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#153584 - 04/30/07 08:25 PM okay, here comes the stupid guy.
mogigo Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/24/07
Posts: 1331
Loc: Colorado
My sexuality is in question, I've always found women attractive but my attraction tends to go towards the tom-boyish women definately. I'm definately on the submissive end of the scale and don't feel comfortable being the agressor. I do fantasize about both sexes and do get turned on sexually by men as well as women. I guess I'd have to say I've never really spent much time looking at men, but with my personality I don't think I could say that means much because If I do look at a beautiful women It's only a glance and I usually feel pretty guilty about doing it. Kind of like I'm being offensive to look at them this way. I guess what I'm trying to ask is how whould I go about exploring the possibility that I'm gay, but here's the catch. I cannot and will not engage in sexual activity right now, I'm much to vulnerable right now and don't want to push my emotions too far. I'm just starting out on my survivor journey and do not want to engage in sex with either sex until I get my emotions and head straightened out. I do find it easy to make emotional attachments to both sexes and would say I don't see much difference in my relationships with either sex, but then I've never had any gay friends (that I knew of). Any Idea's? Sorry, I think my title of the post says it all.

Mike

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Thriving

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#153586 - 04/30/07 08:35 PM Re: okay, here comes the stupid guy. [Re: mogigo]
Nobbynobs Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/26/05
Posts: 1286
Loc: Toronto
Mike,

Have you spoken to a therapist who specialises in sexual orientation? I notice that you're in Toronto, if you like you can send me a PM and I can recommend someone.

Nobby

_________________________
When you go up to the bell, ring it! Or don't go up to the bell.

- Mel Brooks

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#153625 - 04/30/07 11:27 PM Re: okay, here comes the stupid guy. [Re: Nobbynobs]
TNuss Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/28/06
Posts: 202
Loc: Del-A-Ware???
YOU ARE NOT STUPID, you are actually very smart to reallize that you are "to vulnerable right now and don't want to push my emotions too far." Don't rush anything take your time, work with a therapist as Nobby suggested.

GOOD LUCK!!!

_________________________
All my best!!!

In harmony,
Troy
________________________________________________________
I hug myself daily until the day I find the embrace that completes me.

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#154009 - 05/02/07 07:09 PM Re: okay, here comes the stupid guy. [Re: TNuss]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Hi Mike,

There's nothing at all stupid about your post. You are in the midst of facing some very complicated issues, and if you feel you can't handle sexual involvements for the time being, then fine. It's good you are able to see a limit you don't think you should cross. Nothing prevents you from rethinking this any time you feel more comfortable about sex.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#154145 - 05/03/07 11:59 AM Re: okay, here comes the stupid guy. [Re: mogigo]
pain4ever Offline


Registered: 04/05/01
Posts: 1032
Mike,

There is nothing stupid about what you posted. You are very insightful to know your boundaries....some don't. That is awesome!!


A good therapist is a lot of help in guiding you toward the realization of your sexuality. I know this because I went through it.


Well...just some experience of my own. Maybe something to help you, maybe not. My big issue was could I fall in love with a man. I knew I could be there sexually but not if I could carry on a relationship or a partnership. Really in a way, sex is only the smallest part of a true understanding relationship. Not many gay guys get that but here is what I did....

I am not saying this is what you should do, but this is what worked for me!! just my experiences!

I started to explore this, in part, right after I told my ex-wife I wanted a divorce, I would not cheat on her in anyway....besides it was a bad relationship. Anyway...
I found some chatrooms for gay guys (loaction based) and started to talk with some guys. I WILL WARN YOU ABOUT THIS THOUGH!!!!! A majority of the guys in the chatroom only wanted sex!! If you are not steadfast on your "non-sex" role right now and feel you might be weak to temptation, DO NOT DO THIS!!! But after talking to a few guys I finally found the half-way decent ones. I started to talk to them just about everyday stuff things we like to do, our hobbies, work, social stuff. This seemed weird at first but because I wasn't face to face it made it easier. I found a couple guys I got along with, we liked similar things, had the same views on sex and relationships. I spent a couple weeks talking to a couple of guys on there, then only one after a month. I found my answer...can I fall in love with a man??? Yes, head over heals. I waited to meet him (saw pictures of course) until I felt confortable, I felt safe, and my T thought it was OK.

Long story short, I am so much more comfortable with myself and my life now. I am the happiest I have ever been!

Again this is what i did but its not for everyone. Just my two cents...I hope it helps.

Again congrats on knowing your limits that is outstanding!

_________________________
Peace and Tranquility all depends on your frame of reference.

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#154149 - 05/03/07 12:28 PM Re: okay, here comes the stupid guy. [Re: pain4ever]
mogigo Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/24/07
Posts: 1331
Loc: Colorado
My big issue was could I fall in love with a man. I knew I could be there sexually but not if I could carry on a relationship or a partnership.

This is exactly how I feel, as I said I am sexually attracted but could I actually enter into a partnership/relationship with a man. I'm not at all interested in anything but a relationship and don't want to confuse sex with love.

I'll think about your recommendations, they sound good but I feel a little bit of anxiety about going there right now. Thanks for trying to help though, means alot brother.

Stay strong
Mike

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Thriving

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#154153 - 05/03/07 12:38 PM Re: okay, here comes the stupid guy. [Re: mogigo]
pain4ever Offline


Registered: 04/05/01
Posts: 1032
Mike'

I am glad you know your boundaries and weaknesses. By the time I went into exploring my sexuality phase I was 2 years into counseling and healing. Like I said, it was what I did, my approach was kinda taking the bull by the horns and is not for everyone. Wish I could have been more help!

One thing which you already seem to know but I want to echo. Wait on the sex...I got hurt and soon realized I was confusing sex for love. My current partner and I waited to make sure the love was there before bringing in sex.

Just my two cents.

I wish you all the luck in your quest, it will change your life once you know for sure either way.



_________________________
Peace and Tranquility all depends on your frame of reference.

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