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Hey jacobtk, I definately felt the same way you did growing up, I didn't really have the drive or the interest that I thought others had. Actually I thought they were pretty nuts sometimes with it. When I did finally do it (other than my assault which took my virginity) I kind of came to the same conclusion, what the hell was all the fuss about? Although I did injoy it somewhat I did find it awkward, uncomfortable and stressful, now saying that I'm sure my assault had the biggest impact on me having those feelings, but I felt the same way "yea, I could never do that again and not care". And with myself right now with just starting out with my survivor issues I'm absolutely terrified of the stress and anxiety that would come with having sex. But..........after saying all that it's not the sex that I want in my future it's the intimacy, the closeness, the trust, the love, that's what I'm lusting after now, the sex will play a huge role in those things and I hope that if and when I do find those things then the sex will be much more than the dirty awkward deed that I remember it to be. Then it will be beautiful and I can't fucking wait.

Stay strong brother
Mike

Jacob,

There is nothing wrong with not feeling the drive to have sex. Human sexuality falls in a spectrum from heterosexual to homosexual to asexual. For abuse victims, the natural development of a sexual identity is altered in some way, teaching us that sex is good, sex is bad, sex is not important, this or that is a turn on... it depends on the circumstances and how one deals with their abuse.

Being asexual is not unheard of. The question to ask would be where the source of that feeling comes from. If it's a natural evolution, then that's fine. One might choose to work with a T to determine if it's a result of the abuse, or one might decide that it's not worth their time for whatever reason.

The point is, if you are satisfied with being asexual, then that's all that matters. You are who you are. Don't let anyone push you into a place that isn't you.

Jacob,

Not much to add to what Dwayne is saying. In your recovery and in the rest of your life your first task has to be to be true to yourself. Decide what's honestly best for you and then go with that. So long as you are behaving responsibly with others you should be okay. If sex isn't something you feel you want or need, then there's no reason you should pursue it.

Much love,
Larry

Post deleted by jacobtk

Question, could this be medical? That being said, my older brother was not that into masturbation. One day he just said he wasn't going to do it any more. This was while we were still in high school.
Take care,
Clifford