving

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#154551 - 05/05/07 01:07 PM Re: Im new. Im embarrassed. [Re: reality2k4]
Rixxagain Offline
New Here

Registered: 05/05/07
Posts: 7
Loc: AZ
Thank you for the welcome and the very quick response. I was surprised. I spent alot of years in therapy, and it did help me in alot of ways.... not completely though. Reality2k4, in many ways you hit right on it. In much of my abuse, I was 6 or so at the time, I remember wondering why he thought I was a girl. While I know that the abuse was all him, I wondered if I was acting like one, or if he saw me as one. To this day I run around phobic about whether Im acting feminine or not.
Its not the whole story though. It seems that the general consensus about sexuality is that it is something structured before or shortly after birth, dependent on genetics and hormone levels, and is not much due to environmental factors. This same holds true for gender development. Consider though, given a case of continued sexualt assault against a male child. He suffers the same humliation, shame, violation, confusion about the pleasure aspects of it, etc, etc as a girl in that situation. Could it stand that ( being a spiritual person ) God may have looked down and said, " Hmmm. This is not good what happened to Rick here. And he may need to practice some coping methods more common to a females thinking which will be confusing for him, but is still necessary..." and there goes the pattern for a more female development? Does that make any sense at all? Haha. Or am I just trying to blame my perp for this too, in addition to all the other gifts he gave? Please be honest. If God gave me the spirit of a female- man I am all about it then. If this is just the result of the abuser again... then my quest for ownership of me continues. Thanks again to all for your quick response.
Rick


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#154555 - 05/05/07 01:17 PM Re: Im new. Im embarrassed. [Re: Rixxagain]
Rixxagain Offline
New Here

Registered: 05/05/07
Posts: 7
Loc: AZ
Mike- thank you. That is EXACTLY how I feel. Exactly, and it so helps to know Im not alone in this. I too relate much better to my sexuality seeing myself as female. In fact, it seems that my sexuality comes together that way. Hmm. It may be that my entire essence comes together that way. Haha. And it is most complicated and causes me too- much anxiety. Probably more than it rates, ya know? It so helps though, to know if others can identify. Thanks Mike... stay strong too.
Rick


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#154556 - 05/05/07 01:20 PM Re: Im new. Im embarrassed. [Re: Rixxagain]
reality2k4 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/06/04
Posts: 6838
Loc: Stuck between water, air, and ...
Quote:
I wondered if I was acting like one, or if he saw me as one. To this day I run around phobic about whether Im acting feminine or not.


Exactly how I thought, and the other thing is, that you may have wanted not to be a boy, nor a man, because men do such horrible things. I thought when young, that if I dressed as a girl, nobody would want me, but boys dont go well in girls stuff.

Abuse does have femininity problems abundant,

ste

_________________________
Whoever stole the Sun, put it back and we'll drop all the charges!

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#154559 - 05/05/07 01:50 PM Re: Im new. Im embarrassed. [Re: reality2k4]
Rixxagain Offline
New Here

Registered: 05/05/07
Posts: 7
Loc: AZ
Right on Ste. I didnt want to be a boy, or a man for exactly those reasons. I have issues to this day about it. And while the abuse has many implications in it, it may not be the whole story. Consider too though, a desire to be a girl or not to be a boy, only explains the desire aspects of it. Like- the desire of many trans people to be seen as the opposite sex doesnt explain WHO they are... thier essence. See? The desire to be the opposite sex doesnt make them the opposite sex and that gets misinterpreted, and many of them find it erotic to feel that desire. Like Mike said above though, " I relate better to my sexuality thinking of ""myself as a girl"". It doesnt seem like he is saying " I want to be a girl ", as much as it is saying " I understand myself " as a girl. See? ( I apologize, I dont mean to indicate in any way Mikes' concept of himself, only to say that he does not seem to be saying that he has a desire to be female,,, only that he understands his sexuality as a female. Not that he is one in gender ) This is exactly how I feel. The words - myself and girl - indicate ownership. While it is so true, my desire to be a female and not male comes at least in part from the abuse, it doesnt explain that I already see myself or identify myself as a female. In short, that desire not to be a male doesnt explain WHO I am, how I feel or identify. See?


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#154569 - 05/05/07 02:24 PM Re: Im new. Im embarrassed. [Re: Rixxagain]
reality2k4 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/06/04
Posts: 6838
Loc: Stuck between water, air, and ...
I had the same strong feelings growing up, but now they are buried in my psyche. I am now proud of being a man.
Yeah, ppl called me 'she', in work and my siblings still do, but
I take no notice.

I watched a program called, my life as a child, and it followed a boy who would love to wear skirts, and was more at home with girls than boys. He doesnt care what anybody thinks, and I admire him for his openness with ppl who all love him for who he is.

We are all unique,

ste

_________________________
Whoever stole the Sun, put it back and we'll drop all the charges!

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