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#154437 - 05/04/07 08:00 PM something happened... *trigger*
Alexander Offline
Member

Registered: 10/17/06
Posts: 223
Loc: The Netherlands
yeah so i don't know what to say... or better how to say it..
So like the subject says something happened..
like.. oh my gosh.. i dont know how to say this..
Yeah something happened at the hospital... I woke up earlier... to the.. freak... nurse.. doing stuff to me.. i tried to yell but he just put a hand over my mouth and all and I couldnt do anything and...
I dont know anymore do i got a freaking sign on my forehead saying abuse me I don't mind i'm broken already anyway or something. \:\(
I don't care anymore just shoot me please.
I dont know what to do anymore this is not life


_________________________
Come on, oh my star is fading
And I see no chance of release
And I know I'm dead on the surface
But I am screaming underneath

Top
#154439 - 05/04/07 08:34 PM Re: something happened... *trigger* [Re: Alexander]
Still Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 6453
Loc: Right Behind You!
Alexander,

Is there anyone who can go to battle for you?

_________________________
Keep the others in your life happy - Comply Comply Comply

The Aftermath Video

My Absolute Hero!

Top
#154440 - 05/04/07 08:48 PM Re: something happened... *trigger* [Re: Still]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Alexander,

This is sooo bad!!!! You really must tell the hospital staff IMMEDIATELY. They will deal with this bastard and make sure he doesn't come on to anybody else. It doesn't matter who you tell - just tell someone AND RIGHT AWAY.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

Top
#154442 - 05/04/07 08:59 PM Re: something happened... *trigger* [Re: roadrunner]
Alexander Offline
Member

Registered: 10/17/06
Posts: 223
Loc: The Netherlands
i'm trying to find the courage to do the right thing but i don't know... im afraid if i press that button he will come and i don't know... i don;t know.

_________________________
Come on, oh my star is fading
And I see no chance of release
And I know I'm dead on the surface
But I am screaming underneath

Top
#154443 - 05/04/07 09:06 PM Re: something happened... *trigger* [Re: Alexander]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Alexander,

Can you go down the hall to the nurse's station? You don't want to run into this guy, of course, but if you're in a public area you should be okay. At least tell the duty doctor that something bad happened to you in your room and you don't feel safe.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

Top
#154446 - 05/04/07 09:15 PM Re: something happened... *trigger* [Re: roadrunner]
Alexander Offline
Member

Registered: 10/17/06
Posts: 223
Loc: The Netherlands
probably wouldn't make it out of my room esp not now but it's ok... eventually someone will come... in the morning... or something
I just... I just feel strangely empty right now.

_________________________
Come on, oh my star is fading
And I see no chance of release
And I know I'm dead on the surface
But I am screaming underneath

Top
#154447 - 05/04/07 09:24 PM Re: something happened... *trigger* [Re: Alexander]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Alexander,

You have to do what you feel safe with, of course, but I hope you will tell someone as soon as you can. This is really important for your own safety. Hang in there, my friend.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

Top
#154448 - 05/04/07 09:26 PM Re: something happened... *trigger* [Re: roadrunner]
Alexander Offline
Member

Registered: 10/17/06
Posts: 223
Loc: The Netherlands
i dont care he can kill me if he wants too.

_________________________
Come on, oh my star is fading
And I see no chance of release
And I know I'm dead on the surface
But I am screaming underneath

Top
#154449 - 05/04/07 09:34 PM Re: something happened... *trigger* [Re: Alexander]
MemoryVault Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/01/07
Posts: 693
Loc: NJ
We're here. Just hang on. You may be in shock--that feeling of emptiness and that you don't care is how you're protecting yourself from falling apart. That will pass, and your life will mean something again. But please hang on.

How do the nurses rotate? Will he be off duty for a day or two? Maybe the hospital has a patient advocate? Those are practical things--worry about them when you can. Hang on, and tell someone when you're ready to.

So sorry (and furious!) this happened!

David


Top
#154450 - 05/04/07 09:41 PM Re: something happened... *trigger* [Re: MemoryVault]
MemoryVault Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/01/07
Posts: 693
Loc: NJ
A couple of other thoughts about safer people to disclose to--if the hospital provides mental health services, you could ask for a confidential meeting with a counselor--don't say why. Or a chaplain--there should be one available at all times. (Someone more used to dealing with non-medical problems and not directly connected to the nursing staff.)


Top
#154453 - 05/04/07 10:12 PM Re: something happened... *trigger* [Re: MemoryVault]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Alexander,

This isn't happening because you are doomed to it or deserve it. This has happened because the nurse is an evil and cruel person who needs to be thrown out of his job and introduced to a place where he really belongs - prison! Don't get down on yourself, okay? You haven't done anything wrong.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

Top
#154467 - 05/04/07 11:03 PM Re: something happened... *trigger* [Re: MemoryVault]
Still Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 6453
Loc: Right Behind You!
Alexander,

Please let someone know after this bastard's shift is over. PLEASE!

_________________________
Keep the others in your life happy - Comply Comply Comply

The Aftermath Video

My Absolute Hero!

Top
#154469 - 05/04/07 11:05 PM Re: something happened... *trigger* [Re: Still]
FormerTexan Offline
Site Administrator
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 09/12/04
Posts: 11088
Loc: Denver, CO
Yes, let them know!

And when you let them know, stand your ground. Don't back down. Be insistent!

_________________________
List of things ain't nobody got time for:

1. That


If I could meet myself as a boy...

Top
#154487 - 05/05/07 01:18 AM Re: something happened... *trigger* [Re: FormerTexan]
Nathan LaChine Offline
Webmaster
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/22/03
Posts: 5378
Loc: Washington State
Alexander,

Man what can we do to support you? What do you need to know before you dial 911? You have a right to be safe, and when someone hurts you like this nurse did you need to get help. You need to help your self and prove that you have power and control of your life. This nurse thinks your weak and will not stand up for your self. Prove the nurse wrong prove to your self just how powerful you are my friend.

lots of love, Nathan


Top
#154492 - 05/05/07 02:30 AM Re: something happened... *trigger* [Re: Alexander]
Morning Star Offline
Member

Registered: 12/21/04
Posts: 1124
Loc: Home
Alexander,

You have the power say no, and the power say that you have been mistreated, report this matter to the highest authority you can.

Morning Star

_________________________
~ It's over!...Let go of Thy Past, Remember Thy Self ~

Why Don't People Heal, by Caroline Myss; 30 days to clean up your vibrations - Abraham-Hicks

Top
#154494 - 05/05/07 02:51 AM Re: something happened... *trigger* [Re: Morning Star]
Hauser Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/12/05
Posts: 2962
Loc: United States
I 2ond EVERYTHING these guys just told you Alex!

I KNOW what it's like to feel worthless and that I "don't matter" and ALL those terrible feelings that are holding you back, BUT TELL someone PLEASE.


Top
#154499 - 05/05/07 05:21 AM Re: something happened... *trigger* [Re: Hauser]
Alexander Offline
Member

Registered: 10/17/06
Posts: 223
Loc: The Netherlands
I just wanted to say that I have told the nurses and that the police have got him, my fosterparents arrived shortly after. It's a bit of a chaos right now.

_________________________
Come on, oh my star is fading
And I see no chance of release
And I know I'm dead on the surface
But I am screaming underneath

Top
#154500 - 05/05/07 06:09 AM Re: something happened... *trigger* [Re: MemoryVault]
reality2k4 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/06/04
Posts: 6838
Loc: Stuck between water, air, and ...
Alex, tell the doc about it, tell him you are frightened.
You have a right to be cared for in hospital, you can choose
to not have that person be involved in your care.

Hope you are feeling better,

ste

_________________________
Whoever stole the Sun, put it back and we'll drop all the charges!

Top
#154501 - 05/05/07 07:03 AM Re: something happened... *trigger* [Re: reality2k4]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Alexander,

Good for you. You did the right thing - for yourself and for other guys he might have gone after in the future. I can just imagine how chaotic it must be around you right now. If you can, try to focus on one or two safe people and rely on them for support.

And Alexander...don't hesitate to say how you feel and ask for what you need. If you are scared, say so. If you feel overwhelmed and think you are about to cry, just let it out. If you need a hug, ask for it. If you have questions, ask them. All this is strength, not weakness. It's all part of you reclaiming your life and insisting that what happens to you is now YOUR decision and no one else's.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

Top
#154517 - 05/05/07 08:24 AM Re: something happened... *trigger* [Re: roadrunner]
MemoryVault Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/01/07
Posts: 693
Loc: NJ
Alexander --

I'm glad you were able to do that! You're amazingly strong. We're here.

David


Top
#154519 - 05/05/07 08:30 AM Re: something happened... *trigger* [Re: MemoryVault]
buzz_key Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/31/07
Posts: 635
Loc: USA
Alexander,

You did the right thing friend! That man deserves to be behind bars.
I am amazed at your strength and inspired by you! I am praying for you.
We are all here.

Buzz


Top
#154523 - 05/05/07 09:38 AM Re: something happened... *trigger* [Re: MemoryVault]
Still Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 6453
Loc: Right Behind You!
Thank God!

You are SO strong Alexander!

We all love you and are very upset that this happened!

_________________________
Keep the others in your life happy - Comply Comply Comply

The Aftermath Video

My Absolute Hero!

Top
#154528 - 05/05/07 11:04 AM Re: something happened... *trigger* [Re: Still]
Stefan012 Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 12/18/06
Posts: 281
Loc: The Netherlands
I keep reading and reading this thread...
I can NOT believe that this happened to you, in a hospital even!
It disgusts me and angers me and saddens me that someone would do this, to anyone of course, but let alone on a childrens ward in a hospital?!
I hope that you have your fosterparents to lean on Alex.
I'm so sorry that this happened...
I've told you before but I'm here for you ok? As much as you will let me and as much as is possible trough the internet.
And ditto on what everyone says, you're amazingly strong, even though you probably don't feel like that right now.
And it's ok to show your emotions... don't stock em up, let em out..
Thinking of you Alexander.

Stefan

_________________________
You lost the things that you thought you would never miss.
You let them out and miss them while they're gone
But there's memories down here and they will always live down here
No they can't take them away, so they won't

Top
#154531 - 05/05/07 11:26 AM Re: something happened... *trigger* [Re: Stefan012]
Still Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 6453
Loc: Right Behind You!
....and you are a HERO by any definition!!!!

Countless numbers of children will now be saved by your bravery and determination.

_________________________
Keep the others in your life happy - Comply Comply Comply

The Aftermath Video

My Absolute Hero!

Top
#154539 - 05/05/07 12:09 PM Re: something happened... *trigger* [Re: Still]
Hauser Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/12/05
Posts: 2962
Loc: United States
I'm proud of you Alex.


Top
#154557 - 05/05/07 01:31 PM Re: something happened... *trigger* [Re: Hauser]
KeithR Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/28/06
Posts: 363
Loc: Georgia
Alexander,

I am so glad you were able to talk to someone. You did nothing to deserve what happened, and by talking I am sure you have prevented others from being hurt.

I was so worried about you last night and I am glad you were able to get help.

I want to say again that I am very sorry this happened to you.

Keith


Top
#154562 - 05/05/07 02:09 PM Re: something happened... *trigger* [Re: KeithR]
FormerTexan Offline
Site Administrator
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 09/12/04
Posts: 11088
Loc: Denver, CO
You did good, Alexander. I hope the b@#$%^d rots in prison.

_________________________
List of things ain't nobody got time for:

1. That


If I could meet myself as a boy...

Top
#154606 - 05/05/07 06:32 PM Re: something happened... *trigger* [Re: FormerTexan]
sabata Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/08/06
Posts: 1948
they need to hang him up by his balls....he doesnt deserve prison......


Top
#154608 - 05/05/07 06:40 PM Re: something happened... *trigger* [Re: sabata]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Alexander,

Just checking in on you and how you are doing today. Keep close to the safe people in your life and let them help you. You deserve it and you're worth it.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

Top
#154619 - 05/05/07 07:53 PM Re: something happened... *trigger* [Re: roadrunner]
Chain Breaker Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/21/07
Posts: 376
Loc: Michigan
Alexander,

I'm sorry I was not on here to be of support to you yesterday evening or earlier today. But I'm glad you got the support and encouragement you needed and that you did the right thing. I am also glad the hospital and the police are taking charge to get this criminal away from you and many other boys.

You totally rock!

I admire your courage.

_________________________
My name is Joe. I am a survivor and a good man. You can count on me.

CB

"[Insert your name here], I am [Chain Breaker]. Do you see that I am your friend? Can you see that you will always be my friend?"
--Wind In His Hair, Dances With Wolves

Top
#154626 - 05/05/07 08:28 PM Re: something happened... *trigger* [Re: sabata]
Still Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 6453
Loc: Right Behind You!
Originally Posted By: sabata
they need to hang him up by his balls....he doesnt deserve prison......


They say that "there's a special place in hell for child molesters..."

I think there's a special-special place for a healthcare worker who betray's the trust of the community and child in their care.

It would be best if I never know who he is and/or where he is...because I'll possibly give him a sample of things to come.

Sorry...but what happened is beyond the beyonds.

_________________________
Keep the others in your life happy - Comply Comply Comply

The Aftermath Video

My Absolute Hero!

Top
#154648 - 05/05/07 10:00 PM Re: something happened... *trigger* [Re: Still]
john22 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/16/06
Posts: 179
Loc: Europe-Belgium
Alexander

Sorry I didnt was there to support you in these difficult days. Its been a time since I visited this board.

What I want to say is,
I'm sad this happened to you
but I'm very glad you found the strenght to tell people what that bastard did to you.
I also hope they lock him up and throw the key away. So he will rot in jail.

My thoughts are with you. I hope you will climb out of this very depressif time.

John


Top
#154682 - 05/06/07 03:04 AM Re: something happened... *trigger* [Re: john22]
alexey Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 08/16/05
Posts: 1674
Loc: Moscow, Russia
Alexander,

Good for you. I was shocked when I read your post, but now I know you are a strong guy.

Recover soon.

Alexey

_________________________
(\__/)
(='.'=)
E[:]|||||[:]3
(")_(")
--------
When you feel all alone and unhappy, turn to you Inner Child and talk to Him.
You will see He can comfort you like nothing else!

Top
#154690 - 05/06/07 07:05 AM Re: something happened... *trigger* [Re: alexey]
markgreyblue Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/19/03
Posts: 5400
Loc: Pasadena, CA
Alexander- I am so sorry. I had no idea.

I just read this - Sorry man. That is unconscionable -

GOOD for YOU for being strong - hangin in there - You are strong - and smart

M



Edited by markgreyblue (05/06/07 07:07 AM)
_________________________
"...do not look outside yourself for the leader."
-wisdom of the hopi elders

"...the sign of a true leader is service..." - anonymous



Top
#154700 - 05/06/07 07:19 AM Re: something happened... *trigger* [Re: markgreyblue]
dannym Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/24/07
Posts: 543
Loc: Boulder, Colorado
Alexander - I am horrified by what happened but so amazed at your strength and ability to tell someone - that's courage. Please be safe and know you are in my thoughts.

Dan

_________________________
"You should listen to your heart, and not the voices in your head."

Marge Simpson

Top
#154707 - 05/06/07 08:38 AM Re: something happened... *trigger* [Re: dannym]
Alexander Offline
Member

Registered: 10/17/06
Posts: 223
Loc: The Netherlands
I just don't know anymore. I don't know what to do, to say. I just know that I don't want this life anymore, I don't care anymore. life sucks life hurts, I hate life, this place where I have to try to sleep, hate myself.
I don't want to go on anymore.

_________________________
Come on, oh my star is fading
And I see no chance of release
And I know I'm dead on the surface
But I am screaming underneath

Top
#154709 - 05/06/07 08:45 AM Re: something happened... *trigger* [Re: Alexander]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Alexander,

I think the most important thing for you to do right now is to talk about everything you feel. Talk to your doctors, nurses, and your foster parents. And of course talk here too. We care about you.

But it's the people in real life who can act to help you. If you feel unsafe in your room, say so - it's okay and ANY of us would feel the same way. If you feel defeated in life, just say that too. You aren't losing if you talk about how you feel. That's LOTS better than keeping it bottled up.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

Top
#154713 - 05/06/07 09:35 AM Re: something happened... *trigger* [Re: roadrunner]
MemoryVault Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/01/07
Posts: 693
Loc: NJ
Alexander,

It makes sense that you feel that way. Life just handed you more &*(^#$(* in the last 48 hours than most people get over a lifetime. Hospital/chemo/assault/police/no sleep... You're exhausted, physically and mentally. That's normal--you'd be very strange if you didn't feel that life sucked right now.

It'll get better. You'll get some sleep, the treatments will end, and I hope you'll look back with pride on how you dealt with this guy. Until then, like Larry said, keep talking and lean on the people who can help you.

David


Top
#154733 - 05/06/07 11:47 AM Re: something happened... *trigger* [Re: MemoryVault]
WalkingSouth Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/30/05
Posts: 16265
Alexander,

Larry is correct in what he says. Seriously consider his advise.

Lots of love,

John

_________________________
“Life’s journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting ‘Holy ____…! What a ride!’” ~Hunter S. Thompson

Top
#154901 - 05/07/07 07:20 PM Re: something happened... *trigger* [Re: WalkingSouth]
Stefan012 Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 12/18/06
Posts: 281
Loc: The Netherlands
Yeah Alexander...
Keep reaching out, let us know how you are.
I know talking is very hard, but you don't have to jump into the deep inmedeatly ya know? Just telling your fosterparents or the nurses when something scares you or bothers you is a step already. And your fosters sounds like they care a lot about you and would do a lot to help you. try giving them a change ok, as hard as that is?
And keep us up to date too.. Like larry said we care about you too.

Greets,

Stefan

_________________________
You lost the things that you thought you would never miss.
You let them out and miss them while they're gone
But there's memories down here and they will always live down here
No they can't take them away, so they won't

Top
#154955 - 05/07/07 11:19 PM Re: something happened... *trigger* [Re: Stefan012]
Still Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 6453
Loc: Right Behind You!
I'm here! Please take this safe hand-hold.

_________________________
Keep the others in your life happy - Comply Comply Comply

The Aftermath Video

My Absolute Hero!

Top
#154967 - 05/08/07 12:46 AM Re: something happened... *trigger* *DELETED* [Re: Still]
krayoss Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/18/01
Posts: 112
Loc: west
Post deleted by krayoss


Top
#154996 - 05/08/07 10:30 AM Re: something happened... *trigger* [Re: krayoss]
Alexander Offline
Member

Registered: 10/17/06
Posts: 223
Loc: The Netherlands
yeah, so... thanks for replying everyone.
Like said before i go mostly from feeling nothing to panicattack and back.. I keep waking up in a panic after a hour sleep or a few hours of sleep.
I did start chemo monday. It has to be done anyway. No use in pushing it forward a bit more.. it has already been pushed forward 2 weeks or so cause i was sick.. and i would only been stuck in this hospital even longer then anyway..
Hopefully in a couple of months at least this sh*t is over and done with... I hope..
I just, i hate this... Everyone wants to talk to me, ask me stuff, police, hospital shrink, youthcare, everyone asks me all of the time 'how do you feel' and stuff like that. "well what do YOU think?!? Quit asking me stupid questions...
I understand that they are trying to help... but it doesn't really help... Try telling them that though..
I just hate it that i'm stuck in this hospital for another 3 weeks... I hate lying in this bed being able of nothing besides read, watch tv, internet.. I hate feeling this weak and tired and helpless and dirty and.. I could go on and on... I can't even take a walk if i'd wished to cus those legs just won't carry me anymore. I hate it that people have to touch me to do their job even if it's just my arm or something.
I'm sorry for ranting like this... It's not like I can change those things anyway..

Alexander

_________________________
Come on, oh my star is fading
And I see no chance of release
And I know I'm dead on the surface
But I am screaming underneath

Top
#155003 - 05/08/07 11:00 AM Re: something happened... *trigger* [Re: Alexander]
reality2k4 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/06/04
Posts: 6838
Loc: Stuck between water, air, and ...
Alex, you need to keep strong, and you can tell them all to back off for a while.
They DONT know what you are going through, none of them.

See if you can get out in a wheelchair, then at least you
can get some fresh air.
We just want you safe on the other side of this,

ste

_________________________
Whoever stole the Sun, put it back and we'll drop all the charges!

Top
#155017 - 05/08/07 11:53 AM Re: something happened... *trigger* [Re: reality2k4]
MemoryVault Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/01/07
Posts: 693
Loc: NJ
Hey, Alex --

Don't be afraid to ask us for what you need, too--we'll understand, whatever it is.

"Hang out in chat for a while, but don't ask me how I'm feeling."
"Tell me some really bad jokes."
"Talk to me about something else."
"Give me some advice/Don't give me any advice."


Whatever you need.

David


Top
#155028 - 05/08/07 12:51 PM Re: something happened... *trigger* [Re: MemoryVault]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Alexander,

It's okay to rant and say you're fucking pissed off and fed up. That's exactly the kind of thing it's not good to keep bottled up inside. When people at the hospital ask you how you're feeling this is what they're inviting you to talk about.

If you can't walk around much and that upsets you, just say so and ask if they can get you outside at least to catch some sun and fresh air. You're right: it sucks being stuck inside like this and for such a long time.

Most especially, Alexander, SAY something if people are touching you and you don't like it. They WILL understand and try to be more gentle with you. I still do that, bro. When I see new doctors who don't know me, I just tell them I'm a survivor of CSA and I feel uncomfortable being touched or crowded by people I don't know or trust yet. In every case the doctors were glad I told them and things were a lot better for both of us.

It's all about knowing you have a right to be respected and treated well, and learning to ask for what you need. I can imagine this may sound like a lot of new-age crap, but it really is important.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#155100 - 05/08/07 07:54 PM Re: something happened... *trigger* [Re: roadrunner]
sabata Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/08/06
Posts: 1948
get it out...............Alexander the great.............let everyone hear you...................wish i had some way to just make it all go away for you......sorry as i dont.....please be kind to your self........and look to your future..........................................steve


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#158511 - 05/27/07 11:24 AM Re: something happened... *trigger* [Re: sabata]
Alexander Offline
Member

Registered: 10/17/06
Posts: 223
Loc: The Netherlands
I still keep waking up in panics... Some days more often then others... As i sleep a LOT it happens a lot... I nap a lot.. But like I said I keep waking up in a panic.
I get a lot of nightmares again, too.

And then when I do wake up I don't want to go back to sleep again, so I exhaust myself by going into chat or something.
Everything to not have to sleep and get more nightmares, everything to not be alone whit just me and my thoughts.

Sometimes I just want to curl up in a ball and die... It would be so much easier.. o well.

Alexander

_________________________
Come on, oh my star is fading
And I see no chance of release
And I know I'm dead on the surface
But I am screaming underneath

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#158550 - 05/27/07 06:15 PM Re: something happened... *trigger* [Re: Alexander]
MemoryVault Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/01/07
Posts: 693
Loc: NJ
Hey, Alexander -

Sorry that's still happening! Can you think of any "levers" you have--things that you can do that help you feel safer? What makes it get better or worse?

David


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#158551 - 05/27/07 06:17 PM Re: something happened... *trigger* [Re: MemoryVault]
markgreyblue Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/19/03
Posts: 5400
Loc: Pasadena, CA
alexander,

sorry about the panics. you will be ok.

_________________________
"...do not look outside yourself for the leader."
-wisdom of the hopi elders

"...the sign of a true leader is service..." - anonymous



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#158628 - 05/28/07 09:01 AM Re: something happened... *trigger* [Re: markgreyblue]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Alexander,

I hope this doesn't sound childish or stupid to you, but...do you have a stuffed animal? If not, hey, why not try that? Forget all the crap you have heard about stuffed animals being for girls, etc. LOTS of the guys here have them, including the mods, and they can be a great source of comfort and safety. Just a thought, bro.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

Top
#158638 - 05/28/07 09:50 AM Re: something happened... *trigger* [Re: roadrunner]
Alexander Offline
Member

Registered: 10/17/06
Posts: 223
Loc: The Netherlands
No I don't.
I had a purple dinosaur when i was younger but not anymore.

Alexander

_________________________
Come on, oh my star is fading
And I see no chance of release
And I know I'm dead on the surface
But I am screaming underneath

Top
#158755 - 05/28/07 08:21 PM Re: something happened... *trigger* [Re: Alexander]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
That one made me smile! Every time I come back from Germany to Oxfordshire I bring back a purple dinosaur for Bruno. It's now got to the point that as soon as I step into the house he pounces on my bag trying to nose it open - he knows there's something in there for him! \:D

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

Top
#158760 - 05/28/07 08:37 PM Re: something happened... *trigger* [Re: roadrunner]
MemoryVault Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/01/07
Posts: 693
Loc: NJ
Can't handle a dinosaur...will a duck do?

_@)
./_///
(____>





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#158772 - 05/28/07 09:15 PM Re: something happened... *trigger* [Re: MemoryVault]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
David,

And purple too! But naw. He needs a proper stuffed bear, or dog. ;\)

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

Top
#158828 - 05/29/07 01:49 AM Re: something happened... *trigger* [Re: john22]
hereforus Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/06/07
Posts: 82
Loc: usa
Originally Posted By: john22
Alexander

I also hope they lock him up and throw the key away. So he will rot in jail.



i dissagree with this! i think they should lock him up in a room and throw away the room!

i am soooooo sorry this happened to you.

love ya stacks mate
kirk

_________________________
"I will never forget, nor shall I choose too remember."

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#158829 - 05/29/07 02:01 AM Re: something happened... *trigger* [Re: hereforus]
hereforus Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/06/07
Posts: 82
Loc: usa
hehe i have a big stuffed tigger. poow bear just isnt as funny as tigger! wahoo ho ho hooo!!!

_________________________
"I will never forget, nor shall I choose too remember."

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#158832 - 05/29/07 02:17 AM Re: something happened... *trigger* [Re: hereforus]
Morning Star Offline
Member

Registered: 12/21/04
Posts: 1124
Loc: Home

Sometimes I make my bedside pillow my inner child, and just soothe it.

\:\)

Morning Star

_________________________
~ It's over!...Let go of Thy Past, Remember Thy Self ~

Why Don't People Heal, by Caroline Myss; 30 days to clean up your vibrations - Abraham-Hicks

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#159118 - 05/30/07 06:44 PM Re: something happened... *trigger* [Re: Morning Star]
Stefan012 Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 12/18/06
Posts: 281
Loc: The Netherlands
Well it may be worth a try Alex? You can let as many or less people know you have one if you want to.
Anyways, how are you doing?
Out of the hospital yet?

Greets,

Stefan

_________________________
You lost the things that you thought you would never miss.
You let them out and miss them while they're gone
But there's memories down here and they will always live down here
No they can't take them away, so they won't

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#159401 - 06/01/07 09:22 PM Re: something happened... *trigger* [Re: Stefan012]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Alexander,

You might be interested to know that John (Walking South) started a thread on the members' side last year on the subject of stuffed animals. You would be surprised at how many of us have them! Mine is a fantastic cuddly stuffed dog, other guys have bears, and so on. I think Scotty Todd told us once that he has lots of them in is office!

I was talking to a guy your age last year about this, and he felt he would be embarrassed if his friends saw he had a stuffed animal. So I told him fine, just keep it in your backpack then, and that's what he did. That bear went to school with him every day, and no one was the wiser!

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

Top
#159409 - 06/01/07 09:46 PM Re: something happened... *trigger* [Re: roadrunner]
Still Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 6453
Loc: Right Behind You!
Alexander,

Here's my bear named Rod. Healingpartner gave him to me in 1991. He was my first bear ever!



_________________________
Keep the others in your life happy - Comply Comply Comply

The Aftermath Video

My Absolute Hero!

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#159426 - 06/01/07 10:17 PM Re: something happened... *trigger* [Re: Still]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Alexander,

Check out the thread on stuffed animals in this forum. It's an old one from 2005 and I refloated it for you to see what guys say about this.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

Top
#159431 - 06/01/07 10:35 PM Re: something happened... *trigger* [Re: roadrunner]
EGL Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 06/19/04
Posts: 7821
I think I need a bear. I've never had one. \:\(

_________________________
Eddie

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#159436 - 06/01/07 10:48 PM Re: something happened... *trigger* [Re: EGL]
Ikelives Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/10/07
Posts: 29
Loc: Virginia
My wife and I have "Chip", the stuffed monkey. He is sitting here looking at me now.


Top
#159478 - 06/02/07 02:17 PM Re: something happened... *trigger* [Re: Ikelives]
Ikelives Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/10/07
Posts: 29
Loc: Virginia
By the way, I use the word stuffed automatically since I told my T last summer that my wife and I took the monkey everywhere with us and he was out in the car now. She got all excited and I didn't understand until finally comprehending she thought I was talking about a real monkey. It was the middle of the summer and the car was very hot. She was actually thinking about notifying security to get the monkey out of the car. I quickly informed her our monkey was a stuffrd toy and she relaxed. I must admit that I was a little surprised she thought I was talking abought a real monkey.


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#159480 - 06/02/07 02:33 PM Re: something happened... *trigger* [Re: EGL]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Eddie,

Originally Posted By: EGL
I think I need a bear. I've never had one. \:\(


Definitely!!!!!!!!!!!! Both you and Little Eddie will love him to bits. Believe me - these things really are great pals.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

Top
#159487 - 06/02/07 04:24 PM Re: something happened... *trigger* [Re: roadrunner]
WalkingSouth Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/30/05
Posts: 16265
Eddie,

Go to the stuffed animal store and buy one right now! You MUST have one! Big, little soft and cuddly or stiff so he can stand up, but you MUST have one! \:\) You'd be surprised at what it does inside of you. I was a skeptic till I bought "Tut" my stuffed lion.

Lots of love,

John

_________________________
“Life’s journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting ‘Holy ____…! What a ride!’” ~Hunter S. Thompson

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#159488 - 06/02/07 04:25 PM Re: something happened... *trigger* [Re: WalkingSouth]
WalkingSouth Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/30/05
Posts: 16265
Alexander,

Yeah, I guess I did start that thread Larry was talking about. I'd quite forgotten. There are quite a few pictures of stuffed animals there, all of them very awesome critters!

Lots of love,

John

_________________________
“Life’s journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting ‘Holy ____…! What a ride!’” ~Hunter S. Thompson

Top
#159490 - 06/02/07 04:40 PM Re: something happened... *trigger* [Re: WalkingSouth]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Alexander,

Well, Rob set the precedent, so here's my cuddly pal:



I named him Bongo after the real life dog of another survivor. He stays in Hamburg...I already have Bruno, 100 pounds of real german shepherd, here in the UK! Anyway, Bongo would never survive in the same house as Bruno; Bruno would think this is his stuffed animal and that would be the end of that.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

Top
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