817. Peeing on an electric fence is worth way more than a quarter.

818. Sitting on a thumbtack is NOT funny.

819. Knocking hornet's nests out of a tree with a stick while hanging upside down from one's knees is NOT a smart thing to do! And diving in the water will NOT dissuade them!

820. Little sisters HATE it when you get their diaries and stick a dead, dried up worm from yesterday's rain in between their last-written pages as a bookmark, just to prove that you know where she's hiding it. (Marie STILL glares at me for that one! LOL)

821. It's better to fart in the jaccuzzi than the steam room.

822.Murphy's oil soap used to come in bar form. Having to chew it for cursing is a very effective cure for swearing at an adult.

823. Shooting someone bigger than u with a BB gun will not prevent them from kicking ur azz.

824. Dropping eggs down roof vents of large buildings & watching perplexed people trying to figure it out is priceless.

825: Police cars have two-way radios.

826: No matter what your age, its always fun to chase a girl/woman with a snake, dead bird, frog, etc. Cept you look a bit creepy doing it after about 18.

827: Marry the girl that does not run, screaming from the snake, dead bird, frog, etc...especially if she punches you.

828. Don't throw water on a grease fire.

829. Shoving another boy into the girls bathroom at school is funny.
830. A cat, a bored 12 year old, and a pair of hair clippers are a bad combination.
831. A cat looks ugly with a reverse mohawk and rings shaved into his tail.
832. Mother won't appreciate her cat's new look.

This one's not about me, but my son, so I won't number it. I'm hanging Christmas lights and he comes out of the garage crying.

Him: "Daaaaaaaddy...."

Me:"What happened..."

Him: "I hut mysef..."

Me: "Where?"

Him: "In da gawage"

Me: "No, where on your body?"

Him: "Wite hew on my head"

Me: "Were you doing something you weren't supposed to?"

Him: "Yes"

Me: "Why?"

Him: "Because it was dangawus."

He's four. I have a feeling I'm in for it.